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05-03-20, 03:09 PM
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#2881 |
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Micka "don't f*** with me" Wallace
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 16,759
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I can't stop buying cars this week.
I've bought a VW golf, an Audi and a Toyota so far this week. I think I've got car owner virus.
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Klopp on LFC vs MUFC (March 9th 2016) - "This is why I love football. This is why we watched it when we were young. I can still not have enough of it."   Always, keep your face to the sun, and shadows will fall behind you. |
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05-03-20, 04:08 PM
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#2882 |
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Daddy day care
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 22,429
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......
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Champions of Europe and the World. removing all the weak links makes us stronger too many gutless players, no beef or desire. pussies everywhere... sack them all, but not VVD or Alisson |
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05-03-20, 04:48 PM
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#2883 | |
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Micka "don't f*** with me" Wallace
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 16,759
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Quote:
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Klopp on LFC vs MUFC (March 9th 2016) - "This is why I love football. This is why we watched it when we were young. I can still not have enough of it." Always, keep your face to the sun, and shadows will fall behind you. |
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05-03-20, 05:28 PM
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#2884 |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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How much does it cost pirates to get their ears pierced?
About a buccaneer. |
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30-05-20, 04:03 AM
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#2885 |
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Daddy day care
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 22,429
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Experience what 10 years of marriage is like by telling a deaf stranger about your day while they check Facebook on their phone.
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Champions of Europe and the World. removing all the weak links makes us stronger too many gutless players, no beef or desire. pussies everywhere... sack them all, but not VVD or Alisson |
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01-06-20, 08:41 AM
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#2886 |
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Benitez
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 686
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If you have a fear of giants, do you have Fefifobia?
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If only I was as good as I thought I was |
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24-06-20, 01:12 PM
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#2887 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 11,367
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Little Johnny SAS.
A teacher asked the children in her third year class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny answered first. "I want to start out as an S.A.S. Officer, go to the Middle East and kill loads of militant Terrorists and return as a national hero. "Then I'd become a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find myself the finest nymphomaniac tart, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane." The teacher - shocked and not knowing what to do with this unfortunate response from little Johnny - decided not to acknowledge what he had said and simply tried to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?" "I want to be Johnny's tart!" |
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21-07-20, 11:41 PM
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#2888 |
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Daddy day care
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 22,429
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I used to go out with a girl called Lyndsey Doyle, she smelt like a cricket bat.
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Champions of Europe and the World. removing all the weak links makes us stronger too many gutless players, no beef or desire. pussies everywhere... sack them all, but not VVD or Alisson |
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22-07-20, 07:17 AM
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#2889 | |
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Expect the Wurst
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 5,074
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Quote:
Did she not smell like the school cormorant? |
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22-07-20, 12:52 PM
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#2890 | |
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Daddy day care
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 22,429
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Quote:
 
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Champions of Europe and the World. removing all the weak links makes us stronger too many gutless players, no beef or desire. pussies everywhere... sack them all, but not VVD or Alisson |
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28-07-20, 07:20 AM
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#2891 |
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Houllier
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 390
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Prince Charles arrives in Iran on an official visit. and enquires to the president, 'Where's the Shah?'
'What do you mean?', replies the president. 'There is no shah. We got rid of the shah years ago.' 'Alright then', says Prince Charles, 'in that case I'll have a bath!'
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All you touch and all you see Is all your life will ever be |
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28-07-20, 07:31 AM
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#2892 |
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Big Girl's Blouse
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 33,588
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29-07-20, 12:46 PM
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#2893 | |
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Dressed up as Batman?
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 131,274
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Quote:
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Fucking chances, goals |
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29-07-20, 02:16 PM
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#2894 |
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Administrator
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 35,757
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Thats the sort of Joke I can get behind
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*Except Michael, who died. |
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29-07-20, 06:15 PM
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#2895 |
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Big Girl's Blouse
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 33,588
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Yeah, this is the wrong thread for it
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29-08-20, 01:52 AM
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#2896 |
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Houllier
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 390
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My wife said she was leaving me because I exaggerate too much.
I was so shocked I almost tripped over my cock!
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All you touch and all you see Is all your life will ever be |
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01-09-20, 09:48 PM
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#2897 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 25,040
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As we don't have a good jokes thread I'll have to put this shamelessly stolen off Twitter joke here
Knock Knock Who's there? Steve Brookstein Steve Brookstein who? Thay's showbusiness
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Lot and lots of points still to go. We're going to win it for a 7th time instead. |
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13-12-20, 09:27 PM
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#2898 |
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Big Girl's Blouse
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 33,588
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Just heard the kids from alder hey hospital will be visiting the Liverpool players to cheer them up this year.
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13-12-20, 10:07 PM
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#2899 |
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The Wisp
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 20,820
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very good
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Hello mert. |
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23-12-20, 07:50 PM
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#2900 |
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Big Girl's Blouse
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 33,588
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Apparently, The whole of Cornwall has been placed into tier 4 lockdown after hundreds of pirates returned home to Penzance to celebrate Christmas with their families.
Apparently the Arrrrr rate has increased dramatically. |
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03-03-21, 08:24 PM
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#2901 |
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Doesnt subscribe to Craig's conspiracy theories!
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 9,506
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Why did Adele cross the road? To say’ Hello from the other side.
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UCL Champions 2019 EPL Champions 2020 |
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03-03-21, 11:43 PM
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#2902 |
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Micka "don't f*** with me" Wallace
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 16,759
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Why do Scuba Divers fall backwards out of a boat?
Because if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat.
__________________
Klopp on LFC vs MUFC (March 9th 2016) - "This is why I love football. This is why we watched it when we were young. I can still not have enough of it." Always, keep your face to the sun, and shadows will fall behind you. |
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04-03-21, 12:07 AM
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#2903 |
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The Wisp
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 20,820
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Hello mert. |
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04-03-21, 02:49 PM
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#2904 | |
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Big Girl's Blouse
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 33,588
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Quote:
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20-03-21, 12:23 AM
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#2905 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 11,367
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A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walked in to blood donation clinic. The nursed asked the rabbit: "What is your blood type?"
"I am probably a type O" said the rabbit. |
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20-03-21, 12:25 AM
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#2906 | |
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Expect the Wurst
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 5,074
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Quote:
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20-03-21, 02:47 AM
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#2907 |
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The Wisp
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 20,820
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__________________
Hello mert. |
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20-03-21, 04:17 PM
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#2908 |
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Cuboid Humanoid
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 30,091
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Ah fuck, just logged on to post that
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3 Cups and the Champions League.
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20-03-21, 04:17 PM
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#2909 |
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Benitez
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 686
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Excellent, and I've nicked it
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If only I was as good as I thought I was |
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23-03-21, 12:50 PM
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#2910 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 11,367
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Two Americans flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose. They managed to bag 6.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose. The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power the little plane couldn't possibly handle the load and went down. Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the 2 American hunters survived the crash. After climbing out of the wreckage, Hank asked Chuck, "Any idea where we are?" Chuck replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year!" Last edited by kev776; 23-03-21 at 01:04 PM. |
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25-03-21, 10:18 AM
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#2911 |
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Dressed up as Batman?
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 131,274
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__________________
Fucking chances, goals |
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01-04-21, 12:40 PM
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#2912 | |
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Dalglish
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,181
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Quote:
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Akloppalypse Now ! |
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