Everton Build Up

[Gibbo]

I agree but if he were out I'd go with

----------Pepe
Kelly Carra Skrtel Enrique
----Spearing- Lucas
Kuyt --Adam ----Downing
-------Carroll


or Drop Jay and go 442 with Kuyt up front with carroll

Any excuse for a formation .

I would probably go more 4-4-2, is is Gerrard def not starting?

[BringbackBiscan]

Moyes said: "I don't think I look with envy. I'm just stating facts. It has never been any different here."

"This time last year Liverpool weren't in great condition. They were maybe in a similar situation to us here where they were having to give money back to the banks.

Daft cunt

[Muddled]

7/1 for two red cards today ...

[Gibbo]

I saw that on Sky bet too Muddled, you backed it?

[Pablo]

Come on Snoop ...my life is on hold until I know the team

Same. Come on snoop, about time now fella. Put us out of our misery!

[Shaggy]

T14WSH Tage
Looks like Suarez rumours was all bollocks. Brilliant! Slurping for Red Men in Twelfth Man now. SG from start too? Sweet...

[Gibbo]

Yes Shaggers! Really really looking forward to this

[rodo]

bit of a long read but will pass the time before the teams announced

An old but never dated piece on our lovable neighbours for Derby Day.

I GUESS THAT’S WHY THEY CALL IT THE BLUES (or CLOSE THE DOOR ON YOUR WAY OUT)

We’ve all met them and cried with laughter at their strange view of the world.

If ever you get pissed off and depressed, if you accidentally follow through at a christening (come on we’ve all done it, no? – ok just me then) or feel the need to self harm from watching another Lenny Henry “funny documentary” about the rise of Two Tone and its influence on 1980’s yoof culture, just remember things could always be worse. You could be one of them.

Lets meet the contestants.

The Sound Blue (Becoming harder to find than rocking horse ****e)

Lets get this fella out of the way quick and get on to the loons. There are a few sound ones out there who you can talk sensibly with without them frothing at the mouth at the sight of anything red and white and them turning every conversation into a rant about Norwegians, the European ban, MEEERRRDERRERS and County Road. These lads are genuinely embarrassed at some of the ****e that their fellow blues come out with.

Sensible blues – I salute you – what a pity your mates are such a band of bellends, gob****es and out and out freaks.


The Psychopathic Referee Hater

You know the one. You can have a real laugh with him. He has a photographic memory of every refereeing injustice that the blues have suffered since footy began and even before then. He roams around the alehouse from conversation to conversation waiting for someone to vaguely mention referees.

Some unsuspecting fellas are having a bevy at the bar “How old’s your little lad now” “Nearly three” Then he pounces, “Did you say referee?”

Everyone knows what’s coming next. Take a step back and watch the poor ****er turn purple and gasp for breath as he quotes “Clive Thomas… Collina…. Clattenburg….. that ref off gladiators…. Eddie Waring off “It’s a Knockout”…. Clattenburg…… Len Ganley off the snooker….. “You are the Ref “in The Shoot……. Bamber Gascoigne……. Clattenburg……. The teacher off Kes in that footy scene…… The umpire from the 1988 Olympic Ice Hockey Final….. Clattenburg……. Jack Taylor in the 74 World Cup….. that ref in “Escape to Victory”…… Clattenburg….. Dickie Bird……, The Miss World Judging Panel….. The Parole Board ……. Some obscure ref you’ve never heard of who failed to give a cast iron penalty at the Street End for a tug on Kevin Richardson in a Milk cup tie against Stockport County in 1983 that they won 5-0 anyway, and Clattenburg”, for being “red****es” and ruining the Toffees’ chances of winning a trophy. Go for a ****e, and have a read of “Six in the City” in the Echo, come back to the bar and he’s still going – he hasn’t even noticed everyone’s gone..

