Small talk with Kelly Dalglish
Sorry, think I'd post that in the LFC forum as she's a red. I love her to bits. 
Link for the article here.
Hi Kelly, how are you?
Great thanks, Small Talk. I'm just driving up to Anfield, so I've got lots of time on my hands...
First question: do you think it was fair of someone called Kenny to name their daughter Kelly?
[Laughs] I know! To be honest, I don't think my dad had much say, it was all down to mum. But at the same time I was born the chairman of Celtic was a guy called Mr Kelly, so that was a little inappropriate! Then again, Emlyn Hughes named his kids Emma Lynn and Emlyn, so I got off lightly.
So Kenny wasn't being vain?
Not in this case, but I've got two sisters and one brother, and Paul's the only one who got a middle name, and that's Kenneth!
How did you get to be the famous daughter?
[Laughs] I don't know... my youngest sister is only 19, so she's got a while yet ...
Did that BT ad help?
God, that advert was awful. I was absolutely mortified. My friends at university took the mickey relentlessly for about two years. Originally my mum was meant to do it, but she kept saying: "I'm too embarrassed, I can't do it", and I just kept telling her to get on with it. She phoned me up about three days later and said: "You know that advert", and I said: "Oh great, you've decided to do it", and she said: "No, I've put you forward for it, since you're so bloody keen."
What's the most embarrassing thing your dad's ever done in your presence?
He's constantly embarrassing! [laughs] Things like trying to pick me up from discos when I was young by standing around the corner waiting. We came back from a school trip to France when I was about 11, and my mum and dad arrived an hour before the coach came, and stood on the pavement in front of all the other parents, waving at me as though I had been on a trek to the North Pole. All the other parents were just much more normal.
Ever been on a date with a footballer?
[Firmly] Oh no. No, no, no.
Would your parents have hated it?
I don't think they would have been hugely pleased, but I don't have the temperament for it. Especially footballers now, I couldn't be doing with all those girls throwing themselves at them. Not that my fiancé doesn't have girls throwing themselves at him! I'd better not say that!
Too late, Kelly ... Kenny wasn't the super-protective type then?
He was, but I don't think he ever really had huge cause to be - I didn't have wildly unsuitable boyfriends. He did once, oh God, I once went out with a guy who told my dad he liked basketball, to which my dad replied: "Are you a Mormon?" He was clearly far too stressed about the fact that some bloke wanted to take his daughter out to make any kind of sensible conversation.
Small Talk was looking on IMDB, and your STARmeter is down by 33% in the last week. Why that might be?
I've got no idea. I can't imagine it was very high to start with.
Would you consider some sort of dancing-based reality TV show to boost your rating?
[Laughs heartily] I don't think it would be safe, I'd probably injure myself. Plus I'd be the sort of Kate Garraway, Fiona Phillips-type, and if you're gonna be the token klutz then you have to be on GMTV where everybody loves you so they vote for you. You need to be either really good, or really popular, and I don't think I'd be either ...
Bless! What about going to the jungle and eating snakes?
I'd definitely never, ever, ever, ever go to the jungle. I'm scared of everything. I would be a complete hysterical freak.
What are you most scared of?
Heights, spiders, snakes, creepy-crawlies, everything ... bugs. I'm slightly claustrophobic. I watch all of the tasks, and just think: "no". The one I always thought I could do best was eating the weird food, but they've started to put more alive stuff in, so I couldn't do that. If it was dead I could eat it, but not alive, urgh!
Peter Crouch or Dirk Kuyt?
At what?! If you're going to play a long ball then you want Peter Crouch, but if you're going to play it to feet you want Kuyt.
Cop out. What's you favourite kind of biscuit?
I like plain chocolate digestives, not milk - they're too sweet. Oh, and ginger nuts. I've not got a very sweet tooth, I'm more of a nut person.
Your father told us he's a huge fan of the digestives ...
[Quickly] He likes them sandwiched together with the chocolate in the middle ...
He also, bizarrely, claimed to put butter on them ...
Yes, that's right. Sometimes it's butter, sometimes a little jam as well.
Cheese or chocolate
[Decisively] Cheese. Definitely. Any kind of.
How much does a pint of milk cost?
About 50p? Depends where you buy it from, or whether it's organic, or whether it's produced by cows that have been massaged and had classical music played to them.
Small Talk has always imagined that those cows that get massaged and fed lager would be a good kind of animal to come back as in another life...
You'd like to come back as a wagyu cow? Is it wagyu, or waygoo? That would be quite nice - or a cat!
Is that what you'd come back as?
Why not? I could sleep all day, and take the mickey out of my owner. I prefer dogs to cats but I'd rather be a cat.
You wouldn't prefer dogs if you were a cat, Kelly. Anyway, in This Is Spinal Tap, Nigel Tufnell claims that Alan Hansen's wife can run faster than Kenny Dalglish's wife - your mother! Is this true?
Depends on how much is knocked off the price of the shoe they're running in! No, I reckon they'd both fall off their stilettos before the end of the race.
But did you never...
