03-10-07, 03:13 PM
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#1
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Dalglish
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4,803
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Funny Quiz Answers
QUIZMANIA (ITV)
Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with 'T'.
Contestant: Doctor.
Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango.
Contestant: Oh, right . . . (pause) . . . Doctor.
DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM)
Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?
Contestant: I don't know, I need a clue.
Kelly: OK. What do beans come in?
Contestant: Cartons?
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.
BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.
BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)
DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway?
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?
GWR FM (Bristol)
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.
RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND)
Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The ...?
Caller: Mohicans.
QUIZMANIA
Greg Scott: We're looking for a word that goes in front of 'clock'.
Contestant: Grandfather.
Scott: Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else.
Contestant: Panda.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER)
Phil: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?
RICHARD AND JUDY
Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
A: Forrest Gump.
RICHARD AND JUDY
Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er . . .
Leslie: He makes bread . . .
Contestant: Er . . .
Leslie: He makes cakes . . .
Contestant: Kipling Street?
MAGIC 52 (NORTHEAST ENGLAND)
Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
Contestant: Erm . . .
Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
Contestant: 1965?
SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)
Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?
Contestant: Six.
Tufnell: Higher!
Contestant: Five.
FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV)
Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word - CHED
and PIT.
Team: Chedpit.
LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.
RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW
Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total?
Contestant: 23.
NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM)
Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest?
Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland, is it?
THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT)
Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter 'e'.
Contestant: Ghana.
Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean.
Contestant: New Zealand.
NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question: What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific
ROCK FM (PRESTON)
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta.
JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er ... er ... three?
NATIONAL LOTTERY
Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what?
Contestant: Jelly.
RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2)
Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory?
Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg's?
BLIND DATE (ITV)
Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen.
Boy: Charlotte Bronte.
CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er ... Mexico?
DOG EAT DOG (BBC1)
Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord of the Rings?
Contestant: Enid Blyton
PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
NATIONAL LOTTERY
Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what?
Contestant: Basketball.
NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ
Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place?
Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbor?
DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er . . .
Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: Walked?
NATIONAL LOTTERY
Dale Winton: Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea:a) Irish Sea, b) English Channel, c) North Sea?
Contestant: Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, Dale. It's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.
THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.
LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That's close enough.
BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1
Chris Moyles: Which 'S' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
Contestant: Ummm . . .
Moyles: It begins with 'S' and rhymes with 'perm'.
Contestant: Shark.
STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus.
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03-10-07, 03:26 PM
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#2
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Shankly
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,841
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 Some classics on there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FatTony
NATIONAL LOTTERY
Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what?
Contestant: Jelly.
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Was Captain Fog that contestant?
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03-10-07, 03:39 PM
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#3
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Dressed up as Batman?
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 131,290
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That were absolute diabolical
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03-10-07, 04:19 PM
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#4
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Benitez
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 527
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really is incredible how stupid some people are
__________________
in january we were doomed.
in august we will rise from the ashes of shite and march on again
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03-10-07, 05:27 PM
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#5
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Souness
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 42
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absolute quality mate, I was pi55ing myself reading those! there really are some imbicilles out there!
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Lurker Extraordinaire
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04-10-07, 01:34 PM
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#7
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Benitez
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 990
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how thick can some people be
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04-10-07, 04:12 PM
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#8
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Dressed up as Batman?
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 131,290
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Never forget this classic on Family Fortunes..
Bygraves: Name something people take with them to the beach.
Johnson: Turkey.
Bygraves: The first thing you buy at a supermarket.
Johnson: Turkey.
Bygraves: A food often stuffed.
Johnson: Turkey.
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That were absolute diabolical
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05-10-07, 01:03 AM
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#9
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Fagan
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,720
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Those answers are really funny.
How daft are some people!
__________________
Twin boys - now arriving late August 2008.
Its gonna be Fernando and Gerrard if I get my way!
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05-10-07, 12:07 PM
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#10
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Extremely tubby
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,227
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__________________
FUCK OFF HICKS AND GILLETT WE DON'T WANT YOU.
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05-10-07, 12:08 PM
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#11
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Extremely tubby
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,227
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShaggyAlonso
Never forget this classic on Family Fortunes..
Bygraves: Name something people take with them to the beach.
Johnson: Turkey.
Bygraves: The first thing you buy at a supermarket.
Johnson: Turkey.
Bygraves: A food often stuffed.
Johnson: Turkey.
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I liked the one.
Dennis: We asked 100 people to name something green.
Contestant: My jumper
__________________
FUCK OFF HICKS AND GILLETT WE DON'T WANT YOU.
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05-10-07, 01:00 PM
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#12
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Fagan
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,376
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Name a furry animal :
A Bee
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09-03-15, 07:18 PM
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#13
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Paisley
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 25,053
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Two Tribes
Q) Danny John Jules played The Cat in which TV Show
A) Bagpuss
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09-03-15, 07:34 PM
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#14
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Shankly
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 9,463
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Oh I say his vision there was lovely
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09-03-15, 07:42 PM
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#15
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Expect the Wurst
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 5,082
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChesterDave
Two Tribes
Q) Danny John Jules played The Cat in which TV Show
A) Bagpuss
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 Great bump.
What was Ghandi's first name?
Goosey?
