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**PTP** · 11-03-09, 02:52 PM

haha also from the guardian - the match as it happend - good read - especially when dossena comes on

OBLIGATORY 1960 EUROPEAN CUP FINAL REFERENCE: Alfredo di Stefano scores the opener. How on earth did the hacks stop themselves falling out of that press box (assuming that is the press box)? You couldn't have tempted me in there with free booze, I can tell you that for nothing

At one point during the famous 1960 European Cup final between Real Madrid and Eintracht Frankfurt, Francisco Gento burned down the wing with such speed that the Hampden crowd collectively laughed with excitement. Compare and contrast with the sort of mirth generated by the present-day rabble in meringue-white shirts. It takes nothing away from a Javier Mascherano and Yossi Benayoun-inspired Liverpool to say that Real Madrid were effing appalling in the first leg of this tie at the Bernabeu. They'll need to get their gamefaces on tonight if they don't want to go out at the first knockout hurdle for the fifth season in a row. That is a dreadful record for a club with Real's pretentions.

Liverpool, meanwhile, just require more of the same - though under Rafael Benitez in Europe they have, more often than is strictly comfortable, followed an impressive away performance with a stuttering one at home (Barcelona, Benfica, CSKA Sofia, Graz). Usually it doesn't cost them, but nevertheless they'll be glad Fernando Torres is back.

Why, please, is £7m Andrea Dossena in Liverpool's Champions League squad ahead of the excellent Emilio Insúa? Seven million pounds! Seven million! I know! Reina, Arbeloa, Skrtel, Carragher, Aurelio, Alonso, Mascherano, Kuyt, Gerrard, Babel, Torres.
Subs: Cavalieri, Dossena, Hyypia, Lucas, Ngog, Spearing, Kelly.

La décima you're after, is it? Whatever happens tonight, good luck with that one: Casillas, Sergio Ramos, Cannavaro, Pepe, Heinze, Robben, Lassana Diarra, Gago, Sneijder, Raul, Higuain.
Subs: Dudek, Saviola, Marcelo, Guti, Metzelder, Miguel Torres, Van der Vaart.

Referee: Frank De Bleeckere (The country soon to be known as The Country Formerly Known As Belgium)

Kick off: 7.45pm

The teams are out, You'll Never Walk Alone has been played... but before that, some 1960 chat. "Nice photo of the obligatory 1960 cup etc," writes Brian Cruickshank, "but who's the guy in far left of frame? My god, he looks like he's in plus fours and a bonnet, strolling the fairway. Is that a ref? Shed light!" Can do. That's the Eintracht goalkeeper Egon Loy. Here he is making another spectacular save.

The spectacular Egon Loy
And another!

And we're off! Within 50 seconds, Torres is rushing towards the Anfield Road end with the ball at his feet. Real hack clear for a corner. Nothing comes of it, but that's a super-positive start by Liverpool.

2 min: Babel - who has gone right off the boil this season - takes a whack from 25 yards. The effort balloons off Heinze and away. This is a really bright start from the home side.

4 min: And it was so nearly a perfect start from Liverpool. Torres spins Cannavaro brilliantly on the edge of the area - he's one on one with Casillas coming in from the left! The Spanish keeper kicks the Liverpool striker's shot round his near post. And from the corner another spectacular save, Mascherano unleashing a dipping volley from the edge of the area that's heading towards the top-right corner before Casillas fingertips it onto the crossbar. Liverpool have exploded out of the blocks here.

7 min: Liverpool are simply outstanding at the moment. Real don't know what's hit them. With Torres free in acres on the left, Gerrard spins on the edge of the area and is upended by Pepe. That's a free kick just in front of the D. Gerrard attempts to curl it into the bottom-right corner, but the keeper's behind it all the way.

9 min: Liverpool won't want to get over-excited, though: from a set piece on the right, Heinze heads over Reina's bar from eight yards. Miles over, but still. "Yes, the soccer world must have really shifted on its axis in that 1960 final," writes Justin Kavanagh, "just like the 729,063 old men who claim to have been there say it did: the press box looks like it is about to fall off the Hampden Park roof with the seismic shock, Alex Ferguson still gets misty-eyed about it, and even di Stefano looks knocked off his feet. Still, at least the German keeper kept his feet firmly on the ground as he strolled across to pick another one out of the net." You have got to love Egon Loy: he could have thrown his cap on the ball, but he simply couldn't be bothered.

