Poor *******.
Former Premiership star Dean Windass reveals he tried to kill himself twice as he battled depression
Jan 15 2012 by Katie Hind
PREMIER League hero Dean Windass has shockingly *confessed he tried to take his life TWICE just days ago.
The former Hull City striker *admitted to The People this week he is battling booze and depression after retiring from the game he adored.
Dean, who at 42 is the same age as Wales manager Gary Speed who killed himself in November.
He said: “I have cried every day for the last two years since retiring.
“People outside football think we have it all. But I was in a hole that I honestly didn’t know how to get out of.
“Just over a week ago I hit rock-bottom and decided to end it all.
“I first took an overdose and when that didn’t work tried to hang myself.
“I felt so alone and believed I had nothing to live for.
“I need to sort myself out which is why I’m speaking out now.
“It is part of me getting better – part of the healing process.”
Dean’s revelation will shock family, friends and fans.
He is famous for his Wembley play-off winning goal in May 2008 against Bristol City which sent his hometown club into the Premier League for the first time in their 104-year history.
The volley from the edge of the area in the 1-0 victory was later estimated to be worth £60 million in TV revenue to the East Yorkshire club and turned Windass into a legend.
But today his life is a far cry from those heady days.
Going up: He cheers play-off win
In a moving and frank interview the burly tattooed ex-player said: “People have this image of me as this big strong man who can take anything life throws at him.
“But I’m not ashamed to say I wanted to end it after a string of setbacks.”
Collapsed
Dean played in the top divisions in England and Scotland in a glittering 19-year career with spells at Middlesbrough, Sheffield United, Bradford City and Aberdeen.
But he missed the buzz and *rewards of life at the highest level after retiring at Hull in 2009.
He turned to booze, often downing 10 to 15 pints of lager and lime.
Dean’s 18-year marriage to police officer wife Helen, 45, by whom he has two sons Josh,18, and Jordan, 12, *collapsed following a fling with a girl he met in the pub.
Before: Dean with wife and sons
With no income, estranged from the family he loved and grieving the sudden death of his father, Dean thought the only way out was to take his own life.
He said: “Just days ago, alone and drunk at my home in Hull, I swallowed a load of tablets – I think they were painkillers. Luckily my girlfriend, with whom I’d recently split, turned up and realising what I had done made me throw up by making me drink pints of water.
“I knew I’d been a fool but I couldn’t shake off the depression at feeling what a failure I’d *become. The next day another dark cloud emerged so I drowned my *sorrows with half a bottle of amaretto liqueur.
“I was just over an hour’s drive away from my wife and family in Leeds but it felt like the other side of the world.
“I thought I don’t want to be in this world any more.
“I tried to use a bedsheet to hang myself and tied it to a handrail at the top of the stairs but it was too long. There weren’t enough stairs.
“I was quite drunk and couldn’t get it to work so I got a belt instead. At that point a friend came round so I couldn’t go through with it. Now I’m trying to get better, get back on track. I don’t want to be miserable every day.”
Dean was shocked by Wales hero Gary’s suicide. He played against the then Newcastle star in 2000 when Dean was at Bradford City.
He said: “Gary’s death had a big *impact on me because he must have been feeling a similar way to me.
“I don’t know what his issues were. It isn’t my business and I don’t want to know but he must have been having a tough time.
“When I heard the news I thought that could be me and I continued down that dark *corridor of depression.” Fighting back tears as he recalled the past two years, Dean said: “I felt like I had no purpose any more, I had nothing to get up for.
Fateful: Gary and Dean in clash
“People outside football think we have it all, but we don’t.
“Look at Stan Collymore and what he’s been through with depression.
“People have this assumption that ‘he’s a footballer, he’s all right’.
“Everyone thinks that Dean Windass is a laugh and a joke and a kid blah blah blah, and got loads of money and his wife and kids are lovely. But that’s all a mask. I was in pieces, I couldn’t stop drinking or *crying. I’ve cried every day for the last two years.” Dean described his typical aimless days after retirement.
He said: “With no job I’d get up go for a run and hit the pub. I could still play the big guy because everyone knew me and wanted to buy me a drink.
“But after necking pint after pint I’d take my frustrations out on the family by being verbally abusive.
“The following day I’d repeat the same pattern and just tell my wife I was popping out to buy a paper.
“Stupidly I became involved with a girl and lost my marriage. I couldn’t get work anywhere and blew nearly all my savings. I couldn’t even *afford to pay for my son’s motor insurance.
“I scored the winning goal at Wembley to get Hull into the Premiership and *foolishly thought I was made for life. I was on a high.
“Although not in the superstar pay bracket I was pulling in well over half a million pounds a year so money was no object. Harvey Nichols was my middle name. I would buy £200 shirts, I’d live in D&G and Prada. Every time a new car came out, whether it was an Audi or BMW, I would buy it. Top-of-the-range cars were my thing.
“I also had a big family house in Leeds worth over a million.
“I was treated like a superstar *wherever I went. Now I am living off what little savings I have but they are running out. I did some work for Sky Sports which I loved but that came to and end. I’ve tried really hard to get a job. I did all of my coaching *qualifications while I was playing.
