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Kriss Akabusi

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    Haven't seen this one yet

    Akabusi had had a **** day. He'd spent the morning with his accountant Harvey Goldenblum and to put it bluntly he was ****ed. He had made some very bad investments in the last tax year - a bus tour for Tourettes sufferers to the Vatican had ended in an international situation and his collection of dildos modelled on his own gigantic black cock had gone into raw materials problems.

    His plans to put on a production of Towering Inferno on Ice with Colin Jackson in the lead role had been dashed. Two people drowned in rehearsals and the family were after him for compo.

    After a runwank in the park he decided to go to the zoo. He loved the zoo, it was full of animals throwing their own **** and spunk around. It reminded him of home.

    He wandered around the near empty zoo, his denim dungerees gently rubbing up against his slick, toned jet black skin and making his veiny python twitch like Ali at an Olympic opening ceremony.

    He bypassed the chimps, they disgusted him and he made his way to the elephant enclosure. When he got there he spied that there were no punters around so let slip his dungerees and exposed his naked skin to the cool air of this January afternoon. As he stood there looking like a chocolate tripod, an observer may have mistaken this figure for a baby elephant. With two legs. And who was black.

    As per usual, he hopped over the railings, briefly feeling the barb wire scrape his heavy ball sack like nails down a blackboard. As he landed he heard a voice "Oi, you. Get the **** out of the elephant enclosure, you ****er".

    Akabusi had only been caught at the zoo once before when he had sat in the reptile area and had several unsuspecting nuns stroke his throbbing colossus. As he turned he saw a female games keeper, her coarse khaki shirt and shorts clearly concealing epic bristols and he hoped at least one usable hole.

    "Oh, it's you, Kriss" she said in a voice as smoky as Roy Castle's lungs. As she told him off, Akabusi knew she was looking at his pumped torso and his increasingly engorged black magic. He knew also that she was becoming more turned on and wet than a homosexual at a Barrymore pool party.

    "You better put that away" she said pointing her rake at his cock. "It's making Mumbles the elephant jealous".

    Within a split second he ripped open her khaki shirt to expose two huge tits that were so hard and muscular you could put them on a nightclub door and there would be no trouble. "Why don't I hide 'this' up your clunge!" roared Akabusi like a black panther with his nuts caught in a slammed Tom Clancy novel.

    The zookeeper let slip her shorts letting the air attend to a pussy so hairy it looked like a mammoth with labia for legs. Peeping out from the bush was a clitorus so big and meaty it wouldn't have looked out of place hanging on a hook in Smithfields. Akabusi hadn't seen anything like it since he'd been "surprised sexed" by Judy Oakes.

    Within seconds his ebony trunk became more full of blood and muscle than the aftershow at Britain’s Strongest Man.

    Akabusi took a deep breath and plunged into her hole like Albanians through the Chunnel. Her skin was so rough it was like having angry sex with a sander going at full pelt, but Akabusi loved it. He loved it rough. And this was rough.

    Around the zoo animals scurried for cover, some even choosing to leave and join the circus with Jeremy Beadle, as Akabusi and the zookeeper’s cries rocked the trees and cages like a bunch of Jews at an adulterer trial.

    Within a matter of hours it was all over, the zookeeper’s body lying strewn on the straw, a pile of spunk, hair, muscle and animal feed. The zookeeper mustered her last remnant of strength and rolled up her clit and crawled away from Akabusi.

    Akabusi bounded to his feet, his spirits enlivened by this classic intercourse. “**** the tax man!” he thought. If he wanted to fund another musical based on the life of Daley Thompson he ****ing would. He wrestled his seeping cock back into place as he pulled his favourite dungarees on. He caught up with the escaping keeper by following her trail of clunge suds and bent down and whispered “Awooga” in her ear and patted her on her fanny.

    The End.

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      [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPmiiof7Zk8&feature=youtube_gdata_player"]YouTube - Tower of ******s - A Shredded Mess of Manfat, Baby Oil, Matted Hair & Rice[/ame]
      Trey Nyoni: countdown to stardom- 2 years 1year 0.5 years

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          Akabusi opened his front door to let his manliness sway gently in the cooling autumn breeze. As he did he was surprised and horny to find the doorstep already occupied by a pair of spectacles, two bristols whose landmass more than lived up to their namesake, and what he could only assume was a clunge dripping with goose fat.

