Women's cricket - hilarious
BERMUDAN women can't bat and can't bowl. In perhaps the most inept display in the history of the game, Bermuda were bowled out for 13 before South Africa took just one ball and four minutes to win by 10 wickets in the opening game of women's World Cup qualifying at Stellenbosch University.
One of the standout performers for Bermuda was 42-year-old captain and opener Linda Mienzer, who lasted for 60 minutes and faced 48 balls but made just one run. All up, three Bermudan women made one run each, with 10 of their total of 13 coming from extras.
Still, Mienzer held her head high. "I am extremely proud and our team is very proud to be here," she said. "Just a year and a half ago, there was no women's program - so we went to Canada and qualified to come here, which is an achievement in itself. In terms of women's cricket in Bermuda, it has come a long way - but we still have a long way to go."
A very long way, going by the statistics. Mienzer finished with a strike rate of 2.08 and Bermuda averaged just 0.72 runs per over.
The islanders managed to get to 2-7 after the first 10 overs, and by the drinks break they had crept to 13-7. After refreshments, the baffled Bermudan batters returned to the wrong ends.
The minnows were no more impressive with the ball than with the bat. South Africa's total of 14 was made up of 10 extras - nine wides and a no-ball. Terry-Lynn Paynter opened the bowling attack - and closed it in the same over. South Africa's Olivia Anderson managed to reach one of Paynter's deliveries and duly smashed it for four.
Paynter, a 38-year-old police constable, has previously noted that women's cricket in Bermuda hasn't had a great history. In 2004, a women's inter-service league, made up of teams from prisons, police, post office and customs, was launched. When the posties and customs officers lost interest, the league folded.
"We wanted the services to come together, as the women didn't do much," Paynter said in an interview two years ago.
Next, they tried to organise something at club level. "We got a response from one or two teams but there wasn't enough to sustain a league," Paynter said.
It is not just the Bermudan women who are finding international cricket trying. The men's team did well to qualify for last year's World Cup, but also conceded 5-413 to lose by 257 runs against India - the biggest margin of defeat in one-day history.
Fortunately for the Bermudan women, their defeat will not be etched into the record books because they are ranked outside the world's top 10 countries.
SOUTH AFRICA v BERMUDA
At Stellenbosch University
BERMUDA
BatterRuns Balls
L MIENZER c Minnie b Loubser 1 (48)
W WOODLEY c Chetty b Smith 0 (14)
S ALBOUY lbw b Smith 0 (16)
M JACKSON lbw b Benade 1 (7)
TL PAYNTER lbw b Loubser 0 (8)
R RICHARDSON st Chetty b Loubser 0 (1)
R SMITH c Letsoalo b Loubser 1 (5)
N JONES b Loubser 0 (1)
A SMITH b Benade 0 (2)
C FURBERT not out 0 (4)
S TODD b Loubser 0 (3)
Sundries (2b 7w 1nb) 10
Total 13
Fall: 2 7 9 12 12 13 13 13 13 13.
Bowling: D Devnarain 5-2-6-0 (1nb 4w), A Smith 5-4-1-2 (1w), S Benade 4-3-1-2 (1w), S Loubser 4-1-3-6.
Overs: 18. Batting time: 77.
SOUTH AFRICA
BatterRuns Balls
OV ANDERSON not out 4 (1)
CS TERBLANCHE not out 0 (0)
Sundries (9w 1nb) 10
No wicket for 14
Fall: Nil.
Bowling: T Paynter 0.1-0-15-0 (1nb 9w).
Overs: 0.1. Batting time: 4 mins.
South Africa won by 10 wickets (with 296 balls remaining).
Toss: South Africa.
Points: South Africa 2, Bermuda 0.
One of the standout performers for Bermuda was 42-year-old captain and opener Linda Mienzer, who lasted for 60 minutes and faced 48 balls but made just one run. All up, three Bermudan women made one run each, with 10 of their total of 13 coming from extras.
Still, Mienzer held her head high. "I am extremely proud and our team is very proud to be here," she said. "Just a year and a half ago, there was no women's program - so we went to Canada and qualified to come here, which is an achievement in itself. In terms of women's cricket in Bermuda, it has come a long way - but we still have a long way to go."
A very long way, going by the statistics. Mienzer finished with a strike rate of 2.08 and Bermuda averaged just 0.72 runs per over.
The islanders managed to get to 2-7 after the first 10 overs, and by the drinks break they had crept to 13-7. After refreshments, the baffled Bermudan batters returned to the wrong ends.
The minnows were no more impressive with the ball than with the bat. South Africa's total of 14 was made up of 10 extras - nine wides and a no-ball. Terry-Lynn Paynter opened the bowling attack - and closed it in the same over. South Africa's Olivia Anderson managed to reach one of Paynter's deliveries and duly smashed it for four.
Paynter, a 38-year-old police constable, has previously noted that women's cricket in Bermuda hasn't had a great history. In 2004, a women's inter-service league, made up of teams from prisons, police, post office and customs, was launched. When the posties and customs officers lost interest, the league folded.
"We wanted the services to come together, as the women didn't do much," Paynter said in an interview two years ago.
Next, they tried to organise something at club level. "We got a response from one or two teams but there wasn't enough to sustain a league," Paynter said.
It is not just the Bermudan women who are finding international cricket trying. The men's team did well to qualify for last year's World Cup, but also conceded 5-413 to lose by 257 runs against India - the biggest margin of defeat in one-day history.
Fortunately for the Bermudan women, their defeat will not be etched into the record books because they are ranked outside the world's top 10 countries.
SOUTH AFRICA v BERMUDA
At Stellenbosch University
BERMUDA
BatterRuns Balls
L MIENZER c Minnie b Loubser 1 (48)
W WOODLEY c Chetty b Smith 0 (14)
S ALBOUY lbw b Smith 0 (16)
M JACKSON lbw b Benade 1 (7)
TL PAYNTER lbw b Loubser 0 (8)
R RICHARDSON st Chetty b Loubser 0 (1)
R SMITH c Letsoalo b Loubser 1 (5)
N JONES b Loubser 0 (1)
A SMITH b Benade 0 (2)
C FURBERT not out 0 (4)
S TODD b Loubser 0 (3)
Sundries (2b 7w 1nb) 10
Total 13
Fall: 2 7 9 12 12 13 13 13 13 13.
Bowling: D Devnarain 5-2-6-0 (1nb 4w), A Smith 5-4-1-2 (1w), S Benade 4-3-1-2 (1w), S Loubser 4-1-3-6.
Overs: 18. Batting time: 77.
SOUTH AFRICA
BatterRuns Balls
OV ANDERSON not out 4 (1)
CS TERBLANCHE not out 0 (0)
Sundries (9w 1nb) 10
No wicket for 14
Fall: Nil.
Bowling: T Paynter 0.1-0-15-0 (1nb 9w).
Overs: 0.1. Batting time: 4 mins.
South Africa won by 10 wickets (with 296 balls remaining).
Toss: South Africa.
Points: South Africa 2, Bermuda 0.
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