“I put my CV into loads of clubs for a coaching job but you don’t hear *anything back.
“After Hull I got an assistant manager job at non-league Darlington with Colin Todd which was my dream scenario but we got sacked after six months. I really enjoyed it. It wasn’t a lot of money but it wasn’t about the money. I wanted to be a coach, I wanted to be a manager.
“That ended and I became *increasingly depressed.”
The loss of his father John was also a big factor in his depression.
“We’d fallen out over my drinking but never had the chance to make up before he died of a heart attack last April.
“He died out of the blue. He had a blocked artery, he was 69. We were close my whole life, he was my best friend but we had a fall-out.
“We fell out because he said I only rang him when I was drunk and he didn’t want to speak to me when I’m drunk so it all started there.
“I was stubborn, he was stubborn and we didn’t speak. Then he died. I was devastated, I felt shattered.”
Four months later Dean left Helen for another woman who he had been having an affair with.
He said: “Me retiring put an awful lot of strain on our marriage.
“Helen was working full-time and coming home to look after the kids. I was in the pub every afternoon. I would come home drunk.
“I was aggressive, I would smash glasses, punch walls and Helen had had enough which was understandable.
“There were arguments and *arguments and then I went off with someone else. I met her in Hull in a pub. I moved into her house. I split up with her last week.”
Problems
Now Dean is appealing to football’s governing body the FA to help soccer stars like him adjust after retiring.
He feels he is far from being alone and is convinced there are hundreds of former footballers who have mental health problems when they quit.
Dean blames the fact that footballers have few other work skills because they dedicate their entire lives to the game from a young age.
He said: “We’re not the brightest but you play football all your life.
“I worked on a building site before I was a footballer so that’s all I know.
“There are hundreds of footballers in the same boat. There is nothing to get up for in the morning.
“I do my run in the morning but at midday, what do you do? I think f*** it, I’m going to go for a pint.
“The Professional Footballers’ Association or the governing body need to help us.
“I was quite a confident person and footballer who contributed to the game for 20 years. Maybe I took it for granted I would get something at the end of it.”
Now Dean is to confront his *demons. His first step is to go to rehab to dry out and deal with his depression.
He hopes that after that he can win back the trust of his family.
He said: “I’ve hurt the people closest to me so I’ve come out today and *admitted I need help.
“I have had many battles on the football field but this is by far my *biggest. You’ve got to hit rock-bottom to go back up again.”
Jan 15 2012 by Katie Hind
PREMIER League hero Dean Windass has shockingly *confessed he tried to take his life TWICE just days ago.
The former Hull City striker *admitted to The People this week he is battling booze and depression after retiring from the game he adored.
Dean, who at 42 is the same age as Wales manager Gary Speed who killed himself in November.
He said: “I have cried every day for the last two years since retiring.
“People outside football think we have it all. But I was in a hole that I honestly didn’t know how to get out of.
“Just over a week ago I hit rock-bottom and decided to end it all.
“I first took an overdose and when that didn’t work tried to hang myself.
“I felt so alone and believed I had nothing to live for.
“I need to sort myself out which is why I’m speaking out now.
“It is part of me getting better – part of the healing process.”
Dean’s revelation will shock family, friends and fans.
He is famous for his Wembley play-off winning goal in May 2008 against Bristol City which sent his hometown club into the Premier League for the first time in their 104-year history.
The volley from the edge of the area in the 1-0 victory was later estimated to be worth £60 million in TV revenue to the East Yorkshire club and turned Windass into a legend.
But today his life is a far cry from those heady days.
Going up: He cheers play-off win
In a moving and frank interview the burly tattooed ex-player said: “People have this image of me as this big strong man who can take anything life throws at him.
“But I’m not ashamed to say I wanted to end it after a string of setbacks.”
Collapsed
Dean played in the top divisions in England and Scotland in a glittering 19-year career with spells at Middlesbrough, Sheffield United, Bradford City and Aberdeen.
But he missed the buzz and *rewards of life at the highest level after retiring at Hull in 2009.
He turned to booze, often downing 10 to 15 pints of lager and lime.
Dean’s 18-year marriage to police officer wife Helen, 45, by whom he has two sons Josh,18, and Jordan, 12, *collapsed following a fling with a girl he met in the pub.
Before: Dean with wife and sons
With no income, estranged from the family he loved and grieving the sudden death of his father, Dean thought the only way out was to take his own life.
He said: “Just days ago, alone and drunk at my home in Hull, I swallowed a load of tablets – I think they were painkillers. Luckily my girlfriend, with whom I’d recently split, turned up and realising what I had done made me throw up by making me drink pints of water.
“I knew I’d been a fool but I couldn’t shake off the depression at feeling what a failure I’d *become. The next day another dark cloud emerged so I drowned my *sorrows with half a bottle of amaretto liqueur.
“I was just over an hour’s drive away from my wife and family in Leeds but it felt like the other side of the world.
“I thought I don’t want to be in this world any more.