12 min: Anfield is bubbling after that opening. It's settled down a tad, but not by much. Both teams look well up for this. "Liverpool in Europe under Rafa Benitez is the cure for insomnia," quips George Templeton, proving that so much in comedy is about the timing.

16 min: THEY DESERVED THIS ALRIGHT: Liverpool 1-0 Real Madrid. Under a high bouncing ball and with Torres beside him, Pepe fannies around on the edge of his own area. He attempts to slide the ball back to the keeper but, falling over, can only poke it towards Kuyt on the right, who cuts it across into the centre for Torres to slide into an empty net. Madrid claim Pepe was fouled, and Torres did have his hand on the defender's shoulder, but as the Madrid player was already cocking things up in spectacular style, the ref isn't having a bar of it.

19 min: Pepe is booked for arguing over a common-or-garden foul. He's clearly still raging about the challenge on him for the Liverpool goal. Speaking of Pepe... "Your poor spelling is very annoying Scott," rites Liam Ellis. "For example, when you said Pepe 'upended' Gerrard the correct spelling is Pepe 'dived in at Gerrard didn't touch him, Gerrard did his customary starfish like dive and I chose to ignore it because Englishmen don't dive'." I'll take your word for it: to be honest I only saw the incident out of the corner of my eye and was winging it.

22 min: I saw this one, though: Cannavaro bodychecks Gerrard on the right, just as the Liverpool captain was looking to scoot free down the wing. Aurelio swings the resulting free kick into the area, where it's met by Skrtel, who sends a header sailing towards the top-left corner. For a second it looks like it's going in, but Casillas manages to claw it out of the air, then smother the ball on the ground at the second attempt. This is brilliant stuff by Liverpool.

24 min: IKER CASILLAS = NO EGON LOY I've not seen Liverpool play as well as this for a very long time. Torres rips clear down the left and stands a cross into the centre. Gerrard, the ball slightly behind him, scissor-kicks it back towards the top-left; Casillas, going the wrong way, still manages to put up a strong hand and parry the ball away. That is simply outstanding goalkeeping. Real are very lucky this is only 1-0.

26 min: Gerrard is booked for needlessly scything down Sergio Ramos on the right wing - in the Real half. What a ridiculous yellow to pick up.

28 min: PENALTY FOR LIVERPOOL! Arbeloa chests down a high ball dropping into the right-hand side of the Real box. It hits Heinze on the very top of his arm - and the linesman gives a penalty! That's a bit harsh, that. And Heinze is booked for his trouble as well.

28 min: GOAL!!! Liverpool 2-0 Real Madrid. Casillas suffers the same fate as Egon Loy in the 1960 final: he watches a penalty whistle past him into the net. Gerrard belts it into the top left, and this is surely too much for Real to come back from.

30 min: From a free kick at least 30 yards out, if not 35, Sneijder unleashes one hell of a shot. It's whizzing towards the top-left corner, and Reina does very well to get across and tip the effort round the post. You get the sense that was hit with a lot of frustration.

32 min: Heinze and Torres have a nose-to-nose row after the two clash. Play nicely, please. "This is a uninformed opinion," begins James Wells, who will belong here for sure, "but did Fabio Cannvaro sell his footballing skill to the devil to win the World Cup? He's been unimpressive and even downright bad in the few times I've seen him since."

34 min: The impressive Arbeloa cuts inside from the right and feeds Torres, who is in turn this close to sending Gerrard free on goal. Good covering from Sergio Ramos saves the day for Real. The blood must be draining from Iker Casillas's face.

36 min: Real look utterly rattled. Heinze is rushing round all over the place in a hot flap. He'll need to calm down, having already been booked.

38 min: A couple of flashes of near-brilliance from Raul: first he nearly pokes the ball past Skrtel to break into the box, but can't quite get round the big defender, then he heads a right-wing Sergio Ramos cross into Reina's arms. That's better from the Spanish champions.

39 min: Pepe needs to watch himself as well. Like Heinze, he's already been booked; like Heinze, he's running around with the funk on. He's late on Babel down the left: the ref gives a free kick but, thankfully from Real's perspective, no booking.

41 min: Liverpool flow beautifully down the pitch, from left to right, but when Kuyt is eventually released into the box, he skews a terrible effort high into the Anfield Road end. With Torres, Gerrard and Babel all in decent positions in the middle, that was a terrible waste.

