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03-07-21, 11:59 AM
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#2921 | |
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The Wisp
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 22,118
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Quote:
Deserves the 
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Hello mert. |
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03-07-21, 05:55 PM
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#2922 | |
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Pig hater
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 6,451
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Quote:
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10-07-21, 09:08 AM
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#2923 |
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Fagan
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,390
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A geordie lass walks into a hairdressers and asks for a perm. The hairdresser replied ‘ i wandered lernly as a clood’…
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Jacques Brel is alive and well and playing at Anfield |
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10-07-21, 09:42 AM
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#2924 |
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Big Girl's Blouse
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 36,665
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10-07-21, 09:43 PM
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#2925 |
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Big Girl's Blouse
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 36,665
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This may be of interest to someone. A friend of mine has 2 tickets for the Final at Wembley on Sunday. He paid £300 each including accommodation but he didn't realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding! If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place!! It's at Burnley Registry Office, at 4pm. The bride's name is Deborah
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11-07-21, 11:14 AM
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#2926 |
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Dalglish
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,837
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01-08-21, 09:44 AM
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#2927 | |
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Fagan
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,989
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Quote:
 getting back up to speed, more shite jokes to follow 
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Keep this quiet  if you carefully grind off the edges of a 50p coin you can use it as a 10p |
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01-08-21, 09:49 AM
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#2928 |
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Fagan
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,989
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It's been discovered that Ants are the only creature on Earth that appear to be immune to all forms of illness and viruses
Scientists say its down to them having little anti bodies
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Keep this quiet if you carefully grind off the edges of a 50p coin you can use it as a 10p |
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01-08-21, 10:43 AM
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#2929 |
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Run the Jewels
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,555
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Why did the Baker have smelly hands?
He needed a poo.
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Fuck off. |
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01-08-21, 01:44 PM
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#2930 | |
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Shankly
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,122
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Quote:
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. . . . |
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01-08-21, 07:05 PM
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#2931 |
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Big Girl's Blouse
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 36,665
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Del
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01-08-21, 07:06 PM
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#2932 | |
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Shankly
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,122
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Quote:
Ffs with the edit, Norbs 
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. . . . |
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01-08-21, 07:26 PM
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#2933 |
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Big Girl's Blouse
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 36,665
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Haha, was pedanting that you had a capital K and then decided not to be such a dick after all
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02-08-21, 02:34 AM
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#2934 | |
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Run the Jewels
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,555
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Quote:
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Fuck off. |
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02-08-21, 08:59 AM
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#2935 | |
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Shankly
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,122
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Quote:
What's the relevance of them being a baker and why would their hands be smelly if they literally just needed to take a shit?
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. . . . |
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02-08-21, 09:13 AM
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#2936 | |
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The Wisp
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 22,118
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Quote:
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Hello mert. |
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02-08-21, 03:50 PM
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#2937 |
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Administrator
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 36,411
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Its a good joke, but its a joke that wouldn't be subjected to this line of questioning if it had just been said out loud.
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*Except Michael, who died. |
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02-08-21, 03:53 PM
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#2938 | |
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Shankly
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,122
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Quote:
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. . . . Last edited by Pepe79; 02-08-21 at 04:00 PM. |
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02-08-21, 03:57 PM
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#2939 |
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The Wisp
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 22,118
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I’ve got a feeling people would still question it if Hambo said it out loud though.
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Hello mert. |
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02-08-21, 09:09 PM
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#2940 | |
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Big Girl's Blouse
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 36,665
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Quote:
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03-08-21, 09:34 AM
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#2941 | ||
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Special Kind of Scum
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 12,664
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Quote:
 Quote:
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"But thus I counsel you, my friends: Mistrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful. They are people of a low sort and stock; the hangmen and the bloodhound look out of their faces. Mistrust all who talk much of their justice!" |
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05-08-21, 01:33 AM
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#2942 |
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Befuddled
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,608
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Somebody please tell a joke
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I love Sarah |
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05-08-21, 12:20 PM
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#2943 |
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Run the Jewels
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 37,555
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Why do Swedish warships have bar codes on them?
So they can scan de Navy in.
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Fuck off. |
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05-08-21, 05:17 PM
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#2944 |
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Fagan
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,989
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Two flies sat on a fresh dog turd
One of the flies does a very loud fart The other fly says "do you fukin mind, I'm eating me dinner!"
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Keep this quiet if you carefully grind off the edges of a 50p coin you can use it as a 10p |
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06-08-21, 05:03 AM
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#2945 |
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Houllier
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 408
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My English Teacher said, "Your grammar is shit!"
I replied, "Your grandad is a cu*t!"
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All you touch and all you see Is all your life will ever be |
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17-09-21, 03:47 PM
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#2946 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 21,304
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What do you call a lost wolf?
Where do Sharks go on holiday? How did the artist protect his castle? What do you call a smelly Fairy Courtesy of my 7 year old son |
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17-09-21, 07:45 PM
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#2947 |
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Donald Buzzworth
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 52,799
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Smelly fairy joke wins for me
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Create a memory |
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17-09-21, 08:26 PM
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#2948 |
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Dan Ashcroft
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 55,826
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My four year olds favourite joke is ..
Why did that banana go to the doctor? She tells me it about every other day on average.
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Abolish the Monarchy. |
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17-09-21, 08:47 PM
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#2949 | |
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Donald Buzzworth
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 52,799
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Quote:
Yeah, that’s a winner also
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Create a memory |
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18-09-21, 08:34 AM
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#2950 | |
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Paisley
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 21,304
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Quote:
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18-09-21, 09:07 AM
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#2951 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 10,726
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What's the difference between black-eyed peas and chickpeas?
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18-09-21, 02:47 PM
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#2952 |
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Souness
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 86
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What's brown and sticky?
A stick |
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19-09-21, 11:23 AM
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#2953 |
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Special Kind of Scum
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 12,664
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What's brown and runny?
Usain Bolt
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"But thus I counsel you, my friends: Mistrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful. They are people of a low sort and stock; the hangmen and the bloodhound look out of their faces. Mistrust all who talk much of their justice!" |
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30-09-21, 09:30 AM
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#2954 |
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Dalglish
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,624
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Just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra...no one is taking it harder than Grandma!
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Nope, don't need anger management, you just need to stop pissing me off! |
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05-10-21, 03:46 PM
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#2955 |
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Paisley
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 21,304
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What do you call a sad UFO?
A crying saucer |
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18-10-21, 04:53 PM
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#2956 |
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Daddy day care
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 24,002
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A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'. She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up. The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly. Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies. The husband pauses The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car' 'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him. The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years' 'I remember that, too' she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today." 😂 😂
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removing all the weak links makes us stronger too many gutless players, no beef or desire. pussies everywhere... sack them all, but not VVD or Fabinho |
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18-10-21, 05:56 PM
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#2957 |
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Dan Ashcroft
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 55,826
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"Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'"
How does that work?
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Abolish the Monarchy. |
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18-10-21, 06:13 PM
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#2958 | |
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Dalglish
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 3,742
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Quote:
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18-10-21, 09:10 PM
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#2959 |
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Big Girl's Blouse
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 36,665
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Probably an American joke, hence 'gotten'
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26-12-21, 03:23 PM
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#2960 |
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Daddy day care
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 24,002
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So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T'PAU!
I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand." Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!!
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removing all the weak links makes us stronger too many gutless players, no beef or desire. pussies everywhere... sack them all, but not VVD or Fabinho |
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