James Richardson, the presenter of Setanta's The Friday Football Show and for years the commentator on Italian football, has a great way with words. A friend of mine from Guardian Credit sent me the pick of his quotes:
"Roma and Lazio, like Penelope Pitstop, are tied on points."
"This week, we've got the best top-of-the-table action since 'The Postman Always Rings Twice'."
"As the man said at the fender exhibition, it's a bumper show."
"...as unsung as Posh Spice's back-catalogue."
"What do Clarence Seedorf and Pete Doherty have in common? They both get caught in possession an awful lot."
"A Chantelle and Preston of a game, if ever there was one, with all the hype about the match it ends without any scoring."
"Roberto Mancini talks about his title aspirations, which is a comeback as improbable as Leo Sayer's but with a much better record."
"Would Sven be partial to a role behind the desk? Stop sniggering at the back!" (Whilst talking about Sven-Göran Eriksson taking up a director of football role with Inter)
"The biggest title challenge since Danny ****tu tried to write his autobiography."
"Chelsea paid a levy for the Shevy but the Shevy went dry" (On the subject of Andriy Shevchenko's lack of goals after being signed by Chelsea)
"The Juventus coach arrived at Fiorentina's stadium under a hail of missiles from home fans. Mind you, they are not the only team to arrive at away matches with a smashed coach. Nottingham Forest fans are more than used to it!" c. 1991
"It hasn't been an amazing first half. Quite frankly, I've seen better finishing from the builders of Wembley Stadium." (on the Paul O'Grady Show, in a small segment during the SS Lazio v AS Roma derby in 2007, which ended 0-0)
"What's pink and floppy, but when I'm finished with it, red all over? The newspapers!"
"It's hard hitting and across two legs. No, it's not Craig Bellamy's golf club, it's the champions league semi-finals."
"It's the last weekend of the season, and not since Guti discovered his girlfriend was a fella have players battled so hard against going down."
"Back in Sao Paolo in 1994, he arranged with a gang of ruffians to rob a team director on the day he was carrying the player's wages. Caught, he spent two years inside a tough Sao Paolo jail, and if that didn't teach him to keep it tight at the back with Lazio, what will?" (On Cesar Aparecido Rodriguez, Brazilian Left Back)
"Still, you'd have to favour the Italian backline to handle anything the likes of Kris Boyd and Kenny Miller can throw at them (although Marco Materazzi might be well advised to steer clear of asking after his opponents' sisters this time)." (Guardian article on the Scotland
vs Italy game.)
"Newly-promoted Sicilian side Catania aren't a bad football team, in much the same way that the Light Brigade probably weren't a bad group of soldiers"
"Liverpool with a score straight out of Posh Spice's diary: 8-nothing."
"Like an Egyptian fish, he's living in denial."
"Football Weekly, the show that is as badly missed as backpass to Titus Bramble"
"Roma and Lazio, like Penelope Pitstop, are tied on points."
"This week, we've got the best top-of-the-table action since 'The Postman Always Rings Twice'."
"As the man said at the fender exhibition, it's a bumper show."
"...as unsung as Posh Spice's back-catalogue."
"What do Clarence Seedorf and Pete Doherty have in common? They both get caught in possession an awful lot."
"A Chantelle and Preston of a game, if ever there was one, with all the hype about the match it ends without any scoring."
"Roberto Mancini talks about his title aspirations, which is a comeback as improbable as Leo Sayer's but with a much better record."
"Would Sven be partial to a role behind the desk? Stop sniggering at the back!" (Whilst talking about Sven-Göran Eriksson taking up a director of football role with Inter)
"The biggest title challenge since Danny ****tu tried to write his autobiography."
"Chelsea paid a levy for the Shevy but the Shevy went dry" (On the subject of Andriy Shevchenko's lack of goals after being signed by Chelsea)
"The Juventus coach arrived at Fiorentina's stadium under a hail of missiles from home fans. Mind you, they are not the only team to arrive at away matches with a smashed coach. Nottingham Forest fans are more than used to it!" c. 1991
"It hasn't been an amazing first half. Quite frankly, I've seen better finishing from the builders of Wembley Stadium." (on the Paul O'Grady Show, in a small segment during the SS Lazio v AS Roma derby in 2007, which ended 0-0)
"What's pink and floppy, but when I'm finished with it, red all over? The newspapers!"
"It's hard hitting and across two legs. No, it's not Craig Bellamy's golf club, it's the champions league semi-finals."
"It's the last weekend of the season, and not since Guti discovered his girlfriend was a fella have players battled so hard against going down."
"Back in Sao Paolo in 1994, he arranged with a gang of ruffians to rob a team director on the day he was carrying the player's wages. Caught, he spent two years inside a tough Sao Paolo jail, and if that didn't teach him to keep it tight at the back with Lazio, what will?" (On Cesar Aparecido Rodriguez, Brazilian Left Back)
"Still, you'd have to favour the Italian backline to handle anything the likes of Kris Boyd and Kenny Miller can throw at them (although Marco Materazzi might be well advised to steer clear of asking after his opponents' sisters this time)." (Guardian article on the Scotland
vs Italy game.)
"Newly-promoted Sicilian side Catania aren't a bad football team, in much the same way that the Light Brigade probably weren't a bad group of soldiers"
"Liverpool with a score straight out of Posh Spice's diary: 8-nothing."
"Like an Egyptian fish, he's living in denial."
"Football Weekly, the show that is as badly missed as backpass to Titus Bramble"
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