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-   -   Crap Jokes (https://www.est1892.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=53677)

wiw 18-08-08 11:26 PM

<image removed>

Subby 19-08-08 09:19 AM

shaggy it's still showing as a red x in a box....repost???

BFG 19-08-08 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Subby (Post 1133207)
shaggy it's still showing as a red x in a box....repost???

You fucker Shaggy. :crackoff:

I got curious last night so copied the URL into my address bar with my gf stood beside me. Big mistake. :chunks:

PTP 19-08-08 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BFG (Post 1133215)
You fucker Shaggy. :crackoff:

I got curious last night so copied the URL into my address bar with my gf stood beside me. Big mistake. :chunks:

is it safe for work?

tufty 19-08-08 10:17 AM

yes






if you work at a sewerage plant

:crackoff:

BFG 19-08-08 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PTP (Post 1133231)
is it safe for work?

If you work in a place where people bend over and curl out 5 foot long shits then yes. Otherwise I'd have to say no mate.:crackoff:

tufty 19-08-08 10:18 AM

A Muslim terrorist has been shot dead by the Metropolitan police

When asked why the Muslim had 68 bullet wounds a police spokesman replied
" thats all we had "

Jenky 19-08-08 07:36 PM

Every Cloud has a silver lining. I really sympathise with the Chinese earthquake victims, but just think of the paralympic team they're going to have in 2012!

Elvoz 19-08-08 08:15 PM

Why do women wear makeup and perfume?

Because they're ugly and they stink.





What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you're already told her twice.

Vermilion 20-08-08 12:33 AM

:haha: :shake: :haha: :shake: :haha: :shake: :haha:

Assassin 20-08-08 01:38 PM

Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake - both are in intensive care. One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.

Imy 20-08-08 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Assassin (Post 1134595)
Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake - both are in intensive care. One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.

:taxi:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/images/blog/jim_bowen.jpg

Reaper 20-08-08 03:05 PM

I got a really nasty one which I ainty gonna post. PM me if ya want it

Reaper 20-08-08 03:27 PM

I was sitting on the settee watching a soppy film with my girlfriend. She was lying with her head in my lap.

Overcome with emotion after the film, she said, "give me a kiss dear."

I said, "if I could reach down that far to kiss you, why would I need you in the first place?"

Reaper 20-08-08 03:31 PM

An American meets an Ethiopian.

The American says, "Fuck me, you look as is you've survived a famine!"

The Ethiopian says, "You look as if you fucking caused it you fat cunt!

Reaper 20-08-08 03:32 PM

So, Gary Glitter had a "heart attack" when boarding the plane in Vietnam, did he?

Must have been all that excitement when they announced that the in-flight movie was "High School Musical".

Reaper 20-08-08 03:35 PM

I'm one of those people that likes to have a shit while I'm reading.

This is also the reason why I'm banned from Waterstones.

Subby 20-08-08 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Reaper (Post 1134670)
I got a really nasty one which I ainty gonna post. PM me if ya want it

PM please :handshake:

Darth Marty 20-08-08 04:49 PM

oh go on then, me too!

tufty 20-08-08 05:11 PM

:shake:

you'll be sorry



think about it, theres some pretty bad ones on this thread and Reaps has still shit out of posting these

:haha:

Darth Marty 20-08-08 05:13 PM

ha ha ha we will see!!

Paddy 20-08-08 05:22 PM

Pm Me!!!!

Elvoz 20-08-08 06:25 PM

hope he hasnt stolen mine :shake:

donpisci 20-08-08 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Subby (Post 1134782)
PM please :handshake:

Me too please :handshake:

Vermilion 20-08-08 08:22 PM

What do you call a man with no limbs in the sea..............................Bob.

Liverpel 20-08-08 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by donpisci (Post 1134940)
Me too please :handshake:

And me

Reacher 21-08-08 09:57 AM

Man wearing a trench coat approaches a woman.

Woman says "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"

Man says "Bit of both, this is a rape"

Reaper 21-08-08 12:26 PM

Gary Glitter has caused a hold up in an east Asian airport by refusing to allow his hand luggage to be checked












http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k1...r/pic04664.jpg

BFG 21-08-08 12:40 PM

:haha::haha::haha:

PTP 21-08-08 12:47 PM

:D - playing footie tonight which will be followed by a few pints - writing some fo these down haha

Reaper 21-08-08 12:52 PM

I got a Charity appeal letter from the Tourettes Society today.

