Got sent this by a mate, not sure who the journalist is, but he's a bell-end. (Edit - for anyone reading this for the first time, it's from a 'comedy' section of the guardian and is deliberately OTT)
A STORY THAT WAS ORIGINALLY SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT LIVERPOOL'S LATEST DEFEAT BUT ENDED UP AS AN ANTI-CLIVE TYLDESLEY RANT INSTEAD
Barcelona weren't the only ones who were off the pace and showing Liverpool a sickening amount of respect last night. Short of dropping to his knees in the centre-circle and tongueing $tevie MbE's nether regions, ITV cheerleader Clive Tyldesley's commentary could not have been more gushing towards the Liverpool side beaten by the lethargic defending champions.
The Fiver gets enough fawning high-pitched blather about "tradition", "witty Koppites" and "famous European nights" delivered to its inbox from chippy Scousers on a daily basis, which means we could do without hearing more from a commentator whose job spec surely calls on him to display some small measure of impartiality from time to time. The nearest Tyldesley came to drooling over anyone who wasn't in a red shirt last night was his description of word of a Chelsea goal against Porto as "good news from Stamford Bridge". Good news for who exactly, Clive? Certainly not the vast majority of the punters you're commentating for, who emphatically wanted to see Jose Mourinho's team get tonked.
But seeing as this story was originally supposed to be about Liverpool's defeat before it turned into yet another rant about the manner in which ITV and their ilk incorrectly presume English clubs competing in Europe have the good wishes of anyone apart from their own fans, we should probably finish by giving a nod to those raucous Liverpool Reds fans who, not for the first time season, bellowed a stirring rendition of You'll Never Walk Alone to mark yet another defeat. "Will I always have this much fun when I come to Anfield?" asked a visibly astonished new American co-owner Tom Hicks in the wake of his first match at Anfield. "I'd heard so much about the fans, but that was spectacular. The Kop was just special." Such blatant attempts to butter up Scousers are unlikely to wash for the American. After all it's not as if you can buy 50 years of tradi... oh.
A STORY THAT WAS ORIGINALLY SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT LIVERPOOL'S LATEST DEFEAT BUT ENDED UP AS AN ANTI-CLIVE TYLDESLEY RANT INSTEAD
Barcelona weren't the only ones who were off the pace and showing Liverpool a sickening amount of respect last night. Short of dropping to his knees in the centre-circle and tongueing $tevie MbE's nether regions, ITV cheerleader Clive Tyldesley's commentary could not have been more gushing towards the Liverpool side beaten by the lethargic defending champions.
The Fiver gets enough fawning high-pitched blather about "tradition", "witty Koppites" and "famous European nights" delivered to its inbox from chippy Scousers on a daily basis, which means we could do without hearing more from a commentator whose job spec surely calls on him to display some small measure of impartiality from time to time. The nearest Tyldesley came to drooling over anyone who wasn't in a red shirt last night was his description of word of a Chelsea goal against Porto as "good news from Stamford Bridge". Good news for who exactly, Clive? Certainly not the vast majority of the punters you're commentating for, who emphatically wanted to see Jose Mourinho's team get tonked.
But seeing as this story was originally supposed to be about Liverpool's defeat before it turned into yet another rant about the manner in which ITV and their ilk incorrectly presume English clubs competing in Europe have the good wishes of anyone apart from their own fans, we should probably finish by giving a nod to those raucous Liverpool Reds fans who, not for the first time season, bellowed a stirring rendition of You'll Never Walk Alone to mark yet another defeat. "Will I always have this much fun when I come to Anfield?" asked a visibly astonished new American co-owner Tom Hicks in the wake of his first match at Anfield. "I'd heard so much about the fans, but that was spectacular. The Kop was just special." Such blatant attempts to butter up Scousers are unlikely to wash for the American. After all it's not as if you can buy 50 years of tradi... oh.
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