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Old 22-08-08, 09:05 PM   #121
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A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet.
His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off.

Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating.

'How come you are sweating?' he asks.

The parrot replies, 'Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?'
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"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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Old 22-08-08, 10:11 PM   #122
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What have Gareth gates and Harold Shipman got in common?
Neither of them can finish a sentence.
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Old 22-08-08, 10:15 PM   #123
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Name a Bird that cant Fly?






The one from Holby City
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Old 22-08-08, 10:18 PM   #124
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It's a very sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his wife are facing divorce and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes about her false leg





Personally, I think it's prosthetic
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Old 23-08-08, 01:11 AM   #125
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Quote:
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Gary Glitter has caused a hold up in an east Asian airport by refusing to allow his hand luggage to be checked












Brilliant!

Thanks for the PM, Mr Reaper.
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Old 25-08-08, 04:34 PM   #126
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What has getting your girlfriend pregnant and locking your keys in the car got in common?




Both problems can be easily fixed with a coat hanger
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"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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Old 26-08-08, 10:00 AM   #127
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Quote:
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What has getting your girlfriend pregnant and locking your keys in the car got in common?




Both problems can be easily fixed with a coat hanger
class

sick fucker
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"Sky and Setanta have the right to choose their games and it will be the same for everyone. So Mr Ferguson will not be complaining about fixtures and a campaign against United.

"Or there is another option. That Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple."
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Old 26-08-08, 10:06 AM   #128
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what have wellies and George Michael got in common ?



they both get sucked off in bogs
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Old 26-08-08, 10:09 AM   #129
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Stevie Wonder put down the cheese grater and said
" Thats the most violent book I've ever read !! "

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Old 26-08-08, 11:10 AM   #130
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How come, when a couple get divorced, the bloke has to pay his ex-wife a share of his future earnings but the woman doesn't have to do the bloke's future housework?
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"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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Old 26-08-08, 11:13 AM   #131
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Channel 4 are said to be looking for someone to fill Carol Vorderman's shoes.

Now.. I can only produce about a teaspoon at a time but I'm more than happy to give it go.
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"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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Old 26-08-08, 12:17 PM   #132
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Bloke out for a walk and sees a fit looking blonde on the cliff edge
" Are you going to jump "
" Yes " replies the blonde
" Before you go, fancy giving me a blowjob ? "
" OK "

and gives him the best blowjob he's ever had

" I can't believe with a talent like that you want to kill yourself ? "

" I know, but my parents just can't accept that I like dressing like a girl "
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Old 26-08-08, 02:14 PM   #133
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Olympic races are a bit like being in London night clubs...

you hear a gunshot and then 6 Black men all start running...
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Old 26-08-08, 03:59 PM   #134
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tufty View Post
Stevie Wonder put down the cheese grater and said
" Thats the most violent book I've ever read !! "

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Old 28-08-08, 04:22 PM   #135
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Four blokes turn up in Beijing in a truck with wooden posts and barbed wire in the back

Turns out it was the Irish fencing team
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Old 28-08-08, 04:26 PM   #136
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A redhead goes into the doctors and says that everywhere she touches hurts. The doctor asks her to show him. She touches her arm and screams, she touches her face and screams, she touches her leg and screams.

Doctors says - you are not actually a redhead are you.
Girl says - no I'm really blond, how did you know
Doctor says - because your finger is broken
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Old 31-08-08, 03:22 PM   #137
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whats big and blue and fucks children???

me and my lucky blue coat

heard that yesterday
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"Sky and Setanta have the right to choose their games and it will be the same for everyone. So Mr Ferguson will not be complaining about fixtures and a campaign against United.

"Or there is another option. That Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple."
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Old 31-08-08, 06:41 PM   #138
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What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron
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Old 01-09-08, 10:06 AM   #139
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Why do these young girls wear training bras?

If they asked me i'd teach them what their tits are for.
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"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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Old 01-09-08, 10:28 AM   #140
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whats the best thing about sex in the shower with an 8 year old????


when her hair gets wet and you slick it back she only looks about 6
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"Sky and Setanta have the right to choose their games and it will be the same for everyone. So Mr Ferguson will not be complaining about fixtures and a campaign against United.

