Kriss Akabusi

[Shaggy]

Football 365, and I'm also a member of the Kris Akabusi AWOOGA group on Facebook.

[Guest]

Football 365, and I'm also a member of the Kris Akabusi AWOOGA group on Facebook.

You'll have to send me an invite for it, that should be good fun.

On a side note, did you receive the packet mate ?

[Shaggy]

You'll have to send me an invite for it, that should be good fun.

On a side note, did you receive the packet mate ?

Oh ace, forgot about that. Not received anything yet mate.

[Guest]

Oh ace, forgot about that. Not received anything yet mate.

Post Office

Sent it more than 2 weeks ago. Anyway, let me know if it comes.

[Shaggy]

Post Office

Sent it more than 2 weeks ago. Anyway, let me know if it comes.

TWO WEEKS! Haha, never mind. Surely it'll be here soon.

[Shaggy]

AWOOOOOOOGA!

[cadmium]

AWOOOOOOOGA!

I'd forgotten about the Akabusi stuff, absolute quality!

[PTP]

quality - joinin the akabusi fan club on face book now.

[Joe Le Toff]

Akabusi sat in the back of his Corsa watching Loose Women on his black and white portable. He hadn't seen this many mouthy c**ts since he f**ked all of B*witched at Ainsley Harriot's barbeque in Staines. That had ended in bloodshed and he knew if he watched another minute of this menstrual backwash he would have to take a life.

It was piping hot in the motor, Kriss never opened the windows and the air con was like a war veteran with emphysema trying to blow out a dropped John Player Special. Busi was wearing his spring wardrobe - crushed tan linen dungarees which were more breezy than a French cheese shop. The air was creeping in around his sleeping genitalia and tickling his taut black curlies like a favourite uncle at a niece's birthday party.

Akabusi turned the telly off, he was depressed. That morning he had given a motivational speech to a large group of deaf young achievers in Stevenage and he spent an hour pumping his fist and mouthing "Awooga". Which wasn't far removed from his usual routine. Kriss had wondered what these f**kers would achieve anyway other than playing the xylophone really fast and signing Open University programmes about ants. When they didn't clap Busi had stormed out without even flashing his chocolate donger. He'd stuck a fat index at them. It was the only language they understood.

To cap it all he looked down on his weeping dark colossus and realized it hadn't supped at the frothing fountain of a ladies clunge for over two days. His fat balls were more full of tadpoles than the Blue Peter pond after Peter Duncan dared to have a w*nk into it. He needed to unsheath his meat drill bit and screw something into a wall soon or he feared a bigger cum explosion since Paris Hilton made herself sick before lunch.

He got out of the car as a bucket full of crumbs from the ten Greggs Steak Packs he devoured quicker than the North Sea eats oil rig workers dropped to the ground. He looked around at all the other cars parked up at The Priory and laughed a deep and dark laugh that set off a few alarms. When you had a plonker like Busi's you didn't need a Hummer to get pussy, pussy came to you. In your '91 Vauxhall Corsa. He was at The Priory to see poor old John Regis whose OCD had gone ballistic since he was turned down for a part in the sequel to the Greek fight flick 300. 301 was a perfect project for Regis and his rampant OCD would have been helped exactly 3021 times more than the cocktail of drugs he swallowed every morning.

"This is Regggggggggggggggiss" was the last thing Akabusi heard as Regis was carted off in The Priory's white Escalade ambulance outside Kriss's £127,983 mansion in Luton. If Roger Black had been there then maybe they could have saved the huged chested blubbering fool but Black was in Tehran about to poison that President Inmydinnerjacket or whatever that guy who looked like a minicab driver in a £10 Spastic Society suit was f**king called. It had meant cancelling four JJB Sports opening events and one signing at a Maplins in Letchworth but work was work.

Akabusi strolled into the clinic, his midnight pussy piercer slapping against his toned inner thighs like Collymore on Jonsson. The Armani clad nurses stopped administering placebos to cigarello thin models to watch as Busi headed for the John Paul Getty ward with the confidence of a man with a gold medal and a brown wheelie bin in his dungs.

The attention sent a spark down his body and his meat twitched to a semi and he knew that if he had a look it would now be the size of two kingsize Mars bars wrapped together with fat veins. He let slip the confines of his linen dungs and let the imported air of the clinic cling to his toned onyx chassis to Ciccone to black babies. Regis was sitting at the window of his oak panelled room wearing a Maria Grachvogel clincal gown and was busy counting the reality stars ghost writing their autobiographies in the grounds. "97, 98..." wept Regis as he heard the unmistakable sound of flesh against flesh that meant Busi was in the room.

