The Darwin Awards

[Deano]

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.


Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.


And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayohad escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some booze pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

[bonzai]

Absolutely brilliant!!!

[Mike]

I love these how the fuck can people be this dumb though.

[The Erectile Banana]

Originally Posted by Deano

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.



9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

This one made me laugh the most.

[Subby]

Originally Posted by Mike

I love these how the fuck can people be this dumb though.

probably american

[Subby]

Originally Posted by Deano

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.


Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.


And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayohad escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some booze pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

are these not last years???

they seem very familiar

[Deano]

Originally Posted by Subby

are these not last years???

they seem very familiar

Someone sent them on an e-mail - Made me chuckle so I'd thought I'd post

Here the site link

http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/

[Subby]

darwin awards are great though

funny as

[Subby]

http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2009.html

this years ones I think

[Mike]

My fave is story of an office worker in a tall building who reckoned that the windows are so tough that he could run into a window and it would withstand the force. He put the theory to the test and found out the hard way he was wrong . . .

[Carras_Shin_Pads]

These are amazing! How do they get reported?

[Paul.S]

Originally Posted by Carras_Shin_Pads

These are amazing! How do they get reported?

IIRC they can be submitted, the "Darwin Awards" have a team who then verify the story etc.

[DaveMc68]

Originally Posted by Mike

My fave is story of an office worker in a tall building who reckoned that the windows are so tough that he could run into a window and it would withstand the force. He put the theory to the test and found out the hard way he was wrong . . .

I think he used to do the office tours.

He'd finish his tour at the end of the corridor and for effect would then say something like "thats the end of todays tour, my name is blah but you can call me superman" at which point he'd sprint down the corridor and dive into the glass unit.
Then one time it broke.

[Carras_Shin_Pads]

Originally Posted by Paul.S

IIRC they can be submitted, the "Darwin Awards" have a team who then verify the story etc.

niice

[Paul.S]

Originally Posted by DaveMc68

I think he used to do the office tours.

He'd finish his tour at the end of the corridor and for effect would then say something like "thats the end of todays tour, my name is blah but you can call me superman" at which point he'd sprint down the corridor and dive into the glass unit.
Then one time it broke.

There's a few variations of the story, I think the genuine one is a Laywer, who runs into a pane (to scare his students), which fails at the edge (weakest part of a tempered glass pane), shattering and sending him through it.

There are variations to spice it up, such as it was a Glass Salesman, proving the pane was unbreakable, when he jumps into the panel, the whole sheet falls out. He lands on the ground and the glass lands on top of him, not breaking.... sounds cooler, but is untrue.

[DaveMc68]

Yeah, the first one sounds very like the way I heard it, just didn't remember him being a lawyer. The other sounds complete bollocks as you say.

I was told the story during a seminar at saint gobain glass covering impact barrier loadings on safety glass, and brittish standard testing. Probably the most exiting day I've ever had.

[PTP]

Safety Glass rocks

[nebbers]

There is one story about a man jumping from a building to commit suicide. On the way down he flew past a window where a gun was fired. The bullet from the gun killed him rather then the fall.

[paulg]

Originally Posted by nebbers

There is one story about a man jumping from a building to commit suicide. On the way down he flew past a window where a gun was fired. The bullet from the gun killed him rather then the fall.

I heard a version of that. Man and wife argue constantly, man threatens wife with gun, she laughs. He shoots her and misses, bullet goes through window and hits their plummeting son who'd got so sick of their arguing he decided to top himself.

Convoluted, no?

[kev776]

Originally Posted by paulg

I heard a version of that. Man and wife argue constantly, man threatens wife with gun, she laughs. He shoots her and misses, bullet goes through window and hits their plummeting son who'd got so sick of their arguing he decided to top himself.

Convoluted, no?

Did the boy land on the family dog, who shot out of the door when the gun was fired?

[Neil Young]

Originally Posted by kev776

Did the boy land on the family dog, who shot out of the door when the gun was fired?

No, I was unharmed but thanks for your concern.

[The Erectile Banana]

Originally Posted by paulg

I heard a version of that. Man and wife argue constantly, man threatens wife with gun, she laughs. He shoots her and misses, bullet goes through window and hits their plummeting son who'd got so sick of their arguing he decided to top himself.

Convoluted, no?

That story was at the start of the film Magnolia.

[CJ]

wasnt there some more to that story about the fact that the guy who was shot had loaded the gun or something like that

[paulg]

That's right, something about the boy wanting his dad dead so loaded the gun to shoot him, then changed his mind or some such.

[Darth Marty]

so utter bollocks then.

[CJ]

oh ye of little faith








































of course

[Mike]

And once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees.
"The Darwins " are awarded every year to the persons who died in the stupidest manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool. Some may submit a list for your consideration that is nothing more than a "resend" of last year's winners. Here is the official 2009 list. Notice the interesting spin for this year's first place award which comes to us - from of all places, Arkansas . How surprising is that?
This years nominees are:

Nominee No. 1: ( San Jose Mercury News): An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriends windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: ( Kalamazoo Gazette): James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo , MI , was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft.

Nominee No. 3: ( Hickory Daily Record): Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton , NC . Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

Nominee No. 4: (UPI, Toronto ): Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings' windows to visiting law students.. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" (ed note:????) members of the 200-man association.


Nominee No. 5: (The News of the Weird): Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina 's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.



Nominee No. 6: A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk , IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriffs investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 7: (Reuters, Mississauga , Ontario ): A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred, said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.

Finally, THE WINNER!!!: ( Arkansas Democrat Gazette): Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock , were returning to Des Arc after a frog catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Pooles pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the 22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering- wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge . After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his n**s off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia ( Poole 's wife), asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck. Priorities, after all!! Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.

[Tee]

[Reece]

Nominee No. 5: (The News of the Weird): Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina 's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

[Darkon]

idiots!

[Tatterdemalion]

Are the contenders for the Darwin awards exclusively north american because that is where they are based, or is just natural selection?

[Exiled_red]

Originally Posted by Mike

Finally, THE WINNER!!!: ( Arkansas Democrat Gazette): Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock , were returning to Des Arc after a frog catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Pooles pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the 22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering- wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge . After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his n**s off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia ( Poole 's wife), asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck. Priorities, after all!! Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.

[johnp]

Originally Posted by Mike

Nominee No. 6: A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk , IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriffs investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

Almost saw the same thing in Australia. We were changing buses from a coach to a mini-bus for the last part of a 20-hour bus trip to Exmouth on the West Coast. It was late at night, maybe about 10pm so it was dark.
While we were putting the bags in the minibus, the driver asks if we want to see some fireworks. Why not! It was a circular firework, with lots of tubes in it that would shoot lots of lovely coloured fireballs in the air.
So he sets off into the bush, lights the firework and runs back to us.

Nothing happens.

He trots off to pick up the firework and brings it back. He's trying to look in, but can't see anything so uses his lighter to get a better look
Luckily for him, nothing happened.

I was gonna say something at the time, but thought it'd be good inclusion for the Darwins

[dom9]

Drivers in US urged not to drive while blindfolded.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-46846981