Did we never race our mothers? No [fits of giggles]. Maybe I should start a war and say: "I'm really offended and my mum can run much faster than Janet".
This can be your revenge for her putting you in that BT advert ...
My mum can run an 11-second 100m.
What's the strangest request you've had from a fan?
Well there used to be a guy who wrote to Sky, asking everybody if they smoked, and if so, what brand? We never replied.
What would you put in Room 101?
God, there's so many things. People who eat with their mouth open, that makes me sick. And really loud music at football stadiums - like at the end of a cup final when they make it so loud you hardly hear the fans singing.
Which is your favourite pasta shape?
[Without hesitation] Linguini.
You couldn't have been more ready for that question.
I know, it's terrible. [More giggling] I always buy linguini because I think it's more interesting than spaghetti, but it's actually not very different.
What do you have in your pockets right now?
I don't have pockets! In my jacket pocket I have some keys...
[Mishearing] Some cheese?!
Yes... No, keys, not cheese! [Laughing] Don't say I've got cheese in my pockets!
You might have had some cheese ...
Maybe - Cheesy strings. You never know when you're going to need a little snack ...
Exactly. What was the last CD you bought?
I just bought the audio CD of Jane Eyre for this trip. Does that make me sound intelligent or thick? I get so sleepy if I listen to music all the way up. And the radio stations just repeat themselves so by the time you've done four hours it's kind of boring.
So are you a classics buff?
No, I'll read absolutely anything - from epics, to crappy, Georgette Heyer regency romances ... or if something's been nominated for a Booker prize, then I've usually got it somewhere.
If you were stuck on a desert island, which book would you want with you?
Everyone says the complete works of Shakespeare, but I think that's dull. Plus they're plays. But it would have to be the complete works of somebody. Christopher Brookmyre - he's hilarious.
What luxury item would you take?
My iPod.
You wouldn't be able to charge it after the first play though...
I'd get a little crab to go on one of those treadmills to generate electricity like in the Carling adverts.
And then eat him?
I would definitely eat him. I like a bit of crab. But then who would make the electricity?
It's a dilemma, all right. Finally Kelly, can you tell us a joke?
OK, so this vampire bat goes back into the cave, and his face is covered in blood, and all the other vampire bats are really, really jealous. So they're asking: "where did you get that from, where have you been?" And he says, "come, I'll show you all my secrets", and they fly out and they go over the dark forest, and he says: "You see that big oak tree over there?" The vampire bats say: "yes", and he says: "Well I didn't."
Honk! Thanks very much for your time Kelly, it's been highly diverting.
Thanks Small Talk, bye!
Link for the article here.
Hi Kelly, how are you?
Great thanks, Small Talk. I'm just driving up to Anfield, so I've got lots of time on my hands...
First question: do you think it was fair of someone called Kenny to name their daughter Kelly?
[Laughs] I know! To be honest, I don't think my dad had much say, it was all down to mum. But at the same time I was born the chairman of Celtic was a guy called Mr Kelly, so that was a little inappropriate! Then again, Emlyn Hughes named his kids Emma Lynn and Emlyn, so I got off lightly.
So Kenny wasn't being vain?
Not in this case, but I've got two sisters and one brother, and Paul's the only one who got a middle name, and that's Kenneth!
How did you get to be the famous daughter?
[Laughs] I don't know... my youngest sister is only 19, so she's got a while yet ...
Did that BT ad help?
God, that advert was awful. I was absolutely mortified. My friends at university took the mickey relentlessly for about two years. Originally my mum was meant to do it, but she kept saying: "I'm too embarrassed, I can't do it", and I just kept telling her to get on with it. She phoned me up about three days later and said: "You know that advert", and I said: "Oh great, you've decided to do it", and she said: "No, I've put you forward for it, since you're so bloody keen."
What's the most embarrassing thing your dad's ever done in your presence?
He's constantly embarrassing! [laughs] Things like trying to pick me up from discos when I was young by standing around the corner waiting. We came back from a school trip to France when I was about 11, and my mum and dad arrived an hour before the coach came, and stood on the pavement in front of all the other parents, waving at me as though I had been on a trek to the North Pole. All the other parents were just much more normal.
Ever been on a date with a footballer?
[Firmly] Oh no. No, no, no.
Would your parents have hated it?
I don't think they would have been hugely pleased, but I don't have the temperament for it. Especially footballers now, I couldn't be doing with all those girls throwing themselves at them. Not that my fiancé doesn't have girls throwing themselves at him! I'd better not say that!
Too late, Kelly ... Kenny wasn't the super-protective type then?
He was, but I don't think he ever really had huge cause to be - I didn't have wildly unsuitable boyfriends. He did once, oh God, I once went out with a guy who told my dad he liked basketball, to which my dad replied: "Are you a Mormon?" He was clearly far too stressed about the fact that some bloke wanted to take his daughter out to make any kind of sensible conversation.
Small Talk was looking on IMDB, and your STARmeter is down by 33% in the last week. Why that might be?
I've got no idea. I can't imagine it was very high to start with.
