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Old 06-10-10, 02:18 PM   #161
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It hadn't tasted the sweet suds of a clunge for at least eight hours and it was getting restless and hungry.

hahaha show us yer clunge missus....
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Old 06-10-10, 08:11 PM   #162
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AWOOGA!


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Old 06-10-10, 11:40 PM   #163
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Old 07-10-10, 03:57 PM   #164
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Akabusi was in the shower. Crying. And w*nking. In fact there was liquid coming from every orifice. He hadn't felt this bad since he'd watched an hour and a half of Britain's Got Talent. It was that bad.
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Old 07-10-10, 06:44 PM   #165
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A classic thread, the Clunge buster is on twitter @krissakabusi
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Old 07-04-11, 05:27 PM   #166
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Haven't seen this one yet

Akabusi had had a shit day. He'd spent the morning with his accountant Harvey Goldenblum and to put it bluntly he was fucked. He had made some very bad investments in the last tax year - a bus tour for Tourettes sufferers to the Vatican had ended in an international situation and his collection of dildos modelled on his own gigantic black cock had gone into raw materials problems.

His plans to put on a production of Towering Inferno on Ice with Colin Jackson in the lead role had been dashed. Two people drowned in rehearsals and the family were after him for compo.

After a runwank in the park he decided to go to the zoo. He loved the zoo, it was full of animals throwing their own shit and spunk around. It reminded him of home.

He wandered around the near empty zoo, his denim dungerees gently rubbing up against his slick, toned jet black skin and making his veiny python twitch like Ali at an Olympic opening ceremony.

He bypassed the chimps, they disgusted him and he made his way to the elephant enclosure. When he got there he spied that there were no punters around so let slip his dungerees and exposed his naked skin to the cool air of this January afternoon. As he stood there looking like a chocolate tripod, an observer may have mistaken this figure for a baby elephant. With two legs. And who was black.

As per usual, he hopped over the railings, briefly feeling the barb wire scrape his heavy ball sack like nails down a blackboard. As he landed he heard a voice "Oi, you. Get the fuck out of the elephant enclosure, you fucker".

Akabusi had only been caught at the zoo once before when he had sat in the reptile area and had several unsuspecting nuns stroke his throbbing colossus. As he turned he saw a female games keeper, her coarse khaki shirt and shorts clearly concealing epic bristols and he hoped at least one usable hole.

"Oh, it's you, Kriss" she said in a voice as smoky as Roy Castle's lungs. As she told him off, Akabusi knew she was looking at his pumped torso and his increasingly engorged black magic. He knew also that she was becoming more turned on and wet than a homosexual at a Barrymore pool party.

"You better put that away" she said pointing her rake at his cock. "It's making Mumbles the elephant jealous".

Within a split second he ripped open her khaki shirt to expose two huge tits that were so hard and muscular you could put them on a nightclub door and there would be no trouble. "Why don't I hide 'this' up your clunge!" roared Akabusi like a black panther with his nuts caught in a slammed Tom Clancy novel.

The zookeeper let slip her shorts letting the air attend to a pussy so hairy it looked like a mammoth with labia for legs. Peeping out from the bush was a clitorus so big and meaty it wouldn't have looked out of place hanging on a hook in Smithfields. Akabusi hadn't seen anything like it since he'd been "surprised sexed" by Judy Oakes.

Within seconds his ebony trunk became more full of blood and muscle than the aftershow at Britain’s Strongest Man.

Akabusi took a deep breath and plunged into her hole like Albanians through the Chunnel. Her skin was so rough it was like having angry sex with a sander going at full pelt, but Akabusi loved it. He loved it rough. And this was rough.

Around the zoo animals scurried for cover, some even choosing to leave and join the circus with Jeremy Beadle, as Akabusi and the zookeeper’s cries rocked the trees and cages like a bunch of Jews at an adulterer trial.

Within a matter of hours it was all over, the zookeeper’s body lying strewn on the straw, a pile of spunk, hair, muscle and animal feed. The zookeeper mustered her last remnant of strength and rolled up her clit and crawled away from Akabusi.

Akabusi bounded to his feet, his spirits enlivened by this classic intercourse. “Fuck the tax man!” he thought. If he wanted to fund another musical based on the life of Daley Thompson he fucking would. He wrestled his seeping cock back into place as he pulled his favourite dungarees on. He caught up with the escaping keeper by following her trail of clunge suds and bent down and whispered “Awooga” in her ear and patted her on her fanny.

