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Old 23-09-13, 12:37 AM   #1
baitman
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for sale funnies.

saw this elsewhere and thought this might be worth a chuckle.

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.d...440099&afsrc=1

I am presenting you with a unique opportunity to own a genuine pussy wagon.

Forget Match.com this delightful little two seater is your direct ticket to a plethora of punani and no doubt the answer to those lonely nights in.

This road going aphrodisiac is the more desirable T bar version of the ever so popular mid-engined sports car - the legendary Toyota MR2. Just a quick cruise through the local town is enough to get jaws dropping and skirts lifting.

This muff mobile has seen its fair share of action (136,500 miles to be precise) but has been regularly serviced. The book is fully stamped up to around 100k, after that I've got a folder full of receipts for everything from cam-belt changes to oils, filters and spermicidal lubricants.

I've got all its previous tests, amazingly it passes every year. Its got four good branded tyres with lots of tread all round - Hankooks on the rear and Avons on the front.....but to be honest who cares bout that?

I've got two keys and two fobs to the factory fitted alarm, just in case bitches be hatin'

Its very reliable, drives perfectly and sounds great thanks to the stainless steel power-flow exhaust system, its not over powering but gives a nice tone, plus its only fair that the chichas can hear you coming.

The 168 BHP naturally aspirated 2.0 engine provides you with enough grunt to escape from the less desirable's you will inevitably attract the attention of, whereas the ventilated disc brakes fitted all round will ensure that you can stop in time to pick up the high street honeys.

Cosmetically its in great condition for a 17 year old fanny magnet, its obviously been regularly hosed down by both myself and its previous keepers

Inside its got the full wipe-clean black leather interior which really is a must in a car like this and there is an MP3 CD player fitted, perfect for blasting out your own sex mix.

The blinds for the glass panels are present which are essential if you decide to park it up during the day, these have been steamed up on many an occasion but I'm pleased I can confirm that they do not let water in.

Everything on the car is working and the pop up headlights will keep the bimbo's entertained for hours.

As with all used vehicles there are a few negatives, however I'm confident that the winning bidder will be so deep in beaver that these minor niggles will pale into insignificance. I've included photographs of these Incase you think I'm untrustworthy.
Unfortunately you can only fit one bird in it at a time.
Very slight bubbling to the rear sills, still totally solid.
Scuff and stone chips to the front splitter.
Small tear in driver seat - I've covered it with rape tape so it doesn't get any worse.
Electric aerial doesn't go up - trust me a week behind the wheel of this bad boy and the aerial will be the only thing not erecting.
Chip in the windscreen, passed its last two tests with this as an advisory. I can only assume this was caused by a stiletto.
The reason I've decided to pass it on is simply that my nuts are drained so I have decided to go for a spell of celibacy in a 306 diesel.

This car would suit a variety of people from those heart broken souls suffering from a recent break up to happily married men looking to have an affair or two.

Should the car make a reasonable amount I am willing to include 12 Trojan and a large pack of baby wipes which should be enough see you home.

Believe it or not this is a genuine sale and the usual eBay rules apply. You bid to buy not to haggle and its cash on collection only.

If you've got any questions then please get in touch. I'll en-devour to get back to you as soon as possible but ask yourself this....can you really put a price on pussy?

Thanks for looking

Ben
On 21-Sep-13 at 11:21:01 BST, seller added the following information:
I'd like to confirm that the 12 Trojan, large pack of baby wipes are now included. I have also decided to include my beloved pussywagon keyring as I'm confident I will never own another vehicle truly worthy of the title and have added a picture to this effect.


I would also like to wish everyone the best of luck and would like to make it clear once again this is a genuine sale and time wasters will not be tolerated.

Again, thanks for looking.

Ben
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Liver Bird
Old 02-01-14, 02:52 AM   #2
baitman
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this is a cracker apparently its got its own facebook page. read the comments in the linky.

http://www.wehostdns.net/clio-ebay/renault_clio.html

Attention Teenage Drug Dealers/Low Life & Oxygen Thieves

If you think you've saved enough benefit from your 4 children before your 20, this could be the answer to your prayers.

A proper bastardised, chaved up Skippy mobile if ever there was. Enhance your street cred at the local drive thru burger joint or council estate shop front no end with this utterly tacky converted little Renault Clio. Not your Gran's idea of a lift to town, granted, but a fantastic opportunity to increase 3 fold your class A drug selling ability. This is the car you need boys. The punters will flock to the window for your home grown skunk and other illegal substances. you just ain't gonna look out of place in this little beauty! Now I've made sure the tax ran out last November, so there is a big pat on your scrawny little backs already.

Dig out yer favourite unwashed "Umbro" hoodie and come cast your shifty little eyes on this. Ideal for the "Street Pharmacist" and other suitably attired twats. Your gonna need a baseball cap with this beauty, ideally one that comes with no fitting instructions. Heaven forbid you should put it on the right way. What better way to compliment your stolen Nike Air Max trainers than to be seen dangling a foot outta this pocket rocket.
Worried about the Babylon spotting ya, no need. Car comes fully equipped with proper blacked out gangster glass on the side windows. Hell, you could even fill the back up with yer ugly chav kids and knowone'd see 'em. doesn't get much better boys. Ah, but it does. It does. To show your complete and utter lack of taste and knowledge of the motor car you'll also find the ridiculous rock hard lowered suspension to your taste as well. Why not get a step closer to Gran's inheritance by offering her a lift in ya new "wheels" then taking her down the post Office flat out over the speed humps round your estate and hopefully knocking the spine out of her? Might need 2 laps but god damn them single teenage mums smoking Marlboro Lights outside the chippy will be impressed fella's. You know that they like a ride like this. Turn up the Alpine Head Unit, stick in your favourite and incomprehensible "Drum & Bass" Cd and the throbbing out the 6x9 parcel shelf will have them pregnant in no time.

