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Old 25-09-13, 05:16 PM   #1
Roboklopp
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Management bullshit phrase generator.

http://www.buzzwords4u.co.uk/

Scarily accurate for some of the shite I hear.
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Old 25-09-13, 05:24 PM   #2
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I used to be in tears of laughter when I had documents forwarded to myself and reading some of the utter bullshit. Why don't people just make things simple?

That site brings back memories. Fuck me.
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Old 25-09-13, 05:28 PM   #3
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I know. I heard some twat talking about getting together and chucking thought grenades about in the lift once. Sadly, the lift was packed so I couldn't look at them and laugh.

"Reaching out" instead of talking to really pisses me off.
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Old 25-09-13, 05:56 PM   #4
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"Eliminate absolutely, positively all extraneous words"

A gem from Labour party member Lism Byrne
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Old 25-09-13, 08:46 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChesterDave View Post
"Eliminate absolutely, positively all extraneous words"

A gem from Labour party member Lism Byrne
we gotta maximise our synergies!
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Old 25-09-13, 11:05 PM   #6
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"Brandwise that's a tick." Sickening.
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Old 26-09-13, 12:25 AM   #7
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"Let's initiate a green-light on this co-locational dialogue-orientated interface party"

HAHA
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Old 26-09-13, 03:40 AM   #8
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Scarily I wouldn't bat a eyelid at some of those here.

I might boomark it and try and use 1 per day in emails to see if anyone realises I'm taking the piss.
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Old 26-09-13, 07:51 AM   #9
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Thanks for reaching out to me on this one, and I look forward to circling back to you in the near future. Though I have to warn you that, as of this moment in time, we have poor visibility going forward. Here's to a new global paradigm in 2013!
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Old 26-09-13, 07:57 AM   #10
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Winergy! I'll cascade this down to my team so we can synthesize about it when our bandwidth is higher

Wow!
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Old 26-09-13, 09:36 AM   #11
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Let's helicopter this around the room and see where it lands.

Defo gonna start using these at work to take the piss.
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Old 26-09-13, 10:34 AM   #12
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amazing - these things always crack me up.
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Old 26-09-13, 10:36 AM   #13
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we're a one stop shop for face to face business

that has some numpty 'expert' speaking at a BNI Network local meeting, all over it

going to start dropping some of these in across the forum - see how many pick up on it
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Last edited by PTP; 26-09-13 at 10:42 AM.
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Old 26-09-13, 10:52 AM   #14
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Synergy ffs.
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Old 26-09-13, 11:48 AM   #15
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"Haymarket's approach to Sony's customer magazine delivers a tangible view of the total scope of the brand, evolving consumers' perception of the business from an electronics company to a digital entertainment brand, clearly illustrating Sony's joined-up story of content creation to content enjoyment" ~ [Haymarket Publishing press release]


Just shut the fuck up!!
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Old 26-09-13, 11:50 AM   #16
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We're going to have to take an early bath on this one
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Old 27-09-13, 08:27 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wiw View Post
"Let's initiate a green-light on this co-locational dialogue-orientated interface party"

HAHA
I'm sorry but I refuse to believe that somebody actually said this to open a video conference.
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Old 27-09-13, 05:38 PM   #18
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Haha this language makes me fucking sick. Imagine talking like that ffs
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Old 27-09-13, 07:04 PM   #19
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Touch base.

Let's see when our diaries line up.
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Old 27-09-13, 11:21 PM   #20
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I often think about posting some of the corporate gobbledygook we get in our emails, but then worry I might get rumbled.

I completely hate these cunts above me, most of whom have been over promoted way above their ability, but have somehow blagged and licked their way up the ladder by talking like this.

I despise them and what they stand for. Greed and superficiality. Empty vessels of ambition and devoid of personality or any redeeming features.

I'll be glad to be rid of these wankers from my life as soon as I can.
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Old 27-09-13, 11:30 PM   #21
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You're going on a spree killing, aren't you?
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Old 27-09-13, 11:32 PM   #22
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Old 27-09-13, 11:34 PM   #23
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just poison them...much easier....allegedly..
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Old 27-09-13, 11:37 PM   #24
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Hmmmm.... Ricin?

There are too many of them. Kill one, another ten wannabes pop up. Best thing is to extricate myself from that world. For a while anyway.
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Old 27-09-13, 11:42 PM   #25
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Quote:
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You're going on a spree killing, aren't you?
What is it that you do Hollow? Are you, like, a window cleaner who lives a double life, gangster style, a happy go lucky, chirpy chappy, who gets himself into all sorts of scrapes? Like huggy bear, down with the word on the street.

Is that what you do?
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Old 27-09-13, 11:45 PM   #26
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I am Robin Asquith.
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Old 27-09-13, 11:48 PM   #27
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So I was right.
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Old 27-09-13, 11:49 PM   #28
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Apart from the Huggy Bear bit, obviously.

Asquith was never cool.
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Old 27-09-13, 11:50 PM   #29
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My life is all lost trousers and rich, Rubensesque housewives.
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Old 27-09-13, 11:56 PM   #30
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May I wish you the best of luck in finding your trousers whilst continuing to accompany the housewives on their lonely days at home.
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Old 27-09-13, 11:57 PM   #31
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I get hit by ladders a lot too. It's not work for just anyone.
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Old 27-09-13, 11:58 PM   #32
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Management bullshit phrase generator.

You should go back on the taxi's

Or the driving instructing.

Last edited by Chazza; 28-09-13 at 12:02 AM.
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Old 27-09-13, 11:58 PM   #33
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Certainly not. But now that Norman Wisdom has passed, the market is pretty ripe for the taking.
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Old 28-09-13, 09:34 AM   #34
Roboklopp
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hollowman View Post
You're going on a spree killing, aren't you?


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Old 28-09-13, 09:48 AM   #35
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Its like going to bed with cherly cole and waking up with your mother in law..
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Old 30-09-13, 09:27 AM   #36
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or dreaming about a BJ from the blonde from ABBA and waking up because his beard is tickling your ball bag.
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