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Old 16-12-10, 11:28 PM   #321
Gibbo
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<derekgreeneyes> hey im a guy so if you're a perve tryin to mess with a girl then gtfo

<rabiddog> thank god for that

<derekgreeneyes> hehe

<rabiddog> i just wanted to talk about updog!

<derekgreeneyes> updog?

<rabiddog> yeah updog

<derekgreeneyes> whats updog?

<rabiddog> nothing much you?

<rabiddog> muahahahahahahaha

<derekgreeneyes> fucking asshole






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Old 17-12-10, 12:06 AM   #322
-V-
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KK07 View Post

sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look Iím sorry. Iím just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. Iím in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Donít fucking laugh at me!
bloodninja: This shit is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a fucking break
bloodninja: Iím serious.
sweet17: I donít get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: Iím wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: Itís kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are fucking sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you arenít one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: Iím not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: fuck you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Werenít you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I donít want to send you the picture cause Iím not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops arenít
sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKSHIT!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. Whatís your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. Iím looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: Iíve lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. Iím not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isnít you.
bloodninja: Iíll be damned if it ainít!
sweet17: You donít look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guyÖ.
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go fuck yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit wonít get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldnít have sent you that picture.
sweet17: Youíve done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesnít hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I canít believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I canít believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!
bloodninja: Youíd break both of his legs.
sweet17: Youíre a fucking wanker!
sweet17: Iíve been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you donít even know me
bloodninja: Ok. Iím sorry.
sweet17: No you arenít
bloodninja: Youíre right. Iím not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: Iím done with you
bloodninja: Aww. Iím sorry.
sweet17: Iím putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: Iíll eat your kitty
sweet17: Youíll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said Iíd eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldnít get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: Iíd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well Iím not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I donít know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: Iím afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesnít that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I wonít do it if you donít want me to
sweet17: I didnít say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limpÖ you say ďHARRRR!!!Ē
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You canít be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: Itís my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then youíll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh Ögoing limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I fuck harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: Östill limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy appleÖ
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: FUCK YOU DICKHEAD!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabinÖ
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: Ögoing limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

Unforgettable

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Old 17-12-10, 12:10 AM   #323
Leyton388
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The omegle thread was the greatest one EVER.
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Old 17-12-10, 06:25 PM   #324
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No it wasnt. And I started the fucker.
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Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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Old 17-12-10, 06:36 PM   #325
Norbs
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Mmmmm, horse porn
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Old 17-12-10, 07:31 PM   #326
Reaper
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Is that a request?
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"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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Old 17-12-10, 11:19 PM   #327
ChesterDave
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neil Young View Post
<UKDJ|Planet> I swear to god
<UKDJ|Planet> I've just heard a duck tell a joke
<Jock> o...k
<UKDJ|Planet> there was as group of ducks on a pond near where i live
<UKDJ|Planet> one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks
<UKDJ|Planet> then he stopped and all the other ducks went mental
<UKDJ|Planet> it looked just like duck stand-up comedy
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Old 18-12-10, 11:08 AM   #328
Norbs
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Reaper View Post
Is that a request?


Go on then
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Old 19-12-10, 01:07 PM   #329
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no...really mate, you don't want a reaper PM with his idea of porn...you'll go off your food until March
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Old 19-12-10, 01:28 PM   #330
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Subby View Post
no...really mate, you don't want a reaper PM with his idea of porn...you'll go off your food until March
I miss them, had a few in the past

I loved the sex offender getting retribution in jail one most
Didn't really watch it tbh
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Old 20-12-10, 10:31 PM   #331
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Subby View Post
no...really mate, you don't want a reaper PM with his idea of porn...you'll go off your food until March
If you carry on tipping people off I may be forced to unleash the power of Eamonn
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"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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Old 21-12-10, 01:28 AM   #332
Qantaga
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Reaper View Post
If you carry on tipping people off I may be forced to unleash the power of Eamonn
Please, go on
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Old 21-12-10, 01:30 AM   #333
Reaper
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Na mate. He knows what I mean. I think he will refrain from now on
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"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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Old 21-12-10, 01:51 AM   #334
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hahaha

\Q
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Old 07-07-11, 07:35 AM   #335
davegrady1
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Bump

Thanks Subby for the link.