Apparently for just two pounds a week I can sponsor a child to fuck off you stupid cunt pissflapping bastard..

Reaper 21-08-08 09:54 PM

Women are like wine:

I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak.

Reaper 21-08-08 09:59 PM

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you are a paedophile, but you just haven't met the right child yet?

Reaper 21-08-08 10:05 PM

Old Father O'Malley was strolling through the church grounds one sunny summer evening, when he came upon a little frog sitting by a tree.

"My Lord," he said, picking it up: "You're the saddest, most forlorn-looking frog I've ever seen. I only wish you could speak, so that you might tell me your troubles."

The frog replied, "Actually, I can. You see, I was once a choirboy in this very parish. One day I offended a passing Gypsy, and she put a curse on me that turned me into a talking frog."

"Incredible!" said Father O'Malley. "Is there anything I might do to help you?"

"Actually yes, there is. The Gypsy said that if I can find somebody to take me home and let me sleep in their bed, the curse will be lifted and I'll be back to normal."

"Well," said Father O'Malley, "the good Lord teaches us to be charitable. I think I can manage that."

So Father O'Malley picked up the little frog and put it in his pocket.

That night he placed it gently on the pillow beside him and drifted off into a long, dreamy sleep.

When he awoke the next morning, the frog had turned back into a choirboy, just as it had said it would.





And that, Your Honour, is the case for the defence...

Reaper 21-08-08 10:07 PM

A friend of mine asked me how to try and convince his girlfriend to have anal sex.

I said, "forgiveness is always easier than permission."

tommyg 22-08-08 02:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Reaper (Post 1136003)
Old Father O'Malley was strolling through the church grounds one sunny summer evening, when he came upon a little frog sitting by a tree.

"My Lord," he said, picking it up: "You're the saddest, most forlorn-looking frog I've ever seen. I only wish you could speak, so that you might tell me your troubles."

The frog replied, "Actually, I can. You see, I was once a choirboy in this very parish. One day I offended a passing Gypsy, and she put a curse on me that turned me into a talking frog."

"Incredible!" said Father O'Malley. "Is there anything I might do to help you?"

"Actually yes, there is. The Gypsy said that if I can find somebody to take me home and let me sleep in their bed, the curse will be lifted and I'll be back to normal."

"Well," said Father O'Malley, "the good Lord teaches us to be charitable. I think I can manage that."

So Father O'Malley picked up the little frog and put it in his pocket.

That night he placed it gently on the pillow beside him and drifted off into a long, dreamy sleep.

When he awoke the next morning, the frog had turned back into a choirboy, just as it had said it would.





And that, Your Honour, is the case for the defence...

:haha::haha:

Scouseinthesouth 22-08-08 04:01 PM

Why does Michael Barrymore have no ashtrays in his house?

He puts all the fags out in the pool.

BFG 22-08-08 04:19 PM

http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/7549/25792968kn3.png

Subby 22-08-08 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BFG (Post 1136685)

:haha::haha::haha::respect:

the rev leeroy brown 22-08-08 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Reaper (Post 1136003)
Old Father O'Malley was strolling through the church grounds one sunny summer evening, when he came upon a little frog sitting by a tree.

"My Lord," he said, picking it up: "You're the saddest, most forlorn-looking frog I've ever seen. I only wish you could speak, so that you might tell me your troubles."

The frog replied, "Actually, I can. You see, I was once a choirboy in this very parish. One day I offended a passing Gypsy, and she put a curse on me that turned me into a talking frog."

"Incredible!" said Father O'Malley. "Is there anything I might do to help you?"

"Actually yes, there is. The Gypsy said that if I can find somebody to take me home and let me sleep in their bed, the curse will be lifted and I'll be back to normal."

"Well," said Father O'Malley, "the good Lord teaches us to be charitable. I think I can manage that."

So Father O'Malley picked up the little frog and put it in his pocket.

That night he placed it gently on the pillow beside him and drifted off into a long, dreamy sleep.

When he awoke the next morning, the frog had turned back into a choirboy, just as it had said it would.





And that, Your Honour, is the case for the defence...

:haha: :haha: :haha: that is brilliant!!!


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