They embraced. They weren't sh*t pushers or anything but the touch of Olympian on Olympian seemed to cheer up the vacant Regis. "What the f**k have they got you on, John?" roared Kriss with all the power of a Spartan attacking a Ginsters concession. "Karl Malden, Kriss. f**k knows" said Regis as he secretly counted the bristles of Akabusi's immaculate tache.

"Get the f**k out of here, Mr Akabumbum" said a voice from behind the boys which was a smooth as a babies arse but without the skid marks. Akabusi was almost at full lob as he turned to spy a nurse clad in a tight white tunic that Busi was sure concealed a pair of bristols so epic that Cecil B Demille made her bras. If Kriss's pussy senses were right and they always f**king were he suspected that joining those tits was a clunge as wet as a Norwegian work experience chap.

Busi knew at that precise moment he had to get Regis out of this c**t soup factory but he also knew that he had to bash this nurse's doors in like coppers visiting a Rasta temple. Before this thought even left his brain to tell his balls the nurse had ripped the tunic from her hard body and let the buttons fly across the ward. The combatants faced each other, Akabusi looking like a brown capital T on it's hind legs and her like a naked woman with nice tits.

Akabusi pounced on her like a fat person devouring a buffet of obesity genes and within seconds he was sliding the length and breadth into a glistening hole that had previously been as unable to open as a bacon sarnie stall at Golders Green tube station. As she reverse cowgirled him he was faced with a tight little arse hole that looked like an 80 year old whistling. Busi called to Regis to come over and stick his pinky up it. Struggling with his OCD, John finally couldn't resist and slipped it up to his Liz Duke signet. This was progress. And it made the nurse yelp like a dog being kicked.

Within hours Akabusi was on his violent vinegars and let fly with a gush that looked like a dam letting off pressure. The nurse slide all over the floor looking like she had just had union with Slimer.

"Pack your Transformers rucksack Regis. We're f**king out of here" cried Akabusi as he rolled up his brown St Bernard cock and popped on his linen dungs. Busi wanted to get to a party near Durham he'd heard of on Myspace, it was called "House Rape" or something and he knew that sounded quality.

Akabusi looked down on the twisted pile of dying giant sperm, matted blonde hair, Prozac pies and a clunge so wasted it should be in The Priory, he bent down, whispered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.

The End.

[Diego]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPHIbugO5Uk

[Shaggy]

***NEW STORY***LOTIONS 13***

Akabusi stepped out on to the balcony of his £10 a night luxury apartment and watched as the sun went down on the horizon like a missus looking for new shoes or Charlton. Regis had spent the afternoon throwing waterbombs onto guests below, 346 to be exact and was now curled up on the shag sleeping like a baby in the Algarve. Black was cutting the air with the sounds of his knife sharpening. Everything was as it should be.

Except Busi was bored. The last few weeks had been sh*te since the boys had gone up in the vomit comet with Stephen Hawkings over in Florida. What with Stephen and poor old deluded Regis it had been like looking at floating vegetable soup but the "kids" had had fun and Kriss had been fascinated by the gush of hot knacker suds he'd ejected into the air when the flying air hostess had pierced his NASA dungarees and slipped her index up his april. Busi just wished she hadn't been wearing so many rings.

Since then Busi had opened eight JJB Sports and one Maplins after giving a motivational speech to some young offenders in Guantanamo Bay. "Don't let the f**kers get you down" was the core message as he pumped his fist and shouted some of John Fashanu's slogans. However Busi wanted to Git Mo.

Get more pussy. His sloppy black anaconda hadn't tasted clunge custard for 8 days and his balls were heavier than Murat's conscience. Only the night before he awoke in a sweat and was sure that his onyx plonker had been trying to strangle him. When he ficked on the light, the pussy pounder had been whistling nonchalantly at the end of his walnut effect kingsize. This was a worrying development.

This morning Regis had walked in with some tarty piece from the docks and offered her up to Busi as a sacrifice. She was rougher than a main road in Blackburn, Lancashire and when unwrapped and held up to the light had a fanny like Louis Armstrong's face after a punch up. Busi and Regis couldn't even get to semi status and Black had barged in and chucked her over the balcony. Into the pool. Or into the car park. They hadn't checked.