42 min: Heinze calms down. He zips down the left, reaches the byline, and pulls the ball back to Schneider, who hammers a shot straight at Reina. Again, better from Real, who are getting back into this game now.

43 min: Piqued at some minor matter, Mascherano hoofs the ball away after the referee blows his whistle for a Real free kick. He's booked. For a second he appears to be going into Old Trafford meltdown, but Gerrard is in quickly to push him away from more trouble. That means he'll miss the first leg of the quarter final, should Liverpool make it.

HALF TIME: Liverpool 2-0 Pitiful Rabble. Kuyt and Raul take turns to scuff rubbish shots off target, and that's that. A very impressive first-half performance by Liverpool indeed. Madrid, meanwhile, were abject. "How many goals do Liverpool need to be up before you would feel comfortable unleashing Andrea Dossena on the world?" wonders Jeff Woodman, who already knows the answer.

Anyway, that 1960 Hampden press box, which you couldn't have tempted me into with high-quality booze: "Such press boxes would not be allowed in this era," sniffs safety officer Peter Green, wandering around in a big brown overcoat while scribbling on a clipboard. "Not with [NAME OF MUCH-DECORATED FOOTBALL COLUMNIST DELETED] being a journalist!"

And we're off again! Liverpool set the ball rolling, kicking towards the Kop in this second half, as they very much prefer. Marcleo replaces Robben, who was Real's star player in the first leg but almost totally invisible tonight. "I can't help feeling that we have a front row seat at Rafa's job interview with Real," speculates Bernie Flynn.

47 min: WHAT A SUPERB START TO THE HALF FOR LIVERPOOL, AND WHAT A GOAL!!! Liverpool 3-0 Real Madrid. Aurelio sends Babel scampering down the left. He heads for the byline at pace, cuts the ball back into the area, and finds Gerrard, who sidefoots confidently into the top-left corner from ten yards out. Poor Casillas, who has been on the whole superb tonight, looks crestfallen.

51 min: Sergio Ramos swings a ball into the Liverpool area from the right. Raul gets ahead of Skrtel and Carragher, and should sidefoot home from six yards, but skies his effort, his eye on Reina coming off his line. Meanwhile Edward Whatley hoves into view from leftfield to deliver an out-of-the-blue anecdote about Martin Samuel. "He was inadvertently responsible for Michael Owen's only moment of public wit. It was during an England pre-match press conference. Samuel asked him if he thought the opposition (Albania) were going to be too easy for a team of England's calibre. Michael asked 'Why, are you playing?'." The sad thing is, that does indeed qualify as a zinger in the world of professional football.

53 min: Liverpool are very easy on the eye this evening, which is something that can't always be said. Torres cuts inside from the left, slips the ball to Babel, who flicks it on to Kuyt... who in turn flicks it on to Gerrard, on the edge of the box. His low, hard shot is palmed out by the superlative Casillas. "It's not just Cannavaro, but the whole of football that has sold its soul to the devil, or mammon at least," writes Chris Keelan. "AFC Liverpool, now that's the way to go. They had a narrow squeak against Darwen the other day."

55 min: From the edge of the area, Gago curls a delicious ball towards the top-right corner with Reina stranded in the middle of his box. If that's on target, it's going in - but it drifts inches wide of the post. That was a wonderful effort, and so unlucky.

57 min: Babel skins Pepe down the left and sends a fizzing ball across the face of the six-yard box. With Torres and Gerrard in the centre, Casillas kicks clear. He's man of the match without question, is Iker Casillas - and his team are 3-0 down.

59 min: What a reverse pass down the left wing by Alonso to release Aurelio; the full back wins a corner. It's his last act of the evening: he's replaced by Lucas, who is given an ostentatious cheer by the Anfield crowd - and rightly so, as he was greeted to a smattering of boos the other week against Sunderland.

61 min: Marcelo is booked for a late lunge on Mascherano. "Bring on Dossena!" screams Jeff Woodman.

64 min: The empty shell of Cannavaro jogs off, to be replaced by Rafael van der Vaart. This means Heinze is playing at centre back, a state of affairs which has the potential to get very messy.

66 min: Raul slots the ball home, but it won't count as the ref had long blown up for Skrtel's clumsy foul on Gago on the edge of the area. Sneijder's hoof from the set piece is still sailing over Stanley Park.

69 min: Van der Vaart nips between Skrtel and Carragher in the area, goes over, and claims he was sandwiched. The referee isn't interested whatsoever. Since Alonso went off, Real have enjoyed the lion's share of possession.