“I tried to use a bedsheet to hang myself and tied it to a handrail at the top of the stairs but it was too long. There weren’t enough stairs.
“I was quite drunk and couldn’t get it to work so I got a belt instead. At that point a friend came round so I couldn’t go through with it. Now I’m trying to get better, get back on track. I don’t want to be miserable every day.”
Dean was shocked by Wales hero Gary’s suicide. He played against the then Newcastle star in 2000 when Dean was at Bradford City.
He said: “Gary’s death had a big *impact on me because he must have been feeling a similar way to me.
“I don’t know what his issues were. It isn’t my business and I don’t want to know but he must have been having a tough time.
“When I heard the news I thought that could be me and I continued down that dark *corridor of depression.” Fighting back tears as he recalled the past two years, Dean said: “I felt like I had no purpose any more, I had nothing to get up for.
Fateful: Gary and Dean in clash
“People outside football think we have it all, but we don’t.
“Look at Stan Collymore and what he’s been through with depression.
“People have this assumption that ‘he’s a footballer, he’s all right’.
“Everyone thinks that Dean Windass is a laugh and a joke and a kid blah blah blah, and got loads of money and his wife and kids are lovely. But that’s all a mask. I was in pieces, I couldn’t stop drinking or *crying. I’ve cried every day for the last two years.” Dean described his typical aimless days after retirement.
He said: “With no job I’d get up go for a run and hit the pub. I could still play the big guy because everyone knew me and wanted to buy me a drink.
“But after necking pint after pint I’d take my frustrations out on the family by being verbally abusive.
“The following day I’d repeat the same pattern and just tell my wife I was popping out to buy a paper.
“Stupidly I became involved with a girl and lost my marriage. I couldn’t get work anywhere and blew nearly all my savings. I couldn’t even *afford to pay for my son’s motor insurance.
“I scored the winning goal at Wembley to get Hull into the Premiership and *foolishly thought I was made for life. I was on a high.
“Although not in the superstar pay bracket I was pulling in well over half a million pounds a year so money was no object. Harvey Nichols was my middle name. I would buy £200 shirts, I’d live in D&G and Prada. Every time a new car came out, whether it was an Audi or BMW, I would buy it. Top-of-the-range cars were my thing.
“I also had a big family house in Leeds worth over a million.
“I was treated like a superstar *wherever I went. Now I am living off what little savings I have but they are running out. I did some work for Sky Sports which I loved but that came to and end. I’ve tried really hard to get a job. I did all of my coaching *qualifications while I was playing.
“I put my CV into loads of clubs for a coaching job but you don’t hear *anything back.
“After Hull I got an assistant manager job at non-league Darlington with Colin Todd which was my dream scenario but we got sacked after six months. I really enjoyed it. It wasn’t a lot of money but it wasn’t about the money. I wanted to be a coach, I wanted to be a manager.
“That ended and I became *increasingly depressed.”
The loss of his father John was also a big factor in his depression.
“We’d fallen out over my drinking but never had the chance to make up before he died of a heart attack last April.
“He died out of the blue. He had a blocked artery, he was 69. We were close my whole life, he was my best friend but we had a fall-out.
“We fell out because he said I only rang him when I was drunk and he didn’t want to speak to me when I’m drunk so it all started there.
“I was stubborn, he was stubborn and we didn’t speak. Then he died. I was devastated, I felt shattered.”
Four months later Dean left Helen for another woman who he had been having an affair with.
He said: “Me retiring put an awful lot of strain on our marriage.
“Helen was working full-time and coming home to look after the kids. I was in the pub every afternoon. I would come home drunk.
“I was aggressive, I would smash glasses, punch walls and Helen had had enough which was understandable.
“There were arguments and *arguments and then I went off with someone else. I met her in Hull in a pub. I moved into her house. I split up with her last week.”
Problems
Now Dean is appealing to football’s governing body the FA to help soccer stars like him adjust after retiring.
He feels he is far from being alone and is convinced there are hundreds of former footballers who have mental health problems when they quit.
Dean blames the fact that footballers have few other work skills because they dedicate their entire lives to the game from a young age.
He said: “We’re not the brightest but you play football all your life.
“I worked on a building site before I was a footballer so that’s all I know.
“There are hundreds of footballers in the same boat. There is nothing to get up for in the morning.
“I do my run in the morning but at midday, what do you do? I think f*** it, I’m going to go for a pint.
“The Professional Footballers’ Association or the governing body need to help us.
“I was quite a confident person and footballer who contributed to the game for 20 years. Maybe I took it for granted I would get something at the end of it.”
Now Dean is to confront his *demons. His first step is to go to rehab to dry out and deal with his depression.
He hopes that after that he can win back the trust of his family.
He said: “I’ve hurt the people closest to me so I’ve come out today and *admitted I need help.
“I have had many battles on the football field but this is by far my *biggest. You’ve got to hit rock-bottom to go back up again.”
Windass admitting what an idiot he's been is superb, he's blaming no-one but himself, and it's a ominous but timely warning to any young and currently wealthy or soon to be footballer out there.
RAFA 
**** off!!
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