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-   -   Crap Jokes (https://www.est1892.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=53677)

Elvoz 18-08-08 07:35 AM

Crap Jokes
 
is there a section or talk of making one

cheers in advance :handshake:

bobbyfallon 18-08-08 10:40 AM

na mate - they dont go down well with everyone... i posted a few and well it didnt go down well. pm me a few though

Paddy 18-08-08 10:47 AM

What's black and eats pussy?

Cervical Cancer.

Subby 18-08-08 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paddy (Post 1132360)
What's black and eats pussy?

Cervical Cancer.

:shake:



















.....:haha:






.........:grr:

bobbyfallon 18-08-08 11:41 AM

what makes 9 out of ten people happy ???

gang rape

Paddy 18-08-08 11:43 AM

Whats the smartest things to ever come out of a womans mouth?

Einsteins cock.

What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?

A pedophile

Paddy 18-08-08 11:43 AM

Whats funnier than a dead baby.

A dead baby in a clowns suit.

Paddy 18-08-08 11:44 AM

Whats better than winning a gold medal in the special olympics?


ICE CREAMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

BFG 18-08-08 11:45 AM

What's the biggest cause of paedophilia in the UK?
Sexy Kids


What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
There's 20 of them

bobbyfallon 18-08-08 11:45 AM

id say you will be getting a pm sharpish. funny though

Paddy 18-08-08 11:46 AM

How do you get a baby out of the blender?

Nachos.

Paddy 18-08-08 11:46 AM

If anyone is offended don't come in the thread. Simple.

Paddy 18-08-08 11:48 AM

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

She had no arms

bobbyfallon 18-08-08 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paddy (Post 1132457)
If anyone is offended don't come in the thread. Simple.

you would think wouldnt you :handshake:

Elvoz 18-08-08 11:52 AM

i was watching the olympics yesterday and i thought to myself

fuck is there anything these chinese arent good at ?


then i remembered







picking cockles in morecombe bay

Paddy 18-08-08 11:54 AM

Whats the difference between a priest and acne?

acne waits until you're a teenager to come on your face

PTP 18-08-08 11:54 AM

all of u are banned!











Q: What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
A: Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.

:crackoff:

Paddy 18-08-08 11:54 AM

Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A Doberman in a playground

PTP 18-08-08 11:55 AM

haha timing of that!

Paddy 18-08-08 11:55 AM

Too late dude.

Subby 18-08-08 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elvoz (Post 1132468)
i was watching the olympics yesterday and i thought to myself

fuck is there anything these chinese arent good at ?


then i remembered







picking cockles in morecombe bay



:haha::haha:








:rolleyes:

Subby 18-08-08 11:56 AM

might wanna put NSFW or 18 on this thread....sickly funny though :D

Paddy 18-08-08 11:56 AM

Whats the best thing about punching a transexual in the face?

You get all of the pleasure of hitting a woman and none of the guilt.

BFG 18-08-08 11:57 AM

Woke up in bed yesterday with a dead terrorist beside me with his dick up my arse.

I called the police and they said I'd been the victim of a suicide bummer.

Paddy 18-08-08 11:57 AM

Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

Paddy 18-08-08 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BFG (Post 1132484)
Woke up in bed yesterday with a dead terrorist beside me with his dick up my arse.

I called the police and they said I'd been the victim of a suicide bummer.

:haha::haha::haha:

Paddy 18-08-08 11:59 AM

Q. What do a Priest and a Pint of Guinness have in common?

A. A bad one will tear the arse out of you.

tufty 18-08-08 11:59 AM

whats red and found in a dark corner at Harry Ramsdens ?

abortion of chips




whats the height of cruelty ?

telling a thalidomide what a wank is

BFG 18-08-08 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paddy (Post 1132485)
Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

Fucking funny. :haha:

Paddy 18-08-08 12:00 PM

What's red, sticky, and crawls up your leg?

Homesick Abortion

PTP 18-08-08 12:00 PM

i shall put a warning on the thread - but guarenteed that will only attract people to come in and critisice and have a go etc - we would be better off giving it a random 'code' name like "Peter Kay Jokes" then noone would ever check :haha:

Paddy 18-08-08 12:01 PM

Hahaha....

I await the PC brigade.

