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03-10-07, 03:13 PM
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#1 |
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Dalglish
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4,803
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Funny Quiz Answers
QUIZMANIA (ITV)
Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with 'T'. Contestant: Doctor. Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango. Contestant: Oh, right . . . (pause) . . . Doctor. DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM) Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year? Contestant: I don't know, I need a clue. Kelly: OK. What do beans come in? Contestant: Cartons? BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point. Theakston: There's a clue in the title. Contestant: Leicester. BBC NORFOLK Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? Contestant: I don't know. White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow? Contestant: Arm. White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...? Contestant: Strong. White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name? Contestant: Louis. White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World? Contestant: Frank Sinatra? LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS) Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy? Contestant: France. Trelinski: France is another country. Try again. Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm. Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon? Contestant: Sorry, I don't know. Trelinski: Just guess a country then. Contestant: Paris. UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2) Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'? Contestant: Homosexuals. Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you. THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2) Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party? Contestant: The Conservative Party. BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON) DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope? Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish? THE WEAKEST LINK Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet? Contestant: Jool carriageway? UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name? Contestant: Goosey? GWR FM (Bristol) Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963? Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then. RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND) Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The ...? Caller: Mohicans. QUIZMANIA Greg Scott: We're looking for a word that goes in front of 'clock'. Contestant: Grandfather. Scott: Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else. Contestant: Panda. PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER) Phil: What's 11 squared? Contestant: I don't know. Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle. Contestant: Is it five? RICHARD AND JUDY Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman? A: Forrest Gump. RICHARD AND JUDY Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live? Contestant: Er . . . Leslie: He makes bread . . . Contestant: Er . . . Leslie: He makes cakes . . . Contestant: Kipling Street? MAGIC 52 (NORTHEAST ENGLAND) Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated? Contestant: Erm . . . Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964. Contestant: 1965? SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV) Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held? Contestant: Six. Tufnell: Higher! Contestant: Five. FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV) Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word - CHED and PIT. Team: Chedpit. LINCS FM PHONE-IN Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? Contestant: Barcelona. Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain. RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total? Contestant: 23. NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM) Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest? Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland, is it? THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT) Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter 'e'. Contestant: Ghana. Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean. Contestant: New Zealand. NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) Question: What is the world's largest continent? Contestant: The Pacific ROCK FM (PRESTON) Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci. Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV) Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918? Contestant: Magna Carta. JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC) O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry? Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er ... er ... three? NATIONAL LOTTERY Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what? Contestant: Jelly. RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2) Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory? Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg's? BLIND DATE (ITV) Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen. Boy: Charlotte Bronte. CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL) Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller: Japan. Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again. Caller: Er ... Mexico? DOG EAT DOG (BBC1) Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord of the Rings? Contestant: Enid Blyton PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE) Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last? Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days. NATIONAL LOTTERY Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what? Contestant: Basketball. NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place? Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbor? DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO) Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels? Contestant: Holland? Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet. Contestant: Iceland? Ireland? Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel? Contestant: No. PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant: Er . . . Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . . Contestant: Blimey? Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . . Contestant: (Silence) Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . . Contestant: Walked? NATIONAL LOTTERY Dale Winton: Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea:a) Irish Sea, b) English Channel, c) North Sea? Contestant: Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, Dale. It's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea. THE VAULT Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time? Contestant: Nostalgia. LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB) Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes? Contestant: Jewish. Presenter: That's close enough. BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1 Chris Moyles: Which 'S' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes? Contestant: Ummm . . . Moyles: It begins with 'S' and rhymes with 'perm'. Contestant: Shark. STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2) Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play? Contestant: Jesus. |
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03-10-07, 03:26 PM
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#2 | |
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Shankly
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,841
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 Some classics on there.Quote:
Was Captain Fog that contestant?  
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03-10-07, 03:39 PM
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#3 |
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Dressed up as Batman?
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 131,092
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I am absolutely roaring laughing at some of these.
