Luis Suárez

[dom9]

Yeah, thanks for that mate. Let me know when it is up to you

Sadly it will never happen.

[MrMichael]

I renewed the contract with a new clause: if we didn't enter the Champions League, I could go if they got an offer in excess of £40m.

Oh no you didn't Your club, the PFA, the Premier League and one would presume your own lawyers must have all told you that by now.

Besides, I thought that didn't matter because there was a "gentleman's agreement"? Or has he abandoned that one now too?

[Sarb]

Oh no you didn't Your club, the PFA, the Premier League and one would presume your own lawyers must have all told you that by now.

Besides, I thought that didn't matter because there was a "gentleman's agreement"? Or has he abandoned that one now too?

[Shaggy]

LFCZA @LFCZA
Tony Barrett - "#Suarez turned up to train alone at Melwood this morning The 26-year-old at 9.50am accompanied by his daughter, Delfina"

[SERVO2]

From Bleachers Report

Life After Liverpool: Excerpts from Luis Suarez's 2013-14 Diary


With his latest plea to be released from the shackles of a £6.2 million annual salary at one of the world's biggest clubs, it seems very unlikely that Luis Suarez will kick a ball for Liverpool again.

Keen to see what lies in store for the Uruguayan, B/R has hopped into its DeLorean time machine, gunned it to 88 mph and retrieved his personal diary for the 2013-14 season.

Here are some choice cuts.



Saturday, 17 August

Dear Diary,

Today, I am a happy man! Earlier this week, my transfer to Arsenal finally went through when Mr. Wenger agreed to hand over £40,000,001.01 to that dirty liar Brendan Rodgers. I know that's not as much as Real Madrid paid for the guy with the big ears who scored fewer goals than me, but that's not my fault. That's the English media's fault.

Anyway, I'm so happy, diary! Arsenal were my number one choice! Well, after Bayern Munich, of course. And PSG. And Barcelona. And Real Madrid. And both Milan sides. And Monaco. And Napoli. And Borussia Dortmund. But Champions League football, baby! This is what I deserve.

Later today we'll play our first game of the season against Aston Villa. I can't wait! I'm going to give it everything I've got...while I sit in the stands serving the rest of my ban!

I have to go now, Wojciech Szczęsny is looking at me funny. Note to self: pee-pee in Wojciech Szczęsny's Lucozade on Monday.



Monday, 19 August

Dear Diary,

Wojciech Szczęsny totally drank the Lucozade and didn't notice my pee! This is funnier than the time I put that flesh-eating virus in Diego Lugano's underwear!

Ah, I'm pretty great.



Tuesday, 20 August

Dear Diary,

I hate it here.

Mr. Wenger is a liar. When I first went to that horrible dusty room with him (What did he call it? Ah, yes, the Arsenal transfer fee negotiation room) he said I would be guaranteed to play five-a-side football in training this season. Today, I just ran around some cones, stamped on Szczęsny's Achilles tendon a few times then did some yoga! What's up with that? I'm Luis Suarez!

I had the opportunity to play five-a-side football in training at a number of big clubs, but I chose to stick it out here for nearly a week because of Mr. Wenger's promise.

I feel so hurt, confused and hungry. (Mr. Wenger only lets us eat macrobiotic miso soup from a test tube twice a day.)

Michael Dodge/Getty Images
I don't deserve this. I'm willing to go all the way to the Professional Footballer's Association about this one.

Excuse me, I need to call my agent. And The Guardian and The Telegraph.



Wednesday, 18 September

Dear Diary,

Ban over! Luis Suarez is back, baby! As mama used to say, you can't keep a good man down—even if he likes to bite people!

Later tonight I'll play my first game for the Gunners, and it's a Champions League match. Finally, a chance to show a new club how good I am so I can try and leave this horrible place in the winter! I deserve this.

I've been working so hard on my pace, my stamina and my referee deception in the past few months, tonight's opponents aren't gonna know what hit them! I think it's Galatasaray we're playing, but I don't see colours, I just see another opportunity to impress a new employer.

Tomorrow morning, I hope I make the back page of every newspaper that I hate so much.



Saturday, 2 November

Dear Diary,

I don't get why some football fans are so horrible to me. We played Liverpool at home tonight, and every single time I touched the ball, their fans booed me! After everything I did for them! I got them all the way up to seventh place last season and I only got banned for 13 games! What else did they want from me?!

So what if I constantly talked about joining other clubs? Do I come and boo at you when you tell the press about changing your job, Mr. Horrible Football Fan? I don't deserve this.

But I have much to be pleased about: I scored a goal and earned Glen Johnson a yellow card for fouling me. (Can you keep a secret, diary? Glen Johnson never even touched me!)



Wednesday, 13 November

Dear Diary,

I am back with my beloved Charrúas in Montevideo. Since we didn't feel like qualifying for the World Cup directly, yesterday we played an intercontinental playoff with Uzbekistan. Frankly, it was easier than a game of Words With Friends with Lukas Podolski, we won 4-0 and I scored twice! And I didn't have to make any handball clearances! Yes, I did just say that, diary!