          "Awooo-"

          "Let me stop you right there, Mr Akabusi," said the face he'd only just noticed beneath the spectacles. "I am here to serve you with a £756,000 sexual harassment lawsuit." The lawyer had all the sex appeal of a shaved tigress on heat whose babies had just been eaten.

          As he came to grips with the situation and, inevitably, his shaft, Akabusi's world began crumbling like a leper kid on a bouncy castle. "But have you seen my fine pinstripe dungarees?" he asked hopefully.

          "Let me assure you, Mr Akabusi, that I am one of the few women for whom your dungarees hold little interest," she said, eyeing his dungarees with interest.

          It was then that Akabusi knew that he owned this woman in the most Joseph Fritzel of fashions. He had only to slip out of his dungarees and lay down, there and then.

          The lawyeress leapt onto him, hiking up her skirts in midair, and plunged down onto his manliness like Excalibur in reverse. Somehow she manhandled his moustache in just the way he liked and he came faster than he ever had before.

          Five hours later, when it was over, he pulled out and proceeded to wipe the tip of his manflesh on the legal documentation. Finally he bent down, whispered "Awooga," in her ear, and respectfully slid the rolled up documents into her still quivering fanny, giving them a fond pat home.

          She stared at him like the scientific marvel he was as he closed the front door behind him. "Awooga, Mr Akabusi," she whispered, "Awooga."

          Comment


            who writes this ****....lol?

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              Originally posted by TJJ View Post
              Akabusi opened his front door to let his manliness sway gently in the cooling autumn breeze. As he did he was surprised and horny to find the doorstep already occupied by a pair of spectacles, two bristols whose landmass more than lived up to their namesake, and what he could only assume was a clunge dripping with goose fat.

              "Awooo-"

              "Let me stop you right there, Mr Akabusi," said the face he'd only just noticed beneath the spectacles. "I am here to serve you with a £756,000 sexual harassment lawsuit." The lawyer had all the sex appeal of a shaved tigress on heat whose babies had just been eaten.

              As he came to grips with the situation and, inevitably, his shaft, Akabusi's world began crumbling like a leper kid on a bouncy castle. "But have you seen my fine pinstripe dungarees?" he asked hopefully.

              "Let me assure you, Mr Akabusi, that I am one of the few women for whom your dungarees hold little interest," she said, eyeing his dungarees with interest.

              It was then that Akabusi knew that he owned this woman in the most Joseph Fritzel of fashions. He had only to slip out of his dungarees and lay down, there and then.

              The lawyeress leapt onto him, hiking up her skirts in midair, and plunged down onto his manliness like Excalibur in reverse. Somehow she manhandled his moustache in just the way he liked and he came faster than he ever had before.

              Five hours later, when it was over, he pulled out and proceeded to wipe the tip of his manflesh on the legal documentation. Finally he bent down, whispered "Awooga," in her ear, and respectfully slid the rolled up documents into her still quivering fanny, giving them a fond pat home.

              She stared at him like the scientific marvel he was as he closed the front door behind him. "Awooga, Mr Akabusi," she whispered, "Awooga."
              Thanks very much for being ‘This Mornings’ Farmer’

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                They're back
                Trey Nyoni: countdown to stardom- 2 years 1year 0.5 years

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                  particularly love how she comes into his house, and then at the end he leaves and she stays.
                  dave of mutilation

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                    Best debut post I've seen
                    Hello mert.

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                      Oh my god these are ****ing awesome.

                      "...an epic swindle..."

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                        is on celebrity come dine with me now, awooga
                        Polymetal Allooyy

                        Xbox Live: Booshanker

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                          Haha...love em all!
                          Nope, don't need anger management, you just need to stop pissing me off!

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                            His book is available to download free: http://www.lulu.com/product/ebook/ro...en%29/16320851

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                              I emailed him a while back to see if there's gonna be a physical copy. Said he was working on it. I want one for my coffee table
                              Thanks very much for being ‘This Mornings’ Farmer’

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                                Originally posted by Pablo1981 View Post
                                His book is available to download free: http://www.lulu.com/product/ebook/ro...en%29/16320851

                                Thanks mate.

                                I can't wait to have a gander through this. I'm going to print it off and bind it together with treasury tags.

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