Fernando Torres

[Angryred]

from twitter

"hello it support"
"i've lost access to the net"
"ok can i ask your name please sir?"
"fernando torres"

lol!

[loki]

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/sport-headlines/torres-asked-if-he-has-any-other-skills-201103213646/

[Exiled_red]

[RoadEnd]

As my team in the fantasy football league has been jinxed from Day 1, I have transferred in Torres. This either means that he will be injured next match and out for the season or just won't score ever again. I've even made him Captain to make doubly sure.

[McDermotX]

I heard on SSN this morning that the Chavs are considering giving him the rest of the season off.

I thought they already had

Yeah...think they were quoting that fat **** Samuel in one of the papers, who's suggesting its the only way for him to go and find himself.


ahh.....the poor lamb. No doubt he'll still want his thousands of rouble a week while he off on his journey of enlightenment.

[RedReet]

As my team in the fantasy football league has been jinxed from Day 1, I have transferred in Torres. This either means that he will be injured next match and out for the season or just won't score ever again. I've even made him Captain to make doubly sure.

As mine has been blessed I transferred Kuyt in before United and Carroll in before City.

I also transferred Rooney and RVP in for the first weeks they started scoring.

[Craig_H]

On facebook:

Pitch Invading Bear more likely to score than Torres, say bookies

[meffin]

Deleted

[GTi]

Fernando Torres walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a couple of shots please." The barman says, "That's not like you."

[Mostar]

Few more if you like this type of jokes:


@BobbyNahal: Torres tries to hug his wife but she bounces off soon as they touch.

***

@MirrorFootball: Torres is petrified of being sent to a prison for dyslexics, which is why he's so desperately avoiding 'goal'

***

@vishu3362: Torres goes to a library and asks for a book on the net. Librarian says, "It's 12 yards in front of you."

@vishu3362: 90 minutes later Torres comes back and says, "I can't find it."

***

@ciaranTduffy: Torres has been trying to hit the door of his barn in the garden with a banjo but he keeps missing.

***

@MirrorFootball: Worried about her son, Torres's mum sends him to a careers adviser. All goes well until he asks: 'What are your goals?'

***

@MirrorFootball: Torres had a summer job on a very specialised fruit and veg stall. He was fired because he couldn't find the onion bag

***

@Pandaman_cometh: Torres has quashed reports that Stamford Bridge is haunted by saying "I can't find any ghouls"

***

@MirrorFootball: Torres was turned down for a role distributing medicine in Africa. The Red Cross complained he kept wasting all his shots

***

@MirrorFootball: Torres then applied to be a missionary but was again turned down because his conversion rate was atrocious

***

@keggers04: Torres turned down a presenting job on Mastermind because they changed the catchphrase to "I've started but can't finish."

***

@Pandaman_cometh: Torres recently lost his telesales job as he kept missing the targets

***

@AnnieEaves: Torres and Gomes would make awful fishermen. Torres can't get anything in the net and Gomes struggles to catch stuff.

***

@Tilley_96: @MirrorFootball torres has settled as a barman. He is good at putting shots over the bar

***

@MirrorFootball: There's a new downloading tool called BitTorres. It's rubbish though - after 12 hours waiting you still don't get any success

***

@MirrorFootball: Rumours are the new FIFA12 game has a special 'Torres mode' - when you select it, it's suddenly impossible to.... Oh, what's the use :P

[dom9]

Meh.

[Daniel 7]

They were trying too hard

[anfieldanfield]

Quite an astonishing stat doing the rounds.

According to Opta stats in total on Tuesday Torres ran 5.1km & Edwin VDS ran 5.2km!

[PTP]

****ing hell if that's true that is ****ing hilarious

[anfieldanfield]

****ing hell if that's true that is ****ing hilarious

Yeah.

Loads of people pointing out that Torres only played the first, but even so, a ****ing goalkeeper ran more than him!

I don't even remember VDS running out of his box many times

Bizarre.