The End.
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Old 12-05-11, 10:09 AM   #167
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Old 13-05-11, 08:53 PM   #168
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Old 22-05-11, 07:24 PM   #169
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Akabusi opened his front door to let his manliness sway gently in the cooling autumn breeze. As he did he was surprised and horny to find the doorstep already occupied by a pair of spectacles, two bristols whose landmass more than lived up to their namesake, and what he could only assume was a clunge dripping with goose fat.

"Awooo-"

"Let me stop you right there, Mr Akabusi," said the face he'd only just noticed beneath the spectacles. "I am here to serve you with a £756,000 sexual harassment lawsuit." The lawyer had all the sex appeal of a shaved tigress on heat whose babies had just been eaten.

As he came to grips with the situation and, inevitably, his shaft, Akabusi's world began crumbling like a leper kid on a bouncy castle. "But have you seen my fine pinstripe dungarees?" he asked hopefully.

"Let me assure you, Mr Akabusi, that I am one of the few women for whom your dungarees hold little interest," she said, eyeing his dungarees with interest.

It was then that Akabusi knew that he owned this woman in the most Joseph Fritzel of fashions. He had only to slip out of his dungarees and lay down, there and then.

The lawyeress leapt onto him, hiking up her skirts in midair, and plunged down onto his manliness like Excalibur in reverse. Somehow she manhandled his moustache in just the way he liked and he came faster than he ever had before.

Five hours later, when it was over, he pulled out and proceeded to wipe the tip of his manflesh on the legal documentation. Finally he bent down, whispered "Awooga," in her ear, and respectfully slid the rolled up documents into her still quivering fanny, giving them a fond pat home.

She stared at him like the scientific marvel he was as he closed the front door behind him. "Awooga, Mr Akabusi," she whispered, "Awooga."
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Old 22-05-11, 09:20 PM   #170
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who writes this shit....lol?
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Old 22-05-11, 09:30 PM   #171
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Originally Posted by TJJ View Post
Akabusi opened his front door to let his manliness sway gently in the cooling autumn breeze. As he did he was surprised and horny to find the doorstep already occupied by a pair of spectacles, two bristols whose landmass more than lived up to their namesake, and what he could only assume was a clunge dripping with goose fat.

"Awooo-"

"Let me stop you right there, Mr Akabusi," said the face he'd only just noticed beneath the spectacles. "I am here to serve you with a £756,000 sexual harassment lawsuit." The lawyer had all the sex appeal of a shaved tigress on heat whose babies had just been eaten.

As he came to grips with the situation and, inevitably, his shaft, Akabusi's world began crumbling like a leper kid on a bouncy castle. "But have you seen my fine pinstripe dungarees?" he asked hopefully.

"Let me assure you, Mr Akabusi, that I am one of the few women for whom your dungarees hold little interest," she said, eyeing his dungarees with interest.

It was then that Akabusi knew that he owned this woman in the most Joseph Fritzel of fashions. He had only to slip out of his dungarees and lay down, there and then.

The lawyeress leapt onto him, hiking up her skirts in midair, and plunged down onto his manliness like Excalibur in reverse. Somehow she manhandled his moustache in just the way he liked and he came faster than he ever had before.

Five hours later, when it was over, he pulled out and proceeded to wipe the tip of his manflesh on the legal documentation. Finally he bent down, whispered "Awooga," in her ear, and respectfully slid the rolled up documents into her still quivering fanny, giving them a fond pat home.

She stared at him like the scientific marvel he was as he closed the front door behind him. "Awooga, Mr Akabusi," she whispered, "Awooga."
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Old 26-05-11, 10:51 PM   #172
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They're back
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Old 26-05-11, 10:57 PM   #173
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particularly love how she comes into his house, and then at the end he leaves and she stays.
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Old 26-05-11, 11:30 PM   #174
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Best debut post I've seen
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Old 30-05-11, 12:33 AM   #175
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Oh my god these are fucking awesome.

