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Old 03-07-21, 11:59 AM   #2921
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenneth View Post
Topical one:

Why should you avoid buying Ukrainian underpants?

Chernobyl fallout.

Deserves the
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Old 03-07-21, 05:55 PM   #2922
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenneth View Post
Topical one:

Why should you avoid buying Ukrainian underpants?

Chernobyl fallout.
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Old 10-07-21, 09:08 AM   #2923
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A geordie lass walks into a hairdressers and asks for a perm. The hairdresser replied ‘ i wandered lernly as a clood’…
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Old 10-07-21, 09:42 AM   #2924
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Old 10-07-21, 09:43 PM   #2925
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This may be of interest to someone. A friend of mine has 2 tickets for the Final at Wembley on Sunday. He paid £300 each including accommodation but he didn't realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding! If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place!! It's at Burnley Registry Office, at 4pm. The bride's name is Deborah
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Old 11-07-21, 11:14 AM   #2926
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Old 01-08-21, 09:44 AM   #2927
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Quote:
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Fuckin Tufty

Where the hell you been man? All well?
been a while mate, various reasons

getting back up to speed, more shite jokes to follow
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Old 01-08-21, 09:49 AM   #2928
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It's been discovered that Ants are the only creature on Earth that appear to be immune to all forms of illness and viruses

Scientists say its down to them having little anti bodies
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Old 01-08-21, 10:43 AM   #2929
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Why did the Baker have smelly hands?





He needed a poo.
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Old 01-08-21, 01:44 PM   #2930
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Quote:
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Why did the Baker have smelly hands?





He needed a poo.
Kneaded
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Old 01-08-21, 07:05 PM   #2931
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Del
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Old 01-08-21, 07:06 PM   #2932
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Del
Echo?

Ffs with the edit, Norbs
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Old 01-08-21, 07:26 PM   #2933
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Haha, was pedanting that you had a capital K and then decided not to be such a dick after all
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Old 02-08-21, 02:34 AM   #2934
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Quote:
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Kneaded
Then it wouldn't funny would you plank!
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Old 02-08-21, 08:59 AM   #2935
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Quote:
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Then it wouldn't funny would you plank!
Yes because the punchline is a pun, you daft twat!

What's the relevance of them being a baker and why would their hands be smelly if they literally just needed to take a shit?
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Old 02-08-21, 09:13 AM   #2936
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Yes because the punchline is a pun, you daft twat!

What's the relevance of them being a baker and why would their hands be smelly if they literally just needed to take a shit?

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Old 02-08-21, 03:50 PM   #2937
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Its a good joke, but its a joke that wouldn't be subjected to this line of questioning if it had just been said out loud.
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Old 02-08-21, 03:53 PM   #2938
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Its a good joke, but its a joke that wouldn't be subjected to this line of questioning if it had just been said out loud.
No, because we’d have assumed he said ‘kneaded’ and not ‘needed’!
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Old 02-08-21, 03:57 PM   #2939
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I’ve got a feeling people would still question it if Hambo said it out loud though.
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Old 02-08-21, 09:09 PM   #2940
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Then it wouldn't funny would you plank!
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Old 03-08-21, 09:34 AM   #2941
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Quote:
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been a while mate, various reasons

getting back up to speed, more shite jokes to follow
Well I hope all is good with you now

Quote:
Originally Posted by tufty View Post
It's been discovered that Ants are the only creature on Earth that appear to be immune to all forms of illness and viruses

Scientists say its down to them having little anti bodies
Brutal. Fully complies with thread title criteria
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Old 05-08-21, 01:33 AM   #2942
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Somebody please tell a joke
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Old 05-08-21, 12:20 PM   #2943
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Why do Swedish warships have bar codes on them?

So they can scan de Navy in.
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Old 05-08-21, 05:17 PM   #2944
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Two flies sat on a fresh dog turd

One of the flies does a very loud fart

The other fly says
"do you fukin mind, I'm eating me dinner!"
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Old 06-08-21, 05:03 AM   #2945
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My English Teacher said, "Your grammar is shit!"
I replied, "Your grandad is a cu*t!"
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Old 17-09-21, 03:47 PM   #2946
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What do you call a lost wolf?



Where do Sharks go on holiday?



How did the artist protect his castle?



What do you call a smelly Fairy



Courtesy of my 7 year old son
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Old 17-09-21, 07:45 PM   #2947
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Smelly fairy joke wins for me
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Old 17-09-21, 08:26 PM   #2948
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My four year olds favourite joke is ..

Why did that banana go to the doctor?



She tells me it about every other day on average.
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Old 17-09-21, 08:47 PM   #2949
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenneth View Post
My four year olds favourite joke is ..

Why did that banana go to the doctor?



She tells me it about every other day on average.
Yeah, that’s a winner also
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Old 18-09-21, 08:34 AM   #2950
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenneth View Post
My four year olds favourite joke is ..

Why did that banana go to the doctor?



She tells me it about every other day on average.
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Old 18-09-21, 09:07 AM   #2951
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What's the difference between black-eyed peas and chickpeas?

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Old 18-09-21, 02:47 PM   #2952
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What's brown and sticky?










A stick
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Old 19-09-21, 11:23 AM   #2953
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What's brown and runny?








Usain Bolt
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Old 30-09-21, 09:30 AM   #2954
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Just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra...no one is taking it harder than Grandma!
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Old 05-10-21, 03:46 PM   #2955
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What do you call a sad UFO?




A crying saucer
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Old 18-10-21, 04:53 PM   #2956
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A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.

The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'
'I remember that, too' she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today." 😂 😂
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Old 18-10-21, 05:56 PM   #2957
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"Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'"

How does that work?
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Old 18-10-21, 06:13 PM   #2958
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Quote:
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"Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'"

How does that work?
I am guessing because she was 16 and he was 18? So consent or something like that?
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Old 18-10-21, 09:10 PM   #2959
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Probably an American joke, hence 'gotten'
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