71 min: This is all Real now! Kuyt gives the ball away in midfield, allowing the away side to bomb up the pitch. Sneijder is in space on the edge of the area, but drags a dismal low shot wide left. "The commentator on ESPN just said that if Real come back in this match it will be 'the resurrection of the century'," reports James Wells. "Of the century? What 19th century resurrection am I missing would prevent this from being the resurrection of the last, say, 1977 years?"

73 min: With a must-win game at Old Trafford coming up on Saturday afternoon, Gerrard is rested. He's replaced by Jay Spearing. "This is precisely the kind of high-quality performance that sets us up perfectly for a 2-0 loss at Manchester United on the weekend," predicts Simon Hoyle.

76 min: Liverpool can't hold onto the ball at all. Luckily for them, Real Madrid need to score four to win.

77 min: Guti replaces Gago. Not a keystroke saved.

79 min: Higuain skitters down the inside-right channel but is hounded off the ball by Skrtel. The two get cakey with each other as they jog back up the pitch. Now, now.

80 min: For the second time this half, Raul should score from a right-wing Sergio Ramos cross. He misses from close range for the second time this half, though, heading powerfully over while standing by the left post.

81 min: Spearing wins a crunching tackle in midfield and sets off towards the Real box. He feeds Torres on the left, who switches feet and sends an effort curling towards the top right. Casillas - wonderful, wonderful Casillas - tips round the post. Amazing football all round, there. From the corner, Babel misses an easy chance, his effort so poor it's only fair not to describe it.

83 min: From a Real corner on the left, van der Vaart heads on to Higuain at the far post; the striker bundles the ball home, but he's well offside and the goal won't count.

85 min: CALLING JEFF WOODMAN! CALLING JEFF WOODMAN! Andrea Dossena is on, replacing Torres.

85 min and a bit: Dossena is booked for sticking his arm in Guti's face. How many goals do Real need again?

86 min: Seven million pounds, though.

88 min: ANDREA DOSSENA! SEVEN-MILLION-POUND WONDER!!! Liverpool 4-0 Real Madrid. Ha ha ha, what was that nonsense I was coming out with? Real, who have totally given up, give the ball away cheaply in the centre of the park. Liverpool are suddenly four on two! Babel scoots down the centre of the pitch. He sends the ball out right to Mascherano, who rolls it straight across into the box... where Dossena is on hand to sidefoot home brilliantly! Seven million pounds, did I say? Worth every penny.

90 min: Anfield is absolutely belting out You'll Never Walk Alone. "That's now Real Madrid, Barcelona, AC Milan, Inter, Juventus, Chelsea (twice) and Arsenal accounted for in the knockout stages since 2004-05," counts Dominic Kelly, using fingers on both hands and a length of string with knots tied in it. "Only Man Utd, Bayern Munich and perhaps Lyon of the 'big European clubs' to go?"

90 min +2: Skrtel sends Kuyt free down the right. Kuyt pulls the ball back into the centre for Lucas; the resulting shot is deflected and only just spoons over the crossbar with Casillas stranded. "The sound of our work telly isn't that good, so could someone please explain why Liverpool are playing Leeds tonight?" asks Arild Andersen.

FULL TIME: Liverpool 4-0 Iker Casillas +10 traffic cones. That was an outstanding performance by Liverpool. Real were absolutely dreadful, of course, but nobody could have lived with Rafael Benitez's side tonight. They were, to a man, superlative. Including Andrea Dossena. Especially Andrea Dossena. "You have, as you so eloquently put it earlier in the match," notes Øivind Idso, "proved that comedy is all about timing."

**Reece** · 11-03-09, 03:12 PM

Hahaha great read that

**Matt** · 11-03-09, 03:29 PM

haha quality, that Dossena stuff was class.

**Helios Creed** · 11-03-09, 09:06 PM

a lot of people bet on the fiver's bizarre predictions - if you put a tenner on us to win 5-0 (at full time) how much would you have won? Would have made for an exciting last few minutes, I suspect.

**The Red Cardinal** · 11-03-09, 09:36 PM

This is my favourite:

Guardian Link

David Pleat's piece headlined "Liverpool will let Real come at them and pounce on any loss of possession by the Spaniards"

To be fair to him it was probably a fair guess!

But just quite funny reading this kind of thing afterwards.

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Yesterdays Fiver (from guardian)

Yesterdays Fiver (from guardian)

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