Didnt think it was possible to laugh more than I did reading all of Duncan Jenkins stuff but I was wrong.
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Old 07-07-11, 04:36 PM   #336
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always a good read - just spent a good hour scanning through
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Old 07-07-11, 08:18 PM   #337
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i love the wizards hat stuff.
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Old 17-08-11, 10:54 AM   #338
destinydude
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Fantastic. Had a good laarf.
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Old 18-08-11, 05:15 AM   #339
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<woodenleg> what should i get my gf for her birthday?
<spherXz> your virginity
<woodenleg> lol, something i haven't already given her?
<spherXz> an orgasm
<woodenleg> i'll ask someone else...

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Old 23-08-11, 07:02 PM   #340
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<imthatguy> One night home from the bars, which aside from the occasional pizza place the only other thing open was this porno store. I'm not sure why - I think one of my friends wanted to buy a magazine - but we went in, and annoyed the shop's patrons by picking up every ridiculous sex toy and laughing about it loudly. The most absurd thing we found was a large plastic beer can - meant to look like "Coors Light," or something, but much larger - and when you unscrewed the cap at the top, there was a latex vagina inside, that you were meant to stick your dick in and fuck the can. Well, not really "fuck" the can, exactly, but masturbate with it.

<imthatguy> So of course we have to buy the beer can vagina, because we're drunk and it's funny, and we figure we'll find some entertaining unintended use for it. So we paid for it and continued on our merry way back to the hotel. Once there we said our goodbyes and retired to our rooms, and I realized that somehow I'd gotten stuck carrying the bag from the sex store. I set it down on the desk and didn't think much about it. That is, for a few minutes, until I found myself sitting on the bed in my hotel room, drunk and lonely and sexually frustrated, and I kept staring over at that stupid beer can vagina.

<imthatguy> "Maybe I should just try it. Just see what it feels like..." I mean, why not, right? You know. Just for kicks, right? So you know what? I fucked it. Yeah. I fucked a plastic beer can. I fucked the shit out of that can. And you know what? It felt alright. It did the trick. That is, until it was all over. Until the moment after, when I was hit by a sobering freight train of humility, looking down at my dick stuck inside a latex vagina housed in a plastic beer can. Moments like that you start to question everything - "How the hell did it come to this? Who am I? What am I doing with my life?" I probably sat there for an hour, silently with my plastic lover, pondering my existence.

<imthatguy> The next morning, when the subject of the previous night came up and someone said, "oh, where's that funny beer can thing we got? Rob, you had it, right?" And everyone looks at me, and I just stare at them for a moment, and then say, "...I fucked it. I fucked it and I hated myself, and now it's gone." There was a slight pause, followed by uproarious laughter. The ridicule took months to subside.
__________________
"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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Old 23-08-11, 07:03 PM   #341
Reaper
Jerry Sadowitz
 
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<saboteur> sometimes i wish i didtn have a penis
<saboteur> like when i get a wood standing up
<Damien> lol sab
<saboteur> and its hard to hide
<phase5> same
<phase5> or like, when your walking down the street
<phase5> and it hangs out the bottom of your pants
<phase5> and drags on the ground
<saboteur> haha
<saboteur> yeah exactly
<k> or when you lie down and planes crash into it
__________________
"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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Old 23-08-11, 07:06 PM   #342
Reaper
Jerry Sadowitz
 
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Posts: 5,541
Hunting Bounties: Where can I get a ps2 emulator?
OOPRCT: from YNOS
Hunting Bounties: Where is that
Hunting Bounties: ?
OOPRCT: it's a secret company
OOPRCT: try searching on the programs called EKAF and SURIV
OOPRCT: EKAF and SURIV has the YNOS emulator
OOPRCT: DIPUTS also has it
__________________
"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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Old 23-08-11, 10:45 PM   #343
Reaper
Jerry Sadowitz
 
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Posts: 5,541
<radead> (number of slashdot posts x ultima online character level)^(number of dime sized zits on face)/(girlfriends had before + 1) = sizeOf(nerd)
<radead> girlfriends had before + 1 so we don't get a divide by zero error
__________________
"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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Old 26-08-11, 12:13 AM   #344
Reaper
Jerry Sadowitz
 
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Posts: 5,541
<Conflict> my girlfriend tattooed this guy's dick last week and when i came home i was like "how'd the tattoo go?" and she goes "fine, except that I needed both hands so I had to hold his cock in my mouth." i was like "thats ni-you whaaa?!??"
__________________
"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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