Favourite Sandwich – Cheese and Pickle
Favourite Bee Gees Track – How Deep is your Love
Favourite cecks – Jumbo Cords


The Annoying Girlfriend

You’re having a relatively sensible talk with one of them about footy and you have sort of agreed that unspoken truce where you are deliberately not slagging each other’s team off as you want a proper talk and up she spouts “Dem Libpool players are all ****ing gorps. The ****ing state of them. And that ****in Alex Curran who does she think she is….” You look at him and he looks at you and you can see the embarrassment in his eyes. You both ignore her but she’s on a roll now. “That fat Spanish Waiter and what about ………zzzzzzzz. At this point you’ve stopped listening and you are daydreaming about something more interesting like that episode of Deal or No Deal where Trevor from Coventry and his wife with the walking stick dealt when they should have gambled and Noel’s insincere sympathy made your toes curl up in your trainees. You swig your pint in one and get off somewhere else leaving him with the foul mouthed orange skinned toffee woman thinking to yourself “Actually my bird is alright after all. I’m gonna give her a ring right now.”

Favourite Sandwich – Beef with Horseradish sauce
Favourite Bee Gees Track – Night Fever
Favourite cecks – Jarg pink velour “juicy” ones (a size too small) from Greaty

The Snidey ****er

This fella is alright………… when he’s on his own. You can have a pint and a laugh with him. But man does he show his true collars when he’s with a bigger number of blue****es.

The lad who usually seems quite sensible turns into a Tasmanian Devil of Liverpool hating bile. He has to prove to his fellow blues that he absolutely hates Liverpool more than they do. Watch as he actually changes his physical appearance and ends up spitting everywhere about Shankly, Emlyn Hughes, and Tommy Smith’s DHSS claim. Then laugh your cock off the next day when you blank the tit as he stands at the bar on his own (naturally) and tries to engage you in conversation as he forgets you’ve seen him at his worst. “**** off I’m trying to finish my crossword usually works for me”.

Favourite Sandwich – Corned Beef with Piccalilli (with bits in)
Favourite Bee Gees Track – “**** off Bee Gees – ****in red****es”
Favourite cecks – His cream chinos with turn ups


The History Teacher

The most boring tit in the alehouse. With his EFC polo shirt on IN THE ****ING SUMMER – THE SEASONS OVER YOU GONK – listen as he tells you for the thousandth time that there wouldn’t be a Liverpool FC if it wasn’t for Everton. Pretend to be interested as he talks you through each of Dixie’s sixty goals and Bob Latchford’s 30. Try to contain your excitement as he tells you that he actually met “Big Nev” as he was shopping in Cheshire Oaks once and don’t you dare spoil his story about that famous night at “The Old Lady” – you know the one THAT Night – Bayern ........... when they produced the greatest performance and comeback there has ever been. It was loud you know.

His only other interest is going the Bingo with his ma. Unbeknown to him even his ma’s mates take the piss behind his back and have vowed secretly that they are going to **** the two of them off should they ever win the big one – “we haven’t signed anything to say we must split the money with them. She’s alright its just that big soft get – why can’t he get a girlfriend””

Favourite Sandwich – Jam
Favourite Bee Gees Track – So You Win Again
Favourite cecks – Sensible grey slacks (with belt)


The Biggest Scouser in the World

In his UMBRO nylon tracky and minty gola trainees this biff is a “top scouser me lad”. Of course he doesn’t go any more because he’d rather watch it in the alehouse. He’s never been to Anfield because “I wouldn’t ****ing go to the ****ing tin mine” but he can tell you with absolute certainty that Anfield is full of wools, irishers and especially Scandinavians. His cousin works in the Holiday Inn and he told him that every night before Liverpool play there are 15,000 norwegians at least staying there.

His only ever girlfriend left him for a Liverpudlian years ago partly down to his lack of personal hygiene and partly due to the fact that she got fed up listening to him rambling on about Alex Young and the Ball Harvey Kendall season. “We are The Peoples Club Lad” is his catchphrase. Watch his face puzzle up as you ask him why the people aren’t actually going the game to watch them then and try not to laugh as he tells you that that is because Everton fans are all on the dole or skint – “proper scousers”.

Favourite Sandwich – Spam
Favourite Bee Gees Track – Stayin Alive
Favourite cecks – Umbro Trackies (One hand down the front)

Mr Superior

His take on things is that “anyone can support Liverpool but Evertonians are born not manufactured”. You see, because Liverpool actually win things we are not as good supporters as he is of his beloved blues.