To complete the proper drug dealer look, a tasteless stripe has been fitted from the front to the rear. Finished in "Air Max" white it really doesn't complement the car in any shape or form. Rather like you and your Brethren spitting on the floor constantly. Completely needless but you think it makes a statement about you. You'll also enjoy the totally pointless but ridiculously noisy after market air filter. About as helpful as a fart in an astronaut suit, but hell, you didn't get where you are today by being helpful, did you?
I'm quite sad to see the thing go really. There is nothing more pleasurable to me at 41 than to drive round in this bit of shit and look a complete prick. I'd much rather hand the opportunity to you work shy crack head council tenants any day. This little set of wheels is gonna let the other hoodies know you've made it. cocaine and skunk selling is never gonna get any easier for the lucky buyer of this car. I might have a deal on a couple of gram's of smack or coke, but ideally I'd need to get a serious drug habit before hand. Perhaps someone could help? You can pay in cash or wraps, I'm easy really. Bring along your mums credit card or one that your mate has cloned down the petrol station. If it is going to be hard cash, please ensure it is discretely hidden in a used Tesco carrier bag, and you have folded one 20 note around 4 others. Makes counting so much easier.

For any female buyer I'm offering a free Tatoo of something utterly meaninless to go in the middle of your lower back. If you haven't already got your "Tramp Stamp" that is.

If your an under-age drink driver, or under-age driver for that matter, this little beauty really isn't going to attract the attention of the local constabulary at all. you'll drift pass any patrol car effortlessly. Make sure there is at least 6 of you in the car though, Splif in hand. If your driving, have another swig from your 2 litre plastic "LIDL" brand cider as you nonchalantly flip the bird to the passing police patrol. Head off for the nearest estate for some tyre screeching fun. They ain't never gonna take you alive in this.

The car does like a good rev in the morning at any unsocial hour. Neighbours will love it and feel proud to live in the same road. don't forget to rev the pants off of it at all junctions and roundabouts as well. This really will increase the length of your manhood no end. your virginity is gonna be a thing of the past when the babes see you in this "fanny magnet". You can almost bet your last eighth of puff your gonna get laid. Hell, might even get a few STD's as well. your gonna get a proper bird with this motor.

For the disqualified driver I'll even offer to recover it from outside the local Magistrates or police station. What better way to impress the local Judicial system in one final act of defiance before collecting your ASBO?

Don't let the frivolous matter of actually holding a current, valid drivers licence and insurance put you off this bargain. A visit to your local crack house should procure some documentation from as little as fifty quid.

Nuff said, innit.
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Old 03-01-14, 10:51 AM   #3
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some of the questions


Q: Aiight bredrin duz it cum wi da blingin turbo whistler fingy in da rudeboi xhaust? 20-Mar-10
A: na man, me got it confiskated by da 5-0 4 been diss
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Old 19-01-15, 07:28 PM   #4
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http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1314066144...416%26_rdc%3D1

item description.

Here we have for sale the green monster that can only be Phil and Teds. I shall be glad to see it leave my premises and never return.

This was purchased against my wishes many years ago as I never wanted any children and a buggy signified my wife's intent to have children. We argued much and this buggy signifies everything that ended my happy carefree low cost child free life.

This buggy clearly meant she intended to have not just one but multiple children and the extortionate price of this buggy will stay imprinted on my brain till the day I die. I have bought cars that cost less than this buggy. My dad once bought a house that cost less than this buggy.

Anyway as you can tell I hate the buggy. I now have 3 children, and a Labrador and am forced to endure the school run where women I dont know try and discuss the price of centre parc holidays, and the benefits of the micro over the mini micro scooter. To summarize my life is over and this green albatross needs to go round some other poor sods neck.

On the positive none of my three children were stupidly fat, but its been driven by my wife a lot so not all good. During its lifetime its had pretty much every bodily fluid known to science, (and several that have yet to be discovered) chucked over it by my children, Its also absorbed its own weight in Ellas Kitchen meals, and mud.

I have tried to maintain this item as best I could and the wheels were filled with green slime to prevent punctures, and WD40 has been used with gusto on the relevant parts. It even comes with what I lovingly refer to as the Cinderella attachment for the second child you have but dont love as much as the first. It means they can sit but cant see anything, and have a ride thats about as comfortable as a Ford Model T.

All of my children are now walking (often in completely the wrong direction) but someone else deserves to give this a good home. Over the years I have collected spare bits from other zombified fathers who were once full of life and I will throw these in as well.

According to the other half she has the baby carry item that came with this and the pannier bags (whatever they are) but she never used them and they are immaculate and will be listed when she conquers her fear of heights and gets into the loft.

This buggy has never been used for dog sledding, racing, or buggy bumper cars, although I once used it to concuss a randy Alsatian that tried getting amorous with my lab.

There are many adverts on here for immaculate models and these people are all liars and scoundrels as nothing that comes into contact with a young child is ever immaculate.

So for a starting price of just 9.99 you too can screw up your life. There are programs for those of you who need to recover from drugs or alcohol. Any money generated from this sale will be used to help me recover from children (and probably involve drugs and alchohol)

So spend big - its for a good cause...

Collection only from SO31 7FB - Cash on collection is fine.
Your welcome to come and view it or take samples for further scientific analysis...
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Old 19-01-15, 07:38 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by baitman View Post
http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1314066144...416%26_rdc%3D1
To summarize my life is over and this green albatross needs to go round some other poor sods neck.
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