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Old 05-03-20, 03:09 PM   #2881
Slinky Skills
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I can't stop buying cars this week.

I've bought a VW golf, an Audi and a Toyota so far this week.

I think I've got car owner virus.
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Klopp on LFC vs MUFC (March 9th 2016) - "This is why I love football. This is why we watched it when we were young. I can still not have enough of it."


Always, keep your face to the sun, and shadows will fall behind you.
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Old 05-03-20, 04:08 PM   #2882
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......
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Champions of Europe and the World. removing all the weak links makes us stronger

too many gutless players, no beef or desire. pussies everywhere... sack them all, but not VVD or Alisson
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Old 05-03-20, 04:48 PM   #2883
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Quote:
Originally Posted by baitman View Post
......
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Klopp on LFC vs MUFC (March 9th 2016) - "This is why I love football. This is why we watched it when we were young. I can still not have enough of it."


Always, keep your face to the sun, and shadows will fall behind you.
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Old 05-03-20, 05:28 PM   #2884
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How much does it cost pirates to get their ears pierced?

About a buccaneer.
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Old 30-05-20, 04:03 AM   #2885
baitman
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Experience what 10 years of marriage is like by telling a deaf stranger about your day while they check Facebook on their phone.
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Champions of Europe and the World. removing all the weak links makes us stronger

too many gutless players, no beef or desire. pussies everywhere... sack them all, but not VVD or Alisson
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Old 01-06-20, 08:41 AM   #2886
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If you have a fear of giants, do you have Fefifobia?
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Old 24-06-20, 01:12 PM   #2887
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Little Johnny SAS.
A teacher asked the children in her third year class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny answered first. "I want to start out as an S.A.S. Officer, go to the Middle East and kill loads of militant Terrorists and return as a national hero.
"Then I'd become a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find myself the finest nymphomaniac tart, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher - shocked and not knowing what to do with this unfortunate response from little Johnny - decided not to acknowledge what he had said and simply tried to continue with the lesson.

"And how about you, Sarah?"
"I want to be Johnny's tart!"
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Old 21-07-20, 11:41 PM   #2888
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I used to go out with a girl called Lyndsey Doyle, she smelt like a cricket bat.
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Champions of Europe and the World. removing all the weak links makes us stronger

too many gutless players, no beef or desire. pussies everywhere... sack them all, but not VVD or Alisson
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Old 22-07-20, 07:17 AM   #2889
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Quote:
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I used to go out with a girl called Lyndsey Doyle, she smelt like a cricket bat.



Did she not smell like the school cormorant?
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Old 22-07-20, 12:52 PM   #2890
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saveloy View Post



Did she not smell like the school cormorant?
Its not true, btw
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Champions of Europe and the World. removing all the weak links makes us stronger

too many gutless players, no beef or desire. pussies everywhere... sack them all, but not VVD or Alisson
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Old 28-07-20, 07:20 AM   #2891
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Prince Charles arrives in Iran on an official visit. and enquires to the president, 'Where's the Shah?'
'What do you mean?', replies the president. 'There is no shah. We got rid of the shah years ago.'
'Alright then', says Prince Charles, 'in that case I'll have a bath!'
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Old 28-07-20, 07:31 AM   #2892
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Old 29-07-20, 12:46 PM   #2893
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bacon View Post
Prince Charles arrives in Iran on an official visit. and enquires to the president, 'Where's the Shah?'
'What do you mean?', replies the president. 'There is no shah. We got rid of the shah years ago.'
'Alright then', says Prince Charles, 'in that case I'll have a bath!'
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That were absolute diabolical
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Old 29-07-20, 02:16 PM   #2894
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Thats the sort of Joke I can get behind
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*Except Michael, who died.
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Old 29-07-20, 06:15 PM   #2895
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Yeah, this is the wrong thread for it
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Old 29-08-20, 01:52 AM   #2896
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My wife said she was leaving me because I exaggerate too much.
I was so shocked I almost tripped over my cock!
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Old 01-09-20, 09:48 PM   #2897
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As we don't have a good jokes thread I'll have to put this shamelessly stolen off Twitter joke here

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Steve Brookstein
Steve Brookstein who?
Thay's showbusiness
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Old 13-12-20, 09:27 PM   #2898
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Just heard the kids from alder hey hospital will be visiting the Liverpool players to cheer them up this year.
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Old 13-12-20, 10:07 PM   #2899
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very good
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Old 23-12-20, 07:50 PM   #2900
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Apparently, The whole of Cornwall has been placed into tier 4 lockdown after hundreds of pirates returned home to Penzance to celebrate Christmas with their families.
Apparently the Arrrrr rate has increased dramatically.
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Old 03-03-21, 08:24 PM   #2901
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Why did Adele cross the road? To say’ Hello from the other side.
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UCL Champions 2019
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Old 03-03-21, 11:43 PM   #2902
Slinky Skills
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Why do Scuba Divers fall backwards out of a boat?

Because if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat.
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Klopp on LFC vs MUFC (March 9th 2016) - "This is why I love football. This is why we watched it when we were young. I can still not have enough of it."


Always, keep your face to the sun, and shadows will fall behind you.
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Old 04-03-21, 12:07 AM   #2903
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Hello mert.
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Old 04-03-21, 02:49 PM   #2904
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Slinky Skills View Post
Why do Scuba Divers fall backwards out of a boat?

Because if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat.
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Old 20-03-21, 12:23 AM   #2905
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A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walked in to blood donation clinic. The nursed asked the rabbit: "What is your blood type?"
"I am probably a type O" said the rabbit.
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Old 20-03-21, 12:25 AM   #2906
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Originally Posted by kev776 View Post
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walked in to blood donation clinic. The nursed asked the rabbit: "What is your blood type?"
"I am probably a type O" said the rabbit.
:
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Old 20-03-21, 02:47 AM   #2907
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Hello mert.
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Old 20-03-21, 04:17 PM   #2908
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Ah fuck, just logged on to post that
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3 Cups and the Champions League.
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Old 20-03-21, 04:17 PM   #2909
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Excellent, and I've nicked it
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Old 23-03-21, 12:50 PM   #2910
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Two Americans flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose. They managed to bag 6.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose. The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power the little plane couldn't possibly handle the load and went down. Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the 2 American hunters survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Hank asked Chuck, "Any idea where we are?"
Chuck replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year!"

Last edited by kev776; 23-03-21 at 01:04 PM.
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Old 25-03-21, 10:18 AM   #2911
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That were absolute diabolical
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Old 01-04-21, 12:40 PM   #2912
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kev776 View Post
Two Americans flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose. They managed to bag 6.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose. The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."
That is a really good crap joke
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power the little plane couldn't possibly handle the load and went down. Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the 2 American hunters survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Hank asked Chuck, "Any idea where we are?"
Chuck replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year!"
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