Apparently winning trophies is not what we should be interested in. The only flaw in his argument of course is that he nearly soils his cecks with excitement when Everton get near to a semi final. Derby defeats only add to his warped view of the world that footy isn’t about winning its about suffering bravely in the face of cruel decisions and the “devils spawn”. He seems to believe that because he supports Everton he is somehow as worthy as those fellas in Mississippi Burning or Mother Teresa. He rambles on about the “big four” sucking the game dry and that the Champions League is ****e and he would hate Everton to be a club like us – of course his real problem is that its like a schoolboy who is desperate to go the party where all the decent birds are going to be and ends up being invited to one where its like that Monster Bar in Star Wars. One bad tit him.

Favourite Sandwich – Tuna (Only if its dolphin friendly)
Favourite Bee Gees Track – Anything that Robin has lead vocal on
Favourite cecks – Linen loose fitting three quarter length cargo pants

Kenny Rogers – The Gambler

This poor ******* has had too many disappointments. He starts every season with optimism that this is the year when his beloved blues regain “their rightful place”. He forces you to have a bet with him at the start of the season that they will finish higher than us and when you say “ok 20 quid” he says “what’s up are you scared make it a ton.” – You pretend to try to talk him out of it but you are secretly thinking to yourself - “Sound that’s a ton towards next years season ticket”.

Watch his demeanor change as the season comes to a close and he realises he’s going to have to pay you out again. I worked with one of these and I have got hundreds off the poor ****er over the years. I used to seriously beg him not to bet with me but he’d always say “I want to get my money back”. This poor ******* must on no account ever go to Vegas as he would simply back black all night as he can’t ever see that red must actually win now and again.

Favourite Sandwich – Black Pudding and bacon
Favourite Bee Gees Track – Anything that Robin doesn’t have lead vocal on
Favourite cecks – Black farah – 36 waist – 31 inside leg


The worm who turned

The unluckiest one of the lot. Born into a family of reds and a red up to the age of about 12 he had his head turned by a mate in school or a second cousin who he was unduly influenced by and became a blue. As decisions go its right up there with the guy who turned down the Beatles and the bloke who thought that he wasn’t going to go into business with “that Abramovich tit” after we leave Moscow university because “he’s a ****ing loser him”. Watch him when he’s pissed and see the hurt of all those years of what could have been. Years of happiness and jaunts to far flung places swapped for a few weeks of popularity with the school gonk or “Uncle Terry” who actually lost interest in footy not long after and became a big fan of American Wresting (especially Stone Cold Steve Austin) instead.

Favourite Sandwich – Sub of the Day
Favourite Bee Gees Track – Tragedy
Favourite cecks – Boot cut Matalan cargo pants - Brown

[Muddled]

I saw that on Sky bet too Muddled, you backed it?

Yeah, but only stuck a fiver on it. I think there will be a few rash challenges and the ref will look to even things out ... is kinda me justifying it!

I've also gone for Man Utd and Man City to win by three of more goals at 11/1.

Then I've pinched Shaggy's, a selection of yours and added Barcelona and Real Madrid to make up my accy!

[Chris]

According to that djphal fella

djphal01 Phil
Reina kelly skrtel carra enrique kuyt adam lucas downing suarez carroll Subs Doni flannigan coates stevie speo henderson bellamy

[Vermilion]

Suarez needs to keep a calm head today, they'll try all the tricks to get him to react imo.

[BringbackBiscan]

According to that djphal fella

djphal01 Phil
Reina kelly skrtel carra enrique kuyt adam lucas downing suarez carroll Subs Doni flannigan coates stevie speo henderson bellamy

Happy with this. Bellamy & Stevie off the bench to wrap things up.

[Pablo]

According to that djphal fella

djphal01 Phil
Reina kelly skrtel carra enrique kuyt adam lucas downing suarez carroll Subs Doni flannigan coates stevie speo henderson bellamy

Good team. Although I'm worried about Adam getting sent off again!

[Mostar]

According to that djphal fella

djphal01 Phil
Reina kelly skrtel carra enrique kuyt adam lucas downing suarez carroll Subs Doni flannigan coates stevie speo henderson bellamy

So same line up as against Wolves with the exception of Kuyt for Hendo.

Just like I predicted.

[Shaggy]

Happy enough with that, mainly delighted Dirk is in for Henderson, but worried about the 442 with Adam.