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Old 02-09-11, 08:36 PM   #176
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is on celebrity come dine with me now, awooga
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Old 06-09-11, 12:07 PM   #177
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Haha...love em all!
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Old 06-09-11, 12:28 PM   #178
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His book is available to download free: http://www.lulu.com/product/ebook/ro...en%29/16320851

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Old 06-09-11, 12:35 PM   #179
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I emailed him a while back to see if there's gonna be a physical copy. Said he was working on it. I want one for my coffee table
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Old 06-09-11, 01:53 PM   #180
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His book is available to download free: http://www.lulu.com/product/ebook/ro...en%29/16320851

Thanks mate.

I can't wait to have a gander through this. I'm going to print it off and bind it together with treasury tags.
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Old 06-09-11, 02:05 PM   #181
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I emailed him a while back to see if there's gonna be a physical copy. Said he was working on it. I want one for my coffee table
I don't even have a coffee table right now but still.......
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Old 06-09-11, 02:17 PM   #182
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Originally Posted by Pablo1981 View Post
His book is available to download free: http://www.lulu.com/product/ebook/ro...en%29/16320851

Good man, Pablo!
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Old 27-07-12, 08:02 PM   #183
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With the Olympics starting and all there's only thread for it!!

Awooooga!!
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Old 27-07-12, 08:04 PM   #184
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2 years later
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Old 27-07-12, 08:05 PM   #185
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The only man that would put the shits up Purple Aki!
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Old 28-07-12, 08:21 PM   #186
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Akabusi is on channel 4 right now, waiting for a shot at the million pound drop
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Old 29-07-12, 10:33 PM   #187
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Did he pat anyone on the fanny?
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Old 26-04-13, 02:38 PM   #188
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Akabusi was in the shower. Crying. And w*nking. In fact there was liquid coming from every orifice. He hadn't felt this bad since he'd watched an hour and a half of Britain's Got Talent. It was that bad. He had travelled to Los Angeles for the funeral of international businessman Vincent MacMahon who had tragically and spectacularly exploded on an episode of some wrestling show.

Busi had done a lot of work for the WWF back in the day - once arranging a fight in a skip near Luton between Hulk Hogan, Sir William Regal and an endangered panda. The panda had sh*t moves and had taken a severe beating from Regal leaving it with two black eyes. Busi had withdrawn his support of the wrestling/animal charity not long after.

The funeral had been a sombre affair. Live on cable. Many of the wrestling world's best wrestlers had carried MacMahon's walnut effect coffin and then chucked it into the grave. Mourners then ceremoniously smashed a metal chair or bin onto the coffin as Journey played soft rock classic Don't Stop Belie-

Whilst eating a Powerade vol au vent at the wake at a titty bar Busi's agent had called him with the news that "Lotions 13" had been creating quite a buzz. Mainly because it was a big steaming pile of sh*t but also due to the fantastic tax dodging opportunities it offered. The producers of Hulk II were interested in speaking to Kriss about greening up to play Dr Krisstopher Banner. If the money and tax breaks were right Busi was in but he wanted to play it black and not green so the production company told him to stick it up his arsehole and offered it to John Regis or failing that Jonathan Edwards.

Black and Regis were out in LA with Busi and the entourage had been tearing up LA like Portugese coppers in brush land. Regis' rampant OCD was exactly 873 times better and out here in LA LA land Regis was considered a balanced individual. But a black one. Black had been hooking up with his crew from the Rollin 60 Neighbourhood Crips, although out here they called them chips Busi had learned. Black had put more caps in arses than George Michael on tour and the heat had forced the Busi posse to take refuge in the Mondrian.

So here Busi was in the hot stream of a Hans Grohe struggling to get blood into his ebony pussy pestle as his massive hands moved quicker than an Albanian at a Presidential walkabout. To make matters much much worse, his onyx boa inflictor hadn't felt the sweet touch of a lady's tight white clunge piece since he'd surprise sexed the Virgin Atlantic stewardess as she given him Reiki over Newfoundland. Busi had it all. But he wanted more. More pussy.

To cheer himself up and get Regis out of the wardrobe, Roger Black had arranged for Busi to deliver one of his magnificent and hugely expensive motivational speeches at a local prison. A woman's prison. As Regis towelled down the sleek, jet black chassis of Mr Krisstopher Akabusi, the thought of pumping his fist and shouting slogans at a room full of caged heat was too much to take and he had hit John in his eye with his inflated helmet. Just like Barcelona in 92. Maybe he would get some LA gear after all, Busi mused as he slipped into his Armani dungerees he snagged from TK Maxx.