To cap it all Regis had become addicted to Facebook, stalking old primary school friends and his fellow inmates at the Norris McWhirter Celebrity Day Centre in Mitcham. He currently had no friends or pokes but had hit F5 84,970 times. One step (avoiding cracks in the pavement) at a time.

Busi slipped into his crisp tuxedo dungs letting the cool evening air from the Croisette slip bewtixt his ebony mainframe and the silk lining encircling his big twig and big berries like pikeys around something burning. They were all in Cannes for the premiere Akabusi's latest grasp, stab or snatch at celebrity - a caper movie called "Lotions 13". Featuring Busi, Black, Regis and a gang of other athletes turned motivational speakers it was "disgraceful romp" about a robbery on a JD Sports in Letchworth run by Shadow from Gladiators. It was unmitagated sh*te and a "disgraceful mess" but Harvey Goldenblum, Busi's agent and accountant, had promised huge tax dodges and that was enough for Kriss.

Busi and his entourage hit the narrow streets down to the waterfront with all the swagger and cocksurednessness of a pack of bulls heading to a china shop convention. Apparently the Palais cinema was booked for a film called "Ocean's 13" starring Brad Pitt and John Fashanu or Benrie Mac so the glistening premiere of Lotions was at a small sex kino in a back alley of a back alley called Sinstadts. If all the suds had been cleared from the floor and walls they might be in with a chance of not catching anything.

The two foot of red carpet, which Busi knew was just lino covered in blood, was packed with one photographer and that gobby c**tbag Carla Romana who looked like Fagin's skeleton wrapped in roast chicken skin. "Have you got a quote for GMTV, Mr Akabumbusiki?" shrieked Carla. "Yeah,Carlo" roared Busi with all the might of 299 Spartans and Rusty Lee on a stag weekend in Hades. "If I had one bullet and a gun, I would shoot June Sarpong MBE through the head...as long as you were right behind her". Within seconds Romana had disappeared and Roger Black had a smile wider than Jodie Marsh's arsehole.

The cinema was sticky. But full of German buyers who loved anything with a hint of scat or with athletes. Akabusi and the gang stepped onto the revolving stage that only minutes before had featured an act with a banana, a basketball and a litre of Durex Play. As Harvey, still attached by handcuff to Met Police officers, announced the film and the numerous tax packages included Busi noticed someone enter the cinema with sunglasses bigger than a huge mutant sunbathing fly.

Angelina Jolie had shot a small cameo for "Lotions 13" - she was in a scene with Jonathan Edwards and Iwan Thomas at a Brantano megastore in Hemel. Busi never shared the screen with her and it hurt his cock and balls like a rendition flight from Poland.

Angie joined Busi on the revolving and they air kissed with air kisses more loaded than Reed on Aspel. Busi could feel his plonker filling with more blood, cum and vinegar than a gay knife fight outside a chippie van. He was harder than a thaldomide playing baseball and he knew beneath her lush yellow dress from Mark One was a pair of bristols like two Moby's with half cooked quails eggs frying onto of them and a clunge hotter than the poop deck on the Cutty Sark.

"What about Bart, Ange?" cried Busi as he slipped out of his tux dungs and let the sausage breath of the assembled krauts swirl around his chassis like novelty towels on sunbeds. "Brad is dead to me, Krisstopher. Once you've had Ak you never look back" slurped Angelina with a drawl as sultry, hot and full of danger as a curry in Tarrant's local Indian.

She dropped her drawers and the sex Olympians stood opposite each other naked, Busi like a chocolate Palme D'Or and her like a naked movie star with a glistening axe wound wetter than Ellen McaArthur's blog. Kriss leapt on her like Sky News on anything with a glass eye and tore into her creamy whiteness like Womb Raider II.

Within hours Busi was on his Oscar winning violent vinegars and let fly with such a gush of ball cream the German buyers thought they were watching the parting of the Red Sea in negative. On the miniscule screen "Lotions 13" had only got to the scene where Tanni Grey Thompson was set alight and pushed into a Barratt's shoe shop in Penge. It had nothing to do with the plot but the crowd didn't mind. This film was going to be bigger than a gigantic Jesus. People were already murmuring about MTV Movie Awards.

Akabusi hopped off the revolving stage and slipped back into his sodden dungs, placing his battered dickie back into it's bag and called to his gang of 13 athletes. They were all going to see the new Wong Kar Wai film at the skin cinema next door.

