What's the quietest album in the world?

Stephen Hawking unplugged.

What's black and blue and smells of spunk?









A rape victim.

What do you call a buck toothed anorexic?


A Crowbar

There's something strange about this olympics...

It said in the paper that Michael Phelps had won the most gold medals anyone had ever won, with 8 gold medals.

Surely the guy who won all China's medals has won more?

Bought my new girlfriend a new mobile today coz she has been whinging at me



































http://www.lullabyebaby.com/images/s...aby-mobile.jpg

Whats the best thing about shaggin a transvestite ?



reaching round the front and thinking its gone all the way through :cool:

:haha:

Why are women like prawns?

Cos their heads are full of shit but the pink bits taste nice.

I made a list of my old girlfriends earlier...




Edna 93,
Beatrice 86,
Ethel 88.

Lass down the pub told me to go fuck myself last night..

If I could do that I wouldnt have been stickin my hand up her skirt in the first place FFS

50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people's souls through two people's bodies, as one."







The other 50% are men.

" Vight, today vee shall have a vace. Zee first person back vill be shot for being too fast, the last person back vill be shot for being too slow.
First two Jews off you go "


" Today vee shall have a change of unterpants. Hut A vill change vith Hut B .... "

Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock



Who's there?














Michael J Fox

:haha:

You have to read something before you can tell whether it offends you, you fucking clown :haha:

(If you were offended by this post you shouldn't have fucking well read it you daft cunt)
:crackoff:

haha

I swear if you watch the doovde in slo mo Smokey's toe is NOT over the line :D

When I was naughty at school, the headmaster used to give me 'six of the best'.




















Now I'm grown up I bet I could take the other 2 inches.

I shall fish it out later and check your analysis my friend :handshake:

Two pregnant woman are sitting together knitting baby clothes. The first woman says, "I hope mine is a boy because ive only got blue wool." The second woman says, "I hope mine is a spastic because ive fucked the arms up."

Am I alone in spending an inordinate amount of time wondering just how exactly Abu Hamza wipes his arse?

Apparently, the London Olympics are supposed to restore English national pride;







:rant: FFS for 9.2 billion pounds, we could have written "fuck off Germany" onto the moon!

Id like to quash a nasty rumour that has been doing the rounds once and for all



Members have been saying that Tufty loves cock sandwiches.






This is totally untrue, I know for a fact he hates bread.

a woman is walking down a dark alley way when a big black man jumps out of the shadows with his cock in his hand

" I'm gonna shag the arse off you lady "

" thank fuck for that, I thought you were going to hit me over the fuckin head with it "

Whats the worst thing about eating bald pussy?

Putting the diaper back on.

-----------------------------------------------

How do you make the little girl cry twice?

Wipe the blood on her teddy bear.

---------------------------------------------

Whats the difference between a black man and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family.

--------------------------------------------

Whats the difference between period blood and sand?

You cant gargle sand.

I kow it's getting bad when I''m getting

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...from my work internet access :D

I went to the travel agent the other day for some advice on a holiday and told him I am afraid of flying because there might be a bomb on the plane.

He told me the chances of a bomb being on a plane are over a million to one.

I told him it was still too big a risk for me.

He advised me to take a bomb of my own.

When I asked, "what the fuck for?" he told me that the chances of two bombs being on the same plane are TWENTY million to one!

Van der Merwe had never been out of South Africa before and was visiting Bondi Beach, Australia.

He spotted a long line of black dots out in the water and said to an Aussie, who was sitting close by, "What are all those little black things out there?"

"They're buoys," said the Aussie.

"Boys!" replied Van der Merwe. "What are they doing out there?"

"Holding up the shark nets," the Aussie told him.

"Fucking great country this!" said the South African, deeply impressed. "We'd never get away with that at home!"

We've got a stunning blonde started at our office and I heard rumours she wanted to give me one.










Unfortunately, it was out of ten. :grr:

Dammit.

Linford Christie walks into a golf club

The man on reception, looking embarrassed, says
" I'm very sorry but we don't allow black men here, theres another club ten minutes down the road that may be able to help "

" but I'm Linford Christie ! "

" ok, three minutes down the road, now fuck off "

Tim, Jack & Rupert chatting. Tim says, "I'll never understand women, my wife's bought a car & she can't drive."

Jock says, "I know what you mean, my wife's gone on a diet & she's not even fat."

Rupert says, "That's nothing, my wife's taken 30 condoms to Benidorm & she hasn't even got a cock!"

Hang on, I think I might have read that one on here anyway. :confused:

I'll try again...

A man buys wife a car for her birthday "I don't like it she says, I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds."

He returns the car and comes back with some bathroom scales "Here, stand on that you fat cunt!"

Did you hear the one about the I'm a little teapot who won the disco dancing competition.




He only crossed the floor to buy a bag of crisps.

Did you hear the one about the bus full of spastics that went over a cliff???



























It took firemen 3 hours to dig the bus out of the wreckage.

Why is there cotton in medicine bottles.





























To remind black fellas what they did before they became drug dealers.

oh man, im a sick sick person for laughing at these! :haha:

Obsessed :D

<image removed>

I was in Poland a couple of years back traveling with a local to a sales meeting. He turned around to me and said "That's where Aushwitz concentration camp was"
"Really" I said.
"Yes my father died there during the war!"
Fuck, what do you say to that? "I'm sorry"
"It was his own fault"
"Heh?"
"He got pissed one night and fell off the machine gun tower"