(Getty Images)
Next week we have to go to Uzebekistan for the second leg. Mr. Wenger isn't happy about me being away so much. And Lukas asked me to get Borat's autograph. I haven't got the heart to tell him that Borat lives in Kazakhstan.



Saturday, 8 February

Dear Diary,

Today I returned to Anfield. It was not fun. The fans were super mean to me and even booed when I dived to win a penalty. They used to love it when I dived to win penalties! I really don't know what's gotten into them.

We drew 2-2 and Arsenal are currently four points off the pace of Champions League football.

Once again, Mr. Wenger has lied to me. He told me Arsenal would be in the Champions League until the end of time. It looks like I might have to find another club next year to play in this competition that I find extremely important for some reason. Oh that's right, the reason is money. I'm so silly sometimes!



Saturday, 26 April

Dear Diary,

I apologise for what you had to see today, but you are a jerk.

Sorry diary, I have to make apologies all the time but I'm still no good at them.

Anyway, as you know, I'm probably going to get another ban after what happened at the Newcastle game today.

He was provoking me for the entire match. He started trying to distract me while I was warming up, and kept trying to get in my head from the touchline throughout the game.

After I hit the post in the first half, my memory is hazy, but I know what I did. A switch inside me went off and the red mist descended. Yes, I bit Gunnersaurus.


(arsenal.com)
I feel quite terrible. As a prehistoric creature he's one of the few at the club who remembers the last time we won a trophy. I know he didn't deserve it. Since I only bit his tail, I'm hoping I'll get a lighter ban this time.

I just wish I'd bitten Szczęsny instead.



Sunday, 11 May

Dear Diary,

It's the last day of my ban for that whole Gunnersaurus thing, and also the last day of the season. But as I always say, a nice lengthy ban at the end of the season means a nice early summer!

Arsenal need to win at Norwich today to get a place in my beloved Champions League, but even if we get it, I still can't forgive Mr. Wenger for the whole five-a-side thing.

Looks like another summer of job-hunting for me! Oh, and a World Cup. I must remember to ask my agent how much I'm being paid to go to this one.

Oh diary, don't you just love being part of an industry that doesn't care if you have an appalling attitude and abhorrent track record of misconduct as along as you can score goals?

I deserve this.

[PTP]

Right, he did an interview with Marca. Tell me thats not done with an eye on Madrid

it's so desperate it's untrue - he's just ****ing whoreing himself around

[calvoboy]

1st September 2013 byline PA Sport - Luis Suarez has today parted company with his agent Pere Guardiola following his controversial failed attempt to secure a move away from Anfield this summer...more to follow

[PTP]

[Reece]

Wow - that's very interesting if true.

[Shaggy]

Is that not a prediction by calvoboy?

[calvoboy]

Sorry - just saw it on twitter and thought it was funny. How to **** up a transfer on behalf of your client. **** up a contract clause, alienate the club you're at, turn your client into even more of a pariah within the game than he already was, alienate half of your preferred destination club's supporters with your behaviour, then potentially fail to even get a move away at all. Some top work there from his agent. Compare that with the slickness of Bale's saga (and possibly Rooney's) where the players have barely said a word and maintain their reputation.

[edit - yes, it's the date that makes it funny, as in the morning after the window shuts and he's still here...]

[PTP]

Sorry - just saw it on twitter and thought it was funny. How to **** up a transfer on behalf of your client. **** up a contract clause, alienate the club you're at, turn your client into even more of a pariah within the game than he already was, alienate half of your preferred destination club's supporters with your behaviour, then potentially fail to even get a move away at all. Some top work there from his agent. Compare that with the slickness of Bale's saga (and possibly Rooney's) where the players have barely said a word and maintain their reputation.

[edit - yes, it's the date that makes it funny, as in the morning after the window shuts and he's still here...]

aha i see - it is funny and i agree with all your comments but i panicked and thougth i'd been in a coma for a month when i saw the date of the tweet

[Neil Young]

Wow - that's very interesting if true.

Sorry - just saw it on twitter and thought it was funny. How to **** up a transfer on behalf of your client. **** up a contract clause, alienate the club you're at, turn your client into even more of a pariah within the game than he already was, alienate half of your preferred destination club's supporters with your behaviour, then potentially fail to even get a move away at all. Some top work there from his agent. Compare that with the slickness of Bale's saga (and possibly Rooney's) where the players have barely said a word and maintain their reputation.

[edit - yes, it's the date that makes it funny, as in the morning after the window shuts and he's still here...]

It's actually the morning before, i.e. it shuts that night. I made the same mistake.

But yes, I can't believe Guardiola will retain both his client and his lawyer. He'll surely lose at least one.

[Reece]

Is that not a prediction by calvoboy?

Yes, and mine was the prediction of my response if his prediction came to fruition.

[Vermilion]

John Barnes was saying how fans have created the 'super player', in the way that they idolise one player so much more than any other, and that these players then tend to have a massivley over inflated opinion of themselves as a result.

Saying that though, it's probably a load of bollocks, as he said it on Talk Sport.