What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Mega-saur-ass
Mega-saur-ass
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Two fish in a tank,
One turns to the other and says
"How do you drive this thing?"Go **** yourselfComment
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Did you hear about the cowboy who went out dressed in brown paper?
They hung him for rustling!I like young women cos there stories are shorter!Comment
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whats mr t's favourite yoghurt?
a petit filous*
*say it in a mr t voiceFelching ≠ GerbillingComment
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Bloke walks into the pub with a giraffe.
THe giraffe lies on the floor and the man asks for a pint.
He downs it - and then subsequently orders another 2 beers.
He necks them then heads for the door.
THe barman shouts "Hey - you can't leave that lying there!"
"Its not a lion" he replied. "its a giraffe".
Bloke walks up to the bar and asks for a pint.
The barman says he needs to change the barrel and he'll be right back.
So the bloke waits for the barman to return and hears a voice say
"have you had your hair cut? It suits you."
"I also think you've lost a little bit if weight"
"And that new suit you're wearing really looks good on you!"
The bloke looks around but sees nobody.
Next, the barman comes back and the bloke asks him are there any ghosts in the pub coz he kept hearing these voices?
"No" said the barman. "It must've been the complimentary nuts".
Fella walks into a pub and up to the bar where a man is standing - with a big alsation sitting beside him.
"Does your dog bite?" he asked.
"No" he replied.
So he went to stroke the dog and it almost bit his fecking hand off!
"I thought you said your dog doesn't bite !!!" he wailed.
"He doesn't. THat's not my dog."Liverpool born and bred.Comment
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few dodgy chat up lines
You remind me of a spanner - everytime I look at you I feel my nuts tighten.
You've got mirror knickers - I can see myself in them.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.“At a football club, there’s a holy trinity - the players, the manager and the supporters. Directors don’t come into it. They are only there to sign the cheques”. Bill Shankly
You'll Never Walk AloneComment
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My Dad always said that laughter was the best medicine.
Perhaps that's why he died of tuberculosis
Q. Who's the fastest reader in the world?
A. Eric Clapton's son... he went through 30 stories in two seconds
What's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's mouth ?
Einstein's cock“At a football club, there’s a holy trinity - the players, the manager and the supporters. Directors don’t come into it. They are only there to sign the cheques”. Bill Shankly
You'll Never Walk AloneComment
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what do you call a blind deer with no legs????
A - still no eye deer
Mickey Mouse goes to his lawyer and say's "I want to divorce Minnie".
"Come into my office" replies his lawyer.
After talking for a while he says
"All right, let me get this right, you want to divorce Minnie beacause she's got buck teeth?"
Mickey replies "No, she's ****ing Goofy"
Q:What do you call a blind deer with no legs and has just has it's tooth punched out?
A:Still no bloody eye deer
Q. What did letter O say to figure 8 ?
A. Nice belt“At a football club, there’s a holy trinity - the players, the manager and the supporters. Directors don’t come into it. They are only there to sign the cheques”. Bill Shankly
You'll Never Walk AloneComment
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said "You've been promoted. And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again." And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said "You're managing director." and I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said "What happened to you?"
And I said "I careered off the road."
Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the shell station
A panda walks into a bar. It asked for a burger, shoots a man at the counter, and leaves. The next day, he does the same thing.
On the 3rd day, the bartender asks the panda why he does this.
The panda says, "Look up 'panda' in the dictionary and you'll find out why."
So the bartender looks up panda in the dictionary, and what does it say?
Panda: Eats shoots and leaves!“At a football club, there’s a holy trinity - the players, the manager and the supporters. Directors don’t come into it. They are only there to sign the cheques”. Bill Shankly
You'll Never Walk AloneComment
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Why does Barrymore have no ashtrays in his house?
A - He puts all the fags out in the pool!
2 Oranges walk into the bar
1 says to the the other "Your Round"El Nino!!Comment
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bit near the knuckle that one mate.Originally posted by rhys1989 View Post
Liverpool born and bred.Comment
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quite funny though........am I bad?Originally posted by Howard_lfc View Postbit near the knuckle that one mate.
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Baby Polar Bear: Am I really a Polar Bear?
Mother Polar Bear: Of course you are! Why do you ask?
Baby Polar Bear: Coz I'm bloody freezing.Well, here we are in a room with two manky hookers and a racist dwarf. I think I'm heading home.Comment
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I don't normally find jokes offensive, but that is one ****ed up jokeOriginally posted by rhys1989 View Post
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A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said,
"I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad at the same time".
The wife thought for a few moments, then said,
"Your cock's bigger than your brother's".Comment
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