Best football commentator?

[Neil Young]

I was one of the haters, I’m afraid.
Despised the moralising pillock. He was always there with an ill-conceived or misinformed opinion, usually along the lines of “Oh, we really don’t want to see that sort of thing on a football pitch. Disgraceful!...”, when in reality it was exactly what everyone watching had been waiting for, i.e. a mass brawl, a two-footed, airborne tackle, or a buxom yet strangely athletic streaker.

Often he’d just say nothing for about 10 minutes at a time, only to come back in with a single, high-pitched yelp of a player’s name, before lapsing once more into silence. It was like he had an electrical sensor attached to his scrotum which was wired to jolt him back to life whenever his heart rate fell below 10 beats per minute.

Here’s some of the wrong-faced duffer’s finest Partridge moments:

'History is all about todays and not yesterdays.'

'When you speak to Barry Fry, it's like completing a 1000-piece jigsaw.'

'The familiar sight of Liverpool lifting the League Cup for the first time...'

'Mark Hughes : Sparky by name, Sparky by nature. The same can be said of Brian McClair.'

'I wonder if Manchester United are missing the absence of Bruce.'

'Pearce with the kick...the last throw for England.'

'...and it's just a sea of voices here at the moment.'

'And sitting on the Watford bench is Ernie Whalley's brother Tom. Both Welshmen.'

'They've flown in from all over the world, have the rest of the world team.'

'120,000 Barcelona fans go to their home games, and they're all here tonight.'

'To get three points out of your first game - that's a wonderful start.'

'Manchester United have never beaten an Italian side on two legs in European competition.'

'The winners [of the Champion's League] stand to make £10 million in prize money - that's before any money they can make on programme sales, hot dogs and the like.'

'He [Zinedine Zidane] has the body of a bear, the mind of a fox and, er, terrific skills.'

'That's the 34th time he's played for his country here tonight.'

'There are those who've had his critics...'

'He has the brain of a refrigerator.'

'Bryan Robson wears his shirt on his sleeve.'

'The whole team stopped as one man, but Arkwright in particular.'

'And now we have the formalities over, we'll have the national anthems.'

'Nicky Butt, he's another aptly named player. He joins things, brings one sentence to an end and starts another.'

'A peep, peep, peep, another peep, and that's it.' - BARRY DAVIES greets a final whistle.

'Cantona's expression saying the whole French dictionary without saying a word.'

'The Dutch look like a huge jar of marmalade.'

'The crowd think that Todd handled the ball.... they must have seen something that nobody else did.'

Couldn't agree more. I used to dislike Motson more when I was kid because he was all statty and boring but once I started hearing the woefully judgmental sermonising from Davies...ooh, shudder.

[Shaggy]

I tend not to listen to commentators waffle. I just hear the bits that matter, and I always felt Davies had a great voice, full of genuine excitement. His voice added to the spectacle, I always felt.

[Slim]

Alan Parry and Brian Marwood. Now there is a commentating duo to set the pulse racing with their thrilling descriptions of the beautiful game.

[RedProf]

Nah I liked old Barry Davies - at least he got excited when there was a goal or chance, unlike Motty who is always about 2 seconds behind what happens ont he pitch "Oh err and it's a goal" seems to be his common generic phrase when someone scores, about 1 or 2 seconds after the ball crosses the line.

Surprised no-ones mentioned Gerald Sinstat

[RedProf]

I tend not to listen to commentators waffle. I just hear the bits that matter, and I always felt Davies had a great voice, full of genuine excitement. His voice added to the spectacle, I always felt.

Well said!

[Shaggy]

I used to love Sinstadt and Gubba

[Reece]

My mates say I should be a footy commentator.

[fah-q]

Well they're letting a woman do it, so....

[Slim]

Didn't Sinstadt get caught in a cinema showing porn once?

[Rigadon]

Alan Green

[fah-q]

Didn't Sinstadt get caught in a cinema showing porn once?

Frank Bough was caught in an S+M club

[Reece]

Well they're letting a woman do it, so....

Be VERY careful.....

[Slim]

Frank Bough was caught in an S+M club

I think Bough was a coke head too.

I don't know why but I am almost sure Sinstadt was caught in a compromising situation once as well..........

[fah-q]

Be VERY careful.....

[Reece]

I think they only said it because I talk a lot of **** whilst watching the footy