Would you consider some sort of dancing-based reality TV show to boost your rating?
[Laughs heartily] I don't think it would be safe, I'd probably injure myself. Plus I'd be the sort of Kate Garraway, Fiona Phillips-type, and if you're gonna be the token klutz then you have to be on GMTV where everybody loves you so they vote for you. You need to be either really good, or really popular, and I don't think I'd be either ...
Bless! What about going to the jungle and eating snakes?
I'd definitely never, ever, ever, ever go to the jungle. I'm scared of everything. I would be a complete hysterical freak.
What are you most scared of?
Heights, spiders, snakes, creepy-crawlies, everything ... bugs. I'm slightly claustrophobic. I watch all of the tasks, and just think: "no". The one I always thought I could do best was eating the weird food, but they've started to put more alive stuff in, so I couldn't do that. If it was dead I could eat it, but not alive, urgh!
Peter Crouch or Dirk Kuyt?
At what?! If you're going to play a long ball then you want Peter Crouch, but if you're going to play it to feet you want Kuyt.
Cop out. What's you favourite kind of biscuit?
I like plain chocolate digestives, not milk - they're too sweet. Oh, and ginger nuts. I've not got a very sweet tooth, I'm more of a nut person.
Your father told us he's a huge fan of the digestives ...
[Quickly] He likes them sandwiched together with the chocolate in the middle ...
He also, bizarrely, claimed to put butter on them ...
Yes, that's right. Sometimes it's butter, sometimes a little jam as well.
Cheese or chocolate
[Decisively] Cheese. Definitely. Any kind of.
How much does a pint of milk cost?
About 50p? Depends where you buy it from, or whether it's organic, or whether it's produced by cows that have been massaged and had classical music played to them.
Small Talk has always imagined that those cows that get massaged and fed lager would be a good kind of animal to come back as in another life...
You'd like to come back as a wagyu cow? Is it wagyu, or waygoo? That would be quite nice - or a cat!
Is that what you'd come back as?
Why not? I could sleep all day, and take the mickey out of my owner. I prefer dogs to cats but I'd rather be a cat.
You wouldn't prefer dogs if you were a cat, Kelly. Anyway, in This Is Spinal Tap, Nigel Tufnell claims that Alan Hansen's wife can run faster than Kenny Dalglish's wife - your mother! Is this true?
Depends on how much is knocked off the price of the shoe they're running in! No, I reckon they'd both fall off their stilettos before the end of the race.
But did you never...
Did we never race our mothers? No [fits of giggles]. Maybe I should start a war and say: "I'm really offended and my mum can run much faster than Janet".
This can be your revenge for her putting you in that BT advert ...
My mum can run an 11-second 100m.
What's the strangest request you've had from a fan?
Well there used to be a guy who wrote to Sky, asking everybody if they smoked, and if so, what brand? We never replied.
What would you put in Room 101?
God, there's so many things. People who eat with their mouth open, that makes me sick. And really loud music at football stadiums - like at the end of a cup final when they make it so loud you hardly hear the fans singing.
Which is your favourite pasta shape?
[Without hesitation] Linguini.
You couldn't have been more ready for that question.
I know, it's terrible. [More giggling] I always buy linguini because I think it's more interesting than spaghetti, but it's actually not very different.
What do you have in your pockets right now?
I don't have pockets! In my jacket pocket I have some keys...
[Mishearing] Some cheese?!
Yes... No, keys, not cheese! [Laughing] Don't say I've got cheese in my pockets!
You might have had some cheese ...
Maybe - Cheesy strings. You never know when you're going to need a little snack ...
Exactly. What was the last CD you bought?
I just bought the audio CD of Jane Eyre for this trip. Does that make me sound intelligent or thick? I get so sleepy if I listen to music all the way up. And the radio stations just repeat themselves so by the time you've done four hours it's kind of boring.
So are you a classics buff?
No, I'll read absolutely anything - from epics, to crappy, Georgette Heyer regency romances ... or if something's been nominated for a Booker prize, then I've usually got it somewhere.
If you were stuck on a desert island, which book would you want with you?
Everyone says the complete works of Shakespeare, but I think that's dull. Plus they're plays. But it would have to be the complete works of somebody. Christopher Brookmyre - he's hilarious.
What luxury item would you take?
My iPod.
You wouldn't be able to charge it after the first play though...
I'd get a little crab to go on one of those treadmills to generate electricity like in the Carling adverts.
And then eat him?
I would definitely eat him. I like a bit of crab. But then who would make the electricity?
It's a dilemma, all right. Finally Kelly, can you tell us a joke?
OK, so this vampire bat goes back into the cave, and his face is covered in blood, and all the other vampire bats are really, really jealous. So they're asking: "where did you get that from, where have you been?" And he says, "come, I'll show you all my secrets", and they fly out and they go over the dark forest, and he says: "You see that big oak tree over there?" The vampire bats say: "yes", and he says: "Well I didn't."
Honk! Thanks very much for your time Kelly, it's been highly diverting.
Thanks Small Talk, bye!
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