It’s the summer of 2020. Liverpool have just won their fifth title in a row under management duo Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher, Arsenal are celebrating a third Champions League crown in succession under Arsene Wenger’s boring, but highly effective team of experienced hard men.
Kevin Keegan has left Newcastle for a seventh time after a row with owners Ant and Dec, Chelsea have won promotion to the top flight completing their remarkable fight back from bankruptcy.
And Manchester United have sacked manager Wayne Rooney, after he became the latest in a long line including Jose Mourinho, Martin O’Neill, Mark Hughes, Steve Bruce, Paul Ince, Darren Ferguson and Cristiano Ronaldo to fail to re-create the magic of Lord Alex Ferguson.
Rooney had won the reality TV show “Find a United manager” due to the inspiration of mentor Eoghan Quigg, much to the displeasure of producer of the show and ruler of the free world Simon Cowell who had hoped old friend and down on her luck Cheryl Cole would win the public vote.
In an internet conference watched on the web by everyone on the planet, joint owners of United, Eamonn Holmes, Jimmy Nesbitt and Patrick Kielty stated there was only one man to turn it around and make the 275,000 capacity Old Trafford a Theatre of Dreams again.
Roy Keane!
Former prime minister Keane has not managed since guiding Celtic to European Cup glory in 2015 with 11 players born three miles from Parkhead. Before that he was in charge of a team called Sunderland, who are now extinct.
Roy, of course, spends half of his year on a Swiss mountain writing Nobel Peace prize winning poetry and the other half in his Cork castle writing best selling self help books on the art of walking dogs and never running away from a difficult situation.
He was unavailable for comment last night, but close friends and advisors Mick McCarthy, Alan Shearer and Alf Inge Haaland say he would be interested in the job.
By Stephen Beacom
Kevin Keegan has left Newcastle for a seventh time after a row with owners Ant and Dec, Chelsea have won promotion to the top flight completing their remarkable fight back from bankruptcy.
And Manchester United have sacked manager Wayne Rooney, after he became the latest in a long line including Jose Mourinho, Martin O’Neill, Mark Hughes, Steve Bruce, Paul Ince, Darren Ferguson and Cristiano Ronaldo to fail to re-create the magic of Lord Alex Ferguson.
Rooney had won the reality TV show “Find a United manager” due to the inspiration of mentor Eoghan Quigg, much to the displeasure of producer of the show and ruler of the free world Simon Cowell who had hoped old friend and down on her luck Cheryl Cole would win the public vote.
In an internet conference watched on the web by everyone on the planet, joint owners of United, Eamonn Holmes, Jimmy Nesbitt and Patrick Kielty stated there was only one man to turn it around and make the 275,000 capacity Old Trafford a Theatre of Dreams again.
Roy Keane!
Former prime minister Keane has not managed since guiding Celtic to European Cup glory in 2015 with 11 players born three miles from Parkhead. Before that he was in charge of a team called Sunderland, who are now extinct.
Roy, of course, spends half of his year on a Swiss mountain writing Nobel Peace prize winning poetry and the other half in his Cork castle writing best selling self help books on the art of walking dogs and never running away from a difficult situation.
He was unavailable for comment last night, but close friends and advisors Mick McCarthy, Alan Shearer and Alf Inge Haaland say he would be interested in the job.
By Stephen Beacom
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