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09-03-15, 10:23 PM
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#16
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Donald Buzzworth
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 44,389
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Quote:
DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
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13-03-15, 12:02 AM
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#17
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El Pistolero
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 35,786
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__________________
"Its not about the long ball or the short ball, its about the right ball." Bob Paisley
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13-03-15, 08:25 AM
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#18
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Big Girl's Blouse
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 33,598
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13-03-15, 08:35 AM
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#19
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Shankly
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 7,376
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13-03-15, 06:48 PM
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#20
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Takin' Her Easy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 35,516
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Some of these are great
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Like blood on iron
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24-06-15, 12:14 PM
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#21
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Paisley
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 11,705
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[QUOTE]On holiday a few years back, I took part in a quiz and managed to reach the final only to lose out after what I consider to this day, to be a correct answer. The question asked 'What 'C' would you associate Jeremy Clarkson with?' to which I confidently replied 'cunt'. Not only was I told the answer was incorrect, but I was asked by the holiday rep to leave the premises immediately! Has anyone else experienced such appalling treatment whilst holidaying with one's family?
Noel, Leeds/[QUOTE]
__________________
"But thus I counsel you, my friends: Mistrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful. They are people of a low sort and stock; the hangmen and the bloodhound look out of their faces. Mistrust all who talk much of their justice!"
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24-06-15, 10:49 PM
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#22
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Benitez
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 990
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I was in a quiz with my wife and there was a question about the film The Dirty Dozen and she said is that the one with seven of them in it!
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14-08-15, 06:15 PM
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#23
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Paisley
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 25,053
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I'm convinced the people on this Two Tribes are forced to appear.
They can't be applying because they think they know stuff.
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20-08-15, 10:44 AM
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#24
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Paisley
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 19,918
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This is fictitious and from a TV show, but i nearly wet myself when first seeing it on Phoenix Nights:
Ray Von/The Quiz Ninja: And the answer is, the Shroud of Turin.
Phoenix Nights Quiz Team: Ah, sh*t.
Kenny Junior: What did we put ?
Kenny Senior: Lisa Stansfield
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Sack swinging like Dub-D40 on a door hinge
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24-11-15, 07:18 PM
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#25
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Paisley
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 25,053
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On Eggheads and actually one of the Eggheads not a contestant.
And I don't care they might not like football they are smug buggers so I'm going to mock. I missed the exact questions but based on the answer...
Who took over from Alex Ferguson as manager of Manchester United.
He gave the answer Tommy Docherty.
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24-11-15, 08:24 PM
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#26
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The Wisp
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 20,827
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Wow, absolutely mental.
Thanks for letting us know.
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Hello mert.
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24-11-15, 08:26 PM
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#27
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Paisley
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 25,053
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Anytime. Its a service I like to provide. I would have created a new thread if it was that gobshite CJ getting it wrong.
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24-11-15, 09:20 PM
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#28
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Ant Pisser
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 66,918
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fivex
Wow, absolutely mental.
Thanks for letting us know. 
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Oh I don't know.
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24-11-15, 09:33 PM
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#29
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Passion for fire alarms or extinguishers?
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 34,982
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChesterDave
On Eggheads and actually one of the Eggheads not a contestant.
And I don't care they might not like football they are smug buggers so I'm going to mock. I missed the exact questions but based on the answer...
Who took over from Alex Ferguson as manager of Manchester United.
He gave the answer Tommy Docherty.
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Haha I was watching, the question ws which former Manchester United manager went on to manage real sociedad in 2014
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i own everton fans on the internet....that's what i do
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16-07-16, 02:44 AM
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#30
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Befuddled
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,479
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Last year while in Lanzarote myself and the family won a pub quiz. I was very happy and stood up and gave a speech, promising to return and compete again.
We returned to Lanzarote this year but my family refused to go to the quiz.
Apparently I'm embarrassing.
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I love Sarah
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16-07-16, 08:55 AM
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#31
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Dalglish
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,500
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Great story
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16-07-16, 12:08 PM
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#32
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Shooterista
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 32,026
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightred
Last year while in Lanzarote myself and the family won a pub quiz. I was very happy and stood up and gave a speech, promising to return and compete again.
We returned to Lanzarote this year but my family refused to go to the quiz.
Apparently I'm embarrassing.
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16-07-16, 04:00 PM
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#33
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Dalglish
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,477
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightred
Last year while in Lanzarote myself and the family won a pub quiz. I was very happy and stood up and gave a speech, promising to return and compete again.
We returned to Lanzarote this year but my family refused to go to the quiz.
Apparently I'm embarrassing.
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A story well worthy of resurrecting a 9 year old thread.
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SakhoPotatoes
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16-07-16, 04:32 PM
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#34
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Dan Ashcroft
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 52,026
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 wtf
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16-07-16, 05:22 PM
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#35
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Paisley
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 25,053
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03-09-16, 06:33 PM
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#36
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Paisley
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 25,053
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Pointless Celebrities: An element in the periodic table beginning with a letter in the second half of the alphabet
Arlene Phillips: A Flame (aflame? Not suite sure what hideously wrong answer on multiple levels she was trying to give))
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07-01-17, 12:23 AM
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#38
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Hip Flask Hater
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,175
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Yet another
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07-01-17, 09:10 PM
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#39
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George Soros
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 14,259
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Quote:
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
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__________________
Cheers
Subby
MetalliGear Neo Qube : Ryzen 3600 : Gigabyte x570 Aorus Elite : 32GB Dominator 3600Mhz : Sabrent Gen 4 NVME SSD : Sapphire 5600XT : MasterLiquid 360 : 850w G2 : CableMod custom cables : Win 10
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07-01-17, 09:23 PM
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#40
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Paisley
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 11,697
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightred
Last year while in Lanzarote myself and the family won a pub quiz. I was very happy and stood up and gave a speech, promising to return and compete again.
We returned to Lanzarote this year but my family refused to go to the quiz.
Apparently I'm embarrassing.
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__________________
Experimental music, Metropolitan foodstuffs, Mexican wrestler art, London suburbia, wry whimsy
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