Kriss looked down on the twisted pile of matted brunette hair, creamy white tits, problems with her father, brown orphans and a clunge like a burst beanbag, knelt on his powerful black knee, whisphered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.

[Shaggy]

Akabusi was in the shower. Crying. And w*nking. In fact there was liquid coming from every orifice. He hadn't felt this bad since he'd watched an hour and a half of Britain's Got Talent. It was that bad. He had travelled to Los Angeles for the funeral of international businessman Vincent MacMahon who had tragically and spectacularly exploded on an episode of some wrestling show.

Busi had done a lot of work for the WWF back in the day - once arranging a fight in a skip near Luton between Hulk Hogan, Sir William Regal and an endangered panda. The panda had sh*t moves and had taken a severe beating from Regal leaving it with two black eyes. Busi had withdrawn his support of the wrestling/animal charity not long after.

The funeral had been a sombre affair. Live on cable. Many of the wrestling world's best wrestlers had carried MacMahon's walnut effect coffin and then chucked it into the grave. Mourners then ceremoniously smashed a metal chair or bin onto the coffin as Journey played soft rock classic Don't Stop Belie-

Whilst eating a Powerade vol au vent at the wake at a titty bar Busi's agent had called him with the news that "Lotions 13" had been creating quite a buzz. Mainly because it was a big steaming pile of sh*t but also due to the fantastic tax dodging opportunities it offered. The producers of Hulk II were interested in speaking to Kriss about greening up to play Dr Krisstopher Banner. If the money and tax breaks were right Busi was in but he wanted to play it black and not green so the production company told him to stick it up his arsehole and offered it to John Regis or failing that Jonathan Edwards.

Black and Regis were out in LA with Busi and the entourage had been tearing up LA like Portugese coppers in brush land. Regis' rampant OCD was exactly 873 times better and out here in LA LA land Regis was considered a balanced individual. But a black one. Black had been hooking up with his crew from the Rollin 60 Neighbourhood Crips, although out here they called them chips Busi had learned. Black had put more caps in arses than George Michael on tour and the heat had forced the Busi posse to take refuge in the Mondrian.

So here Busi was in the hot stream of a Hans Grohe struggling to get blood into his ebony pussy pestle as his massive hands moved quicker than an Albanian at a Presidential walkabout. To make matters much much worse, his onyx boa inflictor hadn't felt the sweet touch of a lady's tight white clunge piece since he'd surprise sexed the Virgin Atlantic stewardess as she given him Reiki over Newfoundland. Busi had it all. But he wanted more. More pussy.

To cheer himself up and get Regis out of the wardrobe, Roger Black had arranged for Busi to deliver one of his magnificent and hugely expensive motivational speeches at a local prison. A woman's prison. As Regis towelled down the sleek, jet black chassis of Mr Krisstopher Akabusi, the thought of pumping his fist and shouting slogans at a room full of caged heat was too much to take and he had hit John in his eye with his inflated helmet. Just like Barcelona in 92. Maybe he would get some LA gear after all, Busi mused as he slipped into his Armani dungerees he snagged from TK Maxx.

As Busi, Black and poor demented Regis pulled up to the Century Regional Detention Centre in Lynwood in there hired convertible Corsa they could all smell the accrid stench of unpounded pussy and the sweet aroma of women slipping more fingers and tongues than a professional stamp sticker. Busi wanted to high ten but choose a five to appear cool.

They checked in, received some prison issue mirrored shades and waited in the back stage area whilst Busi ran through an arm pump, an Awooga and a Awwwwwiggght in front of Black's sunglasses. Regis had totally covered himself in a map of the prison but he was too scared to get a Schofield so he had transfers. In the LA heat he now looked like a panther who had rolled in a Hello Kitty collection.

The crowd were baying for Busi and when he emerged in his ermine dungs wearing his Olympic medal the place erupted like Palestine. He hadn't seen this many women with tats, piercings and buzzcuts since he went to the Melanie C comeback concert. There were "women" here rougher than Barrymore's chair leg and just as dangerous. Regis was sweating so much he was now standing in a pool of ink and Black kept his hand firmly on his ivory handled Glock.

Many of the deep C divers were touching themselves and others whilst Busi spun out his usual brand of David Coleman anecdotes and lispy bullsh*t. By the end of the 5 minute speech the gang of tail didn't even clap, they squelched. And that was enough for Busi. He let slip his dungs and felt the fabric slide past his smooth toned thighs. He stood there for a moment looking like a beautiful chocolate elephant with it's back legs and torso chopped off. Then the riot started.