As Busi, Black and poor demented Regis pulled up to the Century Regional Detention Centre in Lynwood in there hired convertible Corsa they could all smell the accrid stench of unpounded pussy and the sweet aroma of women slipping more fingers and tongues than a professional stamp sticker. Busi wanted to high ten but choose a five to appear cool.

They checked in, received some prison issue mirrored shades and waited in the back stage area whilst Busi ran through an arm pump, an Awooga and a Awwwwwiggght in front of Black's sunglasses. Regis had totally covered himself in a map of the prison but he was too scared to get a Schofield so he had transfers. In the LA heat he now looked like a panther who had rolled in a Hello Kitty collection.

The crowd were baying for Busi and when he emerged in his ermine dungs wearing his Olympic medal the place erupted like Palestine. He hadn't seen this many women with tats, piercings and buzzcuts since he went to the Melanie C comeback concert. There were "women" here rougher than Barrymore's chair leg and just as dangerous. Regis was sweating so much he was now standing in a pool of ink and Black kept his hand firmly on his ivory handled Glock.

Many of the deep C divers were touching themselves and others whilst Busi spun out his usual brand of David Coleman anecdotes and lispy bullsh*t. By the end of the 5 minute speech the gang of tail didn't even clap, they squelched. And that was enough for Busi. He let slip his dungs and felt the fabric slide past his smooth toned thighs. He stood there for a moment looking like a beautiful chocolate elephant with it's back legs and torso chopped off. Then the riot started.

With two women dead and fourteen guards severely raped the posse took refuge with the prison padre Father Ignatious O'Reilly. "Mr Akabumbum. Despite your naked torso causing the biggest riot since that Ikea opened in Edmonton I would like you to visit one of our poor prisoners on Death Row. I think she would appreciate your kind words...and your giant cock".

Prisoner 9818783 or Paris Hilton as she was know around here, cowered in her cell as the riot took off. Busi stood at the bars his grumbling fire hose twitching like Lubbock after a belly flop. Busi knew that beneath that Gucci orange jump suit was a pair of tits so small that her cell walls were jealous and a clunge as well thumbed as the
lingeries section of a Freemans. Her stylist and PR let Busi into the cell and Paris dried her eyes with a silk do-rag. Kriss knew that The Hilt had seen more mileage than the McCann European Tour but he still wanted in. Up to his ginormous nuts.

Paris knew the drill. She peeled off her Gitmos and exposed a tanned torso that had seen more action on the internet than Pete Townsend and Leslie Grantham put together. Apart from the golden mane that topped her pin like head there wasn't a hair on her body. Busi thought he was looking at a shaved kitten and in a way he was.

Blood filled his plonker quicker than Simon Weston turning on the cold tap. He leapt on her like Hamas on Gazza and thrust his penal colony right up to her stapled stomach. Busi thought he heard a "prison break" somewhere down below but he liked a bit of blood with his pudding. Hilton was open for business and all her rooms were kingsize.

Within hours Krisstopher was on his violent vinegars and let fly with such a stream of knacker lava that Paris's spray tan was stripped from her boney body and for a brief moment the prison riot was quelled - a little in awe and a little in disgust.

Busi rolled up his heiress aerator and watched as the last of his giant spunks flipped and flapped around on the cold stone floor of Lynwood. Regis and Black had gotten a call from Robbie Williams to play football against Rod Stewart up in the Hills. Busi knew that the buffet at these things was always quality so they had no time to lose. And the prison was on fire.

"Good luck Hilt. You f**king idiot. Do your time with some dignity and don't bend over in the showers. Or the internet. Peace out" roared Akabusi with all the might of Brian Blessed with his nuts caught in the Complete Works of Shakespeare.

Busi looked down on the twisted pile of matted blonde hair, hotel reservations, dying tadpoles, rice and tiny tits, bent down on his powerful Olympian knee, whisphered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.