Elvoz 18-08-08 12:03 PM

Two gay blokes are at home naked and one says to the other, "Don't start until I get back from the toilet". He goes to the toilet, comes back and there is semen on the floor. He yells, "Oh my god, you already started" to which his boyfriend replies, "No I didn't, I just farted"

Elvoz 18-08-08 12:05 PM

I keep having my profile on that dating website 'Match.com' rejected.
One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'.
Apparently 'my dick' is not an acceptable answer.

Two men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes.
'Crikey mate, that was impressive!'
'I get lots of practice' replied the other guy. 'My wifes epileptic'

Jaymo 18-08-08 12:05 PM

:shake:

Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew?
A: Santa Claus goes down the chimney.

bobbyfallon 18-08-08 12:08 PM

maura hindley is walking across the moores on a dark misty night with a wee girl holding her hand.....

the girl looks up into mauras face - "im scared" she says.....

"your scared, i have to walk back on my own"

Elvoz 18-08-08 12:08 PM

whats better than winning a gold medal in the Paralympics?

Not being handicapped.

tufty 18-08-08 12:17 PM

Winston is a five year old Nigerian boy

Despite having only one leg, he has to pedal his bike 15 miles every day to get to school

His bike doesn't have tyres and the one working pedal is on the wrong side for him

Please send just 2.50 so you can receive the video, its funny as fuck

Reaper 18-08-08 02:03 PM

Apparently dogshit can make children blind.

Surely poking your fingers in their eyes would be a better option.

Reaper 18-08-08 02:07 PM

I got a sweater for my birthday


Pissed me off no end.. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

Reaper 18-08-08 02:10 PM

What's the quietest album in the world?

Stephen Hawking unplugged.

Reaper 18-08-08 02:11 PM

What's black and blue and smells of spunk?









A rape victim.

Reaper 18-08-08 02:14 PM

What do you call a buck toothed anorexic?


A Crowbar

Reaper 18-08-08 02:15 PM

There's something strange about this olympics...

It said in the paper that Michael Phelps had won the most gold medals anyone had ever won, with 8 gold medals.

Surely the guy who won all China's medals has won more?

Reaper 18-08-08 02:17 PM

Bought my new girlfriend a new mobile today coz she has been whinging at me



































http://www.lullabyebaby.com/images/s...aby-mobile.jpg

tufty 18-08-08 02:36 PM

Whats the best thing about shaggin a transvestite ?



reaching round the front and thinking its gone all the way through :cool:

Reaper 18-08-08 02:38 PM

:haha:

Reaper 18-08-08 02:39 PM

Why are women like prawns?

Cos their heads are full of shit but the pink bits taste nice.

Reaper 18-08-08 02:42 PM

I made a list of my old girlfriends earlier...




Edna 93,
Beatrice 86,
Ethel 88.

Reaper 18-08-08 02:47 PM

Lass down the pub told me to go fuck myself last night..

If I could do that I wouldnt have been stickin my hand up her skirt in the first place FFS

Reaper 18-08-08 02:48 PM

50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people's souls through two people's bodies, as one."







The other 50% are men.

tufty 18-08-08 02:48 PM

" Vight, today vee shall have a vace. Zee first person back vill be shot for being too fast, the last person back vill be shot for being too slow.
First two Jews off you go "


" Today vee shall have a change of unterpants. Hut A vill change vith Hut B .... "

Reaper 18-08-08 02:49 PM

Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock



Who's there?














Michael J Fox

tufty 18-08-08 02:51 PM

:haha:

Red_Polo 18-08-08 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paddy (Post 1132457)
If anyone is offended don't come in the thread. Simple.

You have to read something before you can tell whether it offends you, you fucking clown :haha:

(If you were offended by this post you shouldn't have fucking well read it you daft cunt)
:crackoff:

Reaper 18-08-08 02:59 PM

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/176/3...0627a53841.jpg

Red_Polo 18-08-08 03:02 PM

haha

I swear if you watch the doovde in slo mo Smokey's toe is NOT over the line :D

Reaper 18-08-08 03:03 PM

When I was naughty at school, the headmaster used to give me 'six of the best'.




















Now I'm grown up I bet I could take the other 2 inches.

Reaper 18-08-08 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Red_Polo (Post 1132785)
haha

I swear if you watch the doovde in slo mo Smokey's toe is NOT over the line :D

I shall fish it out later and check your analysis my friend :handshake:

tufty 18-08-08 03:05 PM

Two pregnant woman are sitting together knitting baby clothes. The first woman says, "I hope mine is a boy because ive only got blue wool." The second woman says, "I hope mine is a spastic because ive fucked the arms up."


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