Gerrard has BIG BALLS.
Gerrard’s ball-bursting trousers upstage four-goal Arshavin
Andrew Allen
Posted on: 22 April 2009 - 13:41
Jamie Redknapp set the ball rolling years ago, ‘big’ Dion Dublin raised the bar…but last night Steven Gerrard took the biscuit when it came to the unsightly combination of tight, shiny suit trousers and ball-bursting, on-screen, spread-leg posturing.
There can be few viewers of last night’s Sky coverage of Liverpool vs Arsenal who were not struck by the remarkably laid-back position which Gerrard took up alongside former Gunner Alan Smith, hairy-handed host Richard Keys and the aforementioned Redknapp. Four goal Andrey Arshavin may as well have handed the man-of-the-match champagne back to the studio; there was only one performance worthy of a glass of bubbly.
Had the injured Liverpool captain demanded as part of his appearance fee that the camera zoomed in on his camel-toed meat and two veg? It certainly looked that way. All I could think was, he’s playing it fast-and-loose with his ability to father anymore children. The only thing that was missing was a loving hand on his knee from Redknapp who spent so much of the evening salivating over the England international and attempting to wrestle the anchorman probing from the increasingly unpredictable Keys.
Let’s be honest Sky punters don’t pay their subscription fees to be flashed by twinkling slacks and bulging ball sacks. Is this where the money goes? Do they have these bespoke costumes knocked up by Rupert Murdoch’s wardrobe department?
Perhaps punishment enough for Gerrard’s gobsmacking louche pretence was the fact that his teammates were doing their best to throw away the league title right in front of his eyes. Squirming at the end of the game, despite Yossi Benyoun’s bundled equaliser, the talismanic midfielder maintained his pornographic legs-akimbo slouching even though you could tell he’d rather be bending over for an over-eager Customs & Excise officer.
With five games remaining of the league season the destination of the Premier League trophy looks to have been decided...all that remains 'up for grabs' is whether any ex-pros or injured stars will attempt to upstage Gerrard’s mighty meaty?
Comment