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Fucking chances, goals |
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03-10-07, 04:19 PM
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#4 |
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Benitez
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 527
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really is incredible how stupid some people are
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in january we were doomed. in august we will rise from the ashes of shite and march on again |
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03-10-07, 05:27 PM
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#5 |
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Souness
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 42
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absolute quality mate, I was pi55ing myself reading those! there really are some imbicilles out there!
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Lurker Extraordinaire |
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03-10-07, 05:34 PM
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#6 |
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Evans
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 170
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If you've never heard "hold your plums" there's some crackers here.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/liverpool/fun/2...ms_index.shtml |
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04-10-07, 01:34 PM
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#7 |
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Benitez
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 990
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how thick can some people be
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04-10-07, 04:12 PM
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#8 |
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Dressed up as Batman?
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 131,092
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Never forget this classic on Family Fortunes..
Bygraves: Name something people take with them to the beach. Johnson: Turkey. Bygraves: The first thing you buy at a supermarket. Johnson: Turkey. Bygraves: A food often stuffed. Johnson: Turkey.
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Fucking chances, goals |
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05-10-07, 01:03 AM
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#9 |
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Fagan
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,720
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Those answers are really funny.
How daft are some people!
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Twin boys - now arriving late August 2008. Its gonna be Fernando and Gerrard if I get my way! 
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05-10-07, 12:07 PM
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#10 |
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Extremely tubby
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,227
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FUCK OFF HICKS AND GILLETT WE DON'T WANT YOU. |
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05-10-07, 12:08 PM
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#11 | |
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Extremely tubby
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,227
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Quote:
Dennis: We asked 100 people to name something green. Contestant: My jumper
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FUCK OFF HICKS AND GILLETT WE DON'T WANT YOU. |
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05-10-07, 01:00 PM
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#12 |
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Fagan
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,376
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Name a furry animal :
A Bee |
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09-03-15, 07:18 PM
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#13 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 24,841
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Two Tribes
Q) Danny John Jules played The Cat in which TV Show A) Bagpuss
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Lot and lots of points still to go. We're going to win it for a 7th time instead. |
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09-03-15, 07:34 PM
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#14 |
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Shankly
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 9,447
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Oh I say his vision there was lovely |
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09-03-15, 07:42 PM
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#15 | |
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Expect the Wurst
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 5,013
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Quote:
Great bump. What was Ghandi's first name? Goosey? 
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09-03-15, 10:23 PM
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#16 | |
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Donald Buzzworth
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 43,589
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Quote:
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13-03-15, 12:02 AM
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#17 |
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El Pistolero
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 35,786
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"Its not about the long ball or the short ball, its about the right ball." Bob Paisley |
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13-03-15, 08:25 AM
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#18 |
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Big Girl's Blouse
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 33,336
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13-03-15, 08:35 AM
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#19 |
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Shankly
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 7,332
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13-03-15, 06:48 PM
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#20 |
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Takin' Her Easy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 35,516
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Like blood on iron |
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24-06-15, 12:14 PM
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#21 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 11,587
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[QUOTE]On holiday a few years back, I took part in a quiz and managed to reach the final only to lose out after what I consider to this day, to be a correct answer. The question asked 'What 'C' would you associate Jeremy Clarkson with?' to which I confidently replied 'cunt'. Not only was I told the answer was incorrect, but I was asked by the holiday rep to leave the premises immediately! Has anyone else experienced such appalling treatment whilst holidaying with one's family?
Noel, Leeds/[QUOTE]
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"But thus I counsel you, my friends: Mistrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful. They are people of a low sort and stock; the hangmen and the bloodhound look out of their faces. Mistrust all who talk much of their justice! Verily, their souls lack more than honey. And when they call themselves the good and the just, do not forget that they would be pharisees, if only they had power." |
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24-06-15, 10:49 PM
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#22 |
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Benitez
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 990
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I was in a quiz with my wife and there was a question about the film The Dirty Dozen and she said is that the one with seven of them in it!
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14-08-15, 06:15 PM
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#23 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 24,841
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I'm convinced the people on this Two Tribes are forced to appear.
