Champions league 2013-2014

[Bender]

Marouane Fellaini failed to get a grade in Marca’s post match ratings of Man United v Bayern

[Roboklopp]

I really hope so. We all said that about last night- and here we are, the wrong side of their famous draw.

(@Pobs)

[Vermilion]

I think it's going to be extremely comfortable for Bayern in the second leg.

How comfortable do they need it ffs!? They should have ripped utd apart in the first 60mins, but all they did was pass pass pass pass pass pass pass pass pass! loads of players around the area but none making runs in behind, it was a shocking display of how to squander domination. imo.

Hopefully they wont do it again. It was a very frustrating watch.

[Pablo]

How comfortable do they need it ffs!? They should have ripped utd apart in the first 60mins, but all they did was pass pass pass pass pass pass pass pass pass! loads of players around the area but none making runs in behind, it was a shocking display of how to squander domination. imo.

Hopefully they wont do it again. It was a very frustrating watch.

It's the way they play. I think they'll have more luck at home. If they make the breakthrough early I think they might get 4 or 5.

Bayern win, Man United somehow come out of it with some credit. Moyes keeps his job. Everyone's happy .

[PTP]

no way i'm betting on bayern to win/go through - not even if it's 10-1 new customer offer

[Kenneth]

You can add a third too: lowest possession percentage at home.

That's kinda a given when it's the lowest period

Don't forget Lowest passing accuracy at home too. So that's four.

[McDermotX]

When was that?!

vs Villa last weekend or the one before that.

Villa match alright.

He's one of the worst offenders in the PL, but is never hauled up over it. Not by refs, not be the media.
He'll be at it again in the World Cup, probably denying Costa Rica a famous win, and he'll be eulogised by the likes of ITV and BBC for doing so.
Meanwhile, Carlos Kickaball is denounced for being a cheating, foreign *******.

[Roboklopp]

Don't forget Lowest passing accuracy at home too. So that's four.

And both of them in 2014 - so that's 6.

[baitman]

Andy Townsend by the way, you could practically hear his zip go down when Vidic scored.

[Darkon]

Double the money on a PSG home win tonight... Any takers on that? I think I will throw a bit after it, seems good value against a shaky Chelsea.

[ChesterDave]

Both teams to score in the Madrid Dortmund game is the best of the night for me. Both teams to score in the other game worth a sniff as well but prices not fabulous so might as well make it the BTTS and PSG to win

[Darkon]

Lewandowski is suspended tonight though, that is a bit of a game changer for me. Not many decent strikers in the team and will slow their counters.

Considering Real to win by more than 1 considering that Dortmunds defence is a sieve at the moment.

[Montana]

I reckon 1-1 PSG v Chelsea tonight then 2-2 at the bridge so PSG advance on away goals.

[ChesterDave]

http://metro.co.uk/2014/04/02/reporter-looks-at-pictures-of-cute-dogs-rather-that-watching-manchester-united-vs-bayern-munich-4686180/?ITO=facebook

[Shaggy]

It was Chris Bascombe

I wondered if Neil Young had sneaked into OT.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/teams/manchester-united/10739481/Revealed-It-was-me-who-was-caught-looking-at-dogs-rather-than-the-football-at-Old-Trafford...-and-heres-why.html

Revealed - It was me who was caught looking at dogs rather than the football at Old Trafford... and here's why

Twitter was abuzz when a man was caught looking at pictures of dogs rather than the football during Manchester United's clash with Bayern Munich on Tuesday night - but there was a simple explanation for it

Okay, this will go down as my George Costanza / Larry David moment.

The scene is Old Trafford and the task is to file the match ratings for the Manchester United v Bayern Munich fixture.

Those who watched the aforementioned game will acknowledge United midfielder Marouane Fellaini was, to put it mildly, not at his best. This would have to be acknowledged in the said rating.

"Fellaini. Not very good. 4."

Of course, this would have been the easy observation. To the point, accurate but ever so slightly bland to the extent of appearing even less interested than the Belgian's efforts to control the ball and win headers.

So, as is the want of those tasked with ratings, you try to paint a more colourful picture in the 35 words available.

"He looks like an out-of-control dog," I thought. But what dog?

For some reason an Afghan hound came to mind. No idea why, it just did. This image nagged since, to be perfectly honest, I have no idea what an Afghan hound really looks like. It just sounded quite good.



In the diligent pursuit of accuracy I used a well known search engine to check photographs of an Afghan hound. My instincts were right. Fellaini bore no resemblance. So then, what dog? Ah, there it is. A poodle. Fellaini, with that bushy head, resembled a poodle on steroids. An overgrown poodle. That's it.

That will do.

Right, he's sorted. Now, how shall I describe Danny Welbeck?

Shortly after the game a colleague approaches.

"Have you been staring at dogs?"

"What?"

"Dogs."

"Well, I mean, er, well, I suppose I did yeah... why?"

"It's on Twitter."

"What? I accidentally tweeted a photo of a dog?"

"No. Here. Look."

I was then directed to a 'parody' website which, utterly hilariously, had posted a photograph of a journalist looking at a picture of dogs while the game was going on, accompanied by a suggestion the reporter found it more interesting than the match.

"This," I instantly established, "does not look good."

By this morning, the journalist was not just looking at dogs he was buying a dog online. Worse, he was denying genuine, hard-working journalists a ticket by wistfully staring at dogs like some weird fetishist. He was Peter Kay's comic creation Keith Lard and, to pardon the pun, should be hounded out of the industry forthwith. Name and shame him. Social media's wittiest and most pithy journalists dived on board, both amused and appalled by the actions of this rogue dog lover.

You can say it was cruel to describe Fellaini as resembling a poodle, you may even think it a waste of the full 30 seconds it took to use the search engine to check the accuracy of comparing him to any sort of canine, but since this was little more than a legitimate means of describing his performance one would hope attention might shift from the subject of the photo to whoever took it.

I put to it them that tickets were available for £80, the atmosphere was fantastic and two great clubs were competing in the Champions League quarter-final, but someone was more interested in snooping on the reporter sitting in front of him/her, rapidly snatch a picture on their phone and send it to the internet while smugly applauding themselves on a job well done. Bully for you. They certainly moved quicker than Fellaini.

It is clear from the location a fellow journalist took the photograph, which - while even more satisfying to punters who love us coming a cropper - offers a new peril to all of us in press boxes throughout the land.

That well known search engine can take several hammerings during a game in an effort to ensure that 'oh-so-perceptive' observation has merit.

Last month when Man City played Barcelona I suggested Manuel Pellegrini resembled Irish comic Dave Allen. To confirm the likeness I quickly found an image of the great wit and felt suitably comfortable my recollection was correct.

"£80 a ticket, two great teams, the Champions League and some reporter is spending his time starting at pictures of hard-drinking, chain-smoking 1970s comedians with a dry delivery and acerbic view of the Catholic church," could have read the 'jokey' tweet.

My colleagues, fortunately, find all this most amusing and I can scarcely imagine the stick I will now take for the foreseeable future. I'm prepared for dog's abuse for a while.

As well as feeling rather too much like George from Seinfeld, the key lesson from all this is instead of just watching what is going on in front of me, the first thing I will do the next time I'm at a game is watch my back.