"Or there is another option. That Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple."
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Old 01-09-08, 10:48 AM   #141
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a glaswegian estate agen thas denied that gary glitter is looking at houses in the city but he has confirmed there was a very public fucking of some buoys yesterday
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Old 01-09-08, 11:42 AM   #142
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Whats blue and doesnt fit?








A dead epiletic
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Old 01-09-08, 03:40 PM   #143
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Whats black and bumps into things???

Jordans baby Harvey!
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Awoooga!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-09-08, 11:07 AM   #144
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a witness watches on as a gang of 15 blokes chase a manure supporter through a pub car park, corner him, and kick the living shit out of him.

Later in court he is asked why he didn't do something to assist.

'Well to be quite honest I thought fifteen was probably enough'.
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Old 03-09-08, 11:09 AM   #145
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Woman in labour, shouting and screaming as usual, "get this out of me, give me drugs".
She turns to the boyfriend and says "You did this to me you fucker ". He replied casually,
"If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse but you said, "fuck off it'll be too painful",
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Old 03-09-08, 11:35 AM   #146
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you are all invited to a big family BBQ at a mansion in shropshire


there will be plenty of beer



but sadly no fosters
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Old 04-09-08, 01:28 AM   #147
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Since my wife died I no longer want to get out of bed in the morning.

Somebody has to keep her warm!
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"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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Old 04-09-08, 09:36 AM   #148
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What is red and screams?

A peeled baby in a salt bath
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Old 04-09-08, 03:30 PM   #149
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What do Gary Glitter and napalm have in common?


They can both strip the clothes off a vietnamese child in less than 2 seconds
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Old 04-09-08, 04:48 PM   #150
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Whats the difference between Heath Ledger and Heath Ledger Jokes?

















Heath Ledger jokes can get old.
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Old 04-09-08, 11:11 PM   #151
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A guy walks into a bar with a dog.
The barman looks at the dog and asks what sort of dog it is.
"It's a mongol," replies the guy.
"No, I think you'll find that it's a mongrel," responds the barman.
"No, It's a mongol," replies the guy.
"No, really, I think you'll find that it's a mongrel," answers the barman.
"No, It's a mongol," replies the guy.
"No, the word for a mixed breed dog is a mongrel," says the barman strongly.
The guy looks at the barman and says, "look, it's a bloody mongol and I'll prove it."
The guy then looks at the dog, points to the floor and says, "Down, Syndrome."
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Old 05-09-08, 09:04 AM   #152
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Police have removed the bodies from that burnt out mansion as they have now cooled down........

Well you wouldn’t want a warm fosters would you
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Old 05-09-08, 01:02 PM   #153
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Quote:
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What is red and screams?

A peeled baby in a salt bath
oh my god thats the best/worst one yet!! fucking hell some of these are cringeworthy!!!!!
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Old 07-09-08, 04:52 PM   #154
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amir khan proved last night that muslims dont drink when he failed to get a round in
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Old 11-09-08, 10:49 AM   #155
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whats pink and has cobwebs on it ???





























madeline mc canns bike
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"Sky and Setanta have the right to choose their games and it will be the same for everyone. So Mr Ferguson will not be complaining about fixtures and a campaign against United.

"Or there is another option. That Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple."
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Old 11-09-08, 12:39 PM   #156
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" Dad, where does poo come from ? "


" Well son, when you eat your food goes down your throat, passed your esophagus to your stomach where the digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal to extract protein before waste products decend via the colon and rectum to emerge as 'poo'



" Well fuck me ..........where does Tigger come from ? "
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Old 11-09-08, 01:14 PM   #157
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The girl next door has a life threatening condition.






















She is fancied by me.
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"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."
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Old 11-09-08, 01:57 PM   #158
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Quote:
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whats pink and has cobwebs on it ???





























madeline mc canns bike



















































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Old 11-09-08, 11:11 PM   #159
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Just tell me seriously. Where is that funny?
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Old 12-09-08, 11:25 AM   #160
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Olympic officials have decided to ensure all events at the London games in 2012 are held in daylight hours rather than floodlights as it was noted that in Bejing a large number of the spectators were having to squint
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