They can't be applying because they think they know stuff.
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Lot and lots of points still to go. We're going to win it for a 7th time instead. |
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20-08-15, 10:44 AM
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#24 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 19,844
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This is fictitious and from a TV show, but i nearly wet myself when first seeing it on Phoenix Nights:
Ray Von/The Quiz Ninja: And the answer is, the Shroud of Turin. Phoenix Nights Quiz Team: Ah, sh*t. Kenny Junior: What did we put ? Kenny Senior: Lisa Stansfield 
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Sack swinging like Dub-D40 on a door hinge |
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24-11-15, 07:18 PM
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#25 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 24,841
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On Eggheads and actually one of the Eggheads not a contestant.
And I don't care they might not like football they are smug buggers so I'm going to mock. I missed the exact questions but based on the answer... Who took over from Alex Ferguson as manager of Manchester United. He gave the answer Tommy Docherty.
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Lot and lots of points still to go. We're going to win it for a 7th time instead. |
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24-11-15, 08:24 PM
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#26 |
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The Wisp
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 20,681
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Wow, absolutely mental.
Thanks for letting us know.
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Hello mert. |
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24-11-15, 08:26 PM
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#27 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 24,841
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Anytime. Its a service I like to provide. I would have created a new thread if it was that gobshite CJ getting it wrong.
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Lot and lots of points still to go. We're going to win it for a 7th time instead. |
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24-11-15, 09:20 PM
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#28 | |
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Ant Pisser
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 66,760
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Quote:
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Oh I don't know. |
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24-11-15, 09:33 PM
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#29 | |
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Passion for fire alarms or extinguishers?
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 34,978
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Quote:
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i own everton fans on the internet....that's what i do |
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16-07-16, 02:44 AM
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#30 |
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Befuddled
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,463
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Last year while in Lanzarote myself and the family won a pub quiz. I was very happy and stood up and gave a speech, promising to return and compete again.
We returned to Lanzarote this year but my family refused to go to the quiz. Apparently I'm embarrassing.
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I love Sarah |
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16-07-16, 08:55 AM
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#31 |
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Dalglish
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,494
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Great story
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16-07-16, 12:08 PM
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#32 | |
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Shooterista
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 32,026
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Quote:
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16-07-16, 04:00 PM
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#33 | |
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Dalglish
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 2,477
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Quote:
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SakhoPotatoes
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16-07-16, 04:32 PM
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#34 |
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Dan Ashcroft
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 51,624
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wtf
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16-07-16, 05:22 PM
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#35 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 24,841
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Lot and lots of points still to go. We're going to win it for a 7th time instead. |
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03-09-16, 06:33 PM
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#36 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 24,841
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Pointless Celebrities: An element in the periodic table beginning with a letter in the second half of the alphabet
Arlene Phillips: A Flame (aflame? Not suite sure what hideously wrong answer on multiple levels she was trying to give))
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Lot and lots of points still to go. We're going to win it for a 7th time instead. |
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03-01-17, 08:06 PM
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#37 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 24,841
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Have we all seen this doing the rounds from Pointless yesterday?
http://metro.co.uk/video/pointless-c...riend-1385173/
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Lot and lots of points still to go. We're going to win it for a 7th time instead. |
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07-01-17, 12:23 AM
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#38 |
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Hip Flask Hater
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,175
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Yet another
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07-01-17, 09:10 PM
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#39 | |
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George Soros
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 14,252
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Quote:
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Cheers Subby MetalliGear Neo Qube : Ryzen 3600 : Gigabyte x570 Aorus Elite : 32GB Dominator 3600Mhz : Sabrent Gen 4 NVME SSD : Sapphire 5600XT : MasterLiquid 360 : 850w G2 : CableMod custom cables : Win 10 |
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07-01-17, 09:23 PM
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#40 | |
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Paisley
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 11,421
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Quote:
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Experimental music, Metropolitan foodstuffs, Mexican wrestler art, London suburbia, marital subservience, wry whimsy |
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