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Old 03-09-07, 08:15 PM   #1
akjs123's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 575
Best Chain Mail Ever

The Best Chain letter I Ever Received No matter how had you try, how
hard you work, dream, and strive, there will always be somebody more
pissed off than you.This landed in my mail box with all the subtlety of
roadkill skunk sliding across the dinner table.
Why rant when others can do it for me?
Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being
kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not
forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people
who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor fucking 6
year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to
raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell
her off to the traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky

If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every
Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of fucking bullshit.

So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out
there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail
forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my
apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain
which was started by Ceaser in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country
by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year
2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest
continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

Fuck them!

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
fucking amusing. I've seen all the 'send this to 50 of your closest
friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow
receive a Nickel from some omniscient being forwards about 90 times.

I don't fucking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own


Chain Letter Type 1:

(scroll down)

Make a wish!!!

Keep Scrolling

No, really, go on and make one!!!

Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!

Wish something else!!!

Not that, you pervert!!


Wasn't that fun?

Hope you made a great wish

Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you
don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped
by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.

It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is

Here's how it goes:

*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.

*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.

Good Luck!!!

>> > >> > Chain Letter Type 2 >> > >> >

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no
legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved,
because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to
the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.

Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent
and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send
this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.

Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people,
you will die instantly.

Thanks again!!

>> > >> > >> > Chain Letter Type 3 >> > >> >

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not
as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.

So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7
minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a
crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe
in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only
did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to
hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.

This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like
Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends,
and everything will be okay.

>> > >> > >> > Chain Letter Type 4 >> > >> >

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to all your

>> > >> > FRIENDS: >> > >> >

A friend is someone who is always at your side.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and
your breath smells like you've been eating catfood.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat
full of assholes.
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself.

A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about
your sad, sad life.
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think
you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs.
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the
check and leaves and doesn't speak much, sorry that's the
cleaning lady.
A friend is NOT someone who sends you chain letters because he wants
his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again!

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to
leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If
it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel
guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a
dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter
he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like


Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you'll find all
your knickers missing tomorrow morning!

Last edited by akjs123; 03-09-07 at 08:20 PM.
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Old 03-09-07, 09:52 PM   #2
Mr Superstrong
cobain's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,538

The guy's really pissed off! Well so am I. I receive at least 10 chain letters in my mailbox and it's starting to get on my tits. I marked every chain letter as spam but they're still arriving. It's like a windmill battle
Torres Fan Club Member #2, Lucas Leiva Fan Club Member #1

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