The End.
Pretty exciting story. Yes it is old thread but I thought it was worth of praise the effort. Thanks for sharing it

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Old 26-04-13, 02:39 PM   #189
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Old 26-04-13, 02:49 PM   #190
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WTF?!
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Old 26-04-13, 02:52 PM   #191
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WTF
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Old 26-04-13, 03:02 PM   #192
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Old 26-04-13, 03:04 PM   #193
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Akabusi was in the shower. Crying. And w*nking. In fact there was liquid coming from every orifice.
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Old 26-04-13, 03:13 PM   #194
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That line is brilliant.
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Old 26-04-13, 03:37 PM   #195
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Old 26-04-13, 03:38 PM   #196
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Old 24-12-15, 07:56 PM   #197
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Akabusi on mastermind now reminded me of this epic thread.
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Old 27-12-15, 05:30 PM   #198
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Me too!

AWOOGA

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Old 02-02-17, 10:13 PM   #199
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An original from 2007, penned by me:

Akabusi sat uncomfortably in the cheap and nasty economy class seats of Nigerian Air Flight C758 to Lagos. Ever since fellow Olympian Sharron Davies had filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against him economy class had been all he could afford. Akabusis sighed again at the injustice of it all, he didn't mean to upset her and wondered how she could take offence to his comment that he'd bought a TiVo just so he could record footage of her perky nips as she presented the BBC's Olympic swimming coverage so he could crack one off as often as he liked.

Akabusi reached up and pressed the air hostess call button for the 10th time in 15 minutes so that the same air hostess with funbags the size of two spacehoppers approached his seat he felt his massive ebony spear rustle in his cotton primark tighty whities..

The hostess drew nearer and Akabusi noticed the look of pure lust on her face and he was sure she would allow him to plunge his spear in and out every hole, Akabusi grinned a sly smile knowing he would plant his now throbbing cock into her with more precision than US pole vault prodigy Alison Stokke...

Akabusi was a sexual hunter, perhaps the baddest predator on the planet - well except for the stingray that killed Steve Irwin of course. The nubile young hostess was just about to position her wet, dripping clunge over the pointed tip of Akabusi's samurai sword when suddenly the "fasten seatbelts" sign was illuminated, Akabusi peered over the gasping hostesses heaving breastage to see that Kerry Katona had broken into the cockpit again...

"Why do they call it a cockpit if there's no cock in there!" Katona wailed "Oi Katona, stuff this in your gob instead you fat slaaaag" roared Akabusi, tossing her a packet of Iceland mini sausage rolls followed by a bag of frozen yorkshire puds.

Akabusi then turned back to the hostess, he noticed her expression had changed from one of lust and excitement to one of sheer disappointment, the same look he had seen on Madeline McCanns face that night in Portugal when she realised that the man banging on the door of her holiday villa claiming to be Santa Claus was just Akabusi in a Chinese olympic team tracksuit he had stolen during Seoul '88


The hostess was making her way back to the front of the cabin to fasten herself in when Akabusi grabbed her on the shoulder and pulled her back onto his lap, he wasnt going to let that cock-crazed nympho slag Katona get inbetween him and the hostess, he could tell she needed his ripe African seed like Diana needed an airbag or Michael Owen needed a release clause in his contract with the barcodes.

Akabusi leapt out his seat, his massive ebony elephant trunk swinging out his dungarees like Peter Parker swinging through New York, knocking a bag of complimentary roasted peanuts out of Dale Wintons hands, "Christ" Akabusi thought to himself "why are there so many z-listers on this flight", he noticed Winton staring at his cock and he roared with laughter, "bet you cant fit this badboy in your trolley Dale!" he cried .


Akabusi was then drawn back to the hostess by the smell of her ripe clunge, the aroma of Jungle Fever in the cabin was so intense he could see the other passengers reaching up for their oxygen masks. He lay ontop of the horny hostess right in the middle of the aisle, as he rammed into her like a vauxhall nova full of chavs ram raiding the local tesco express he noticed they were blocking the aisle, a clear violation of federal aviation laws, not that he let that bother him.

He looked down as his cock fired its sticky cream with so much vigour and passion it was like he had a dozen virginia tech killers in his yfronts, covering her clunge in so much cum it reminded him of the 12 iced buns he had stole from Harvey Price earlier that morning. He leant in close to her, whispered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny
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Old 02-02-17, 11:30 PM   #200
Leyton388
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Greatest thread ever followed closely by the raoul moat one as Gaza turning up with a fishing rod, bucket of chicken and completely off his face was amazing.
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