With two women dead and fourteen guards severely raped the posse took refuge with the prison padre Father Ignatious O'Reilly. "Mr Akabumbum. Despite your naked torso causing the biggest riot since that Ikea opened in Edmonton I would like you to visit one of our poor prisoners on Death Row. I think she would appreciate your kind words...and your giant cock".

Prisoner 9818783 or Paris Hilton as she was know around here, cowered in her cell as the riot took off. Busi stood at the bars his grumbling fire hose twitching like Lubbock after a belly flop. Busi knew that beneath that Gucci orange jump suit was a pair of tits so small that her cell walls were jealous and a clunge as well thumbed as the lingerie section of a Freemans. Her stylist and PR let Busi into the cell and Paris dried her eyes with a silk do-rag. Kriss knew that The Hilt had seen more mileage than the McCann European Tour but he still wanted in. Up to his ginormous nuts.

Paris knew the drill. She peeled off her Gitmos and exposed a tanned torso that had seen more action on the internet than Pete Townsend and Leslie Grantham put together. Apart from the golden mane that topped her pin like head there wasn't a hair on her body. Busi thought he was looking at a shaved kitten and in a way he was.

Blood filled his plonker quicker than Simon Weston turning on the cold tap. He leapt on her like Hamas on Gazza and thrust his penal colony right up to her stapled stomach. Busi thought he heard a "prison break" somewhere down below but he liked a bit of blood with his pudding. Hilton was open for business and all her rooms were kingsize.

Within hours Krisstopher was on his violent vinegars and let fly with such a stream of knacker lava that Paris's spray tan was stripped from her boney body and for a brief moment the prison riot was quelled - a little in awe and a little in disgust.

Busi rolled up his heiress aerator and watched as the last of his giant spunks flipped and flapped around on the cold stone floor of Lynwood. Regis and Black had gotten a call from Robbie Williams to play football against Rod Stewart up in the Hills. Busi knew that the buffet at these things was always quality so they had no time to lose. And the prison was on fire.

"Good luck Hilt. You f**king idiot. Do your time with some dignity and don't bend over in the showers. Or the internet. Peace out" roared Akabusi with all the might of Brian Blessed with his nuts caught in the Complete Works of Shakespeare.

Busi looked down on the twisted pile of matted blonde hair, hotel reservations, dying tadpoles, rice and tiny tits, bent down on his powerful Olympian knee, whisphered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.

The End.

[Joe Le Toff]

Blood filled his plonker quicker than Simon Weston turning on the cold tap. He leapt on her like Hamas on Gazza and thrust his penal colony right up to her stapled stomach. Busi thought he heard a "prison break" somewhere down below but he liked a bit of blood with his pudding. Hilton was open for business and all her rooms were kingsize.

Superb

[Shaggy]

Akabusi was trapped. In the storeroom. Of a JJB just outside of Luton. And he had just farted. The fragrance of his arse bomb was stronger than a Glaswegian Ramp Assistant and the smell would have pulled the skin back on his plonker if he hadn't already pulled it back. To pass the time.

Harvey Goldenblum, Busi's agent and confidante, had always told him that he was a potential target for extremists. People were jealous of a man who unzipped his dungs and instantly broke paving stones. So when a copper had burst into the grand opening of this palace of tracksuit bottoms and Gola trainers and announced that a suspect package was outside, Busi hadn't been surprised. He had always known this day would come.

The last few weeks had been omnious. Regis had spent exactly 5678 minutes building Krisstopher a Busi size FleshLight out of a stainless steel bin and some stolen ballistics gel. Regis had modelled the clunge piece on Mick Jagger singing Gimme Shelter and the clit had been fashioned from a mould of Judi Oakes in competition mode. All in all it was a ****ing mess but Busi didn't want to disappoint poor OCD riddled Regis so he got some blood into it and within in seconds he was sweating like a doorman at Tiger Tiger.

Of course the ballistics gel was ****ter than a Concert for Diana and Busi was stuck solid. For three long and hard hours he looked like he was attacking Oscar the Grouch with a cock like five brown babies' arms wrapped together in angry veins. Eventually Roger Black had pulled out his ivory handled Yarborough and slashed through the gel quicker than Vanessa Fletz goes through men of colour.

Busi had been laid up for a week in his £127,874 one bedroom mansion as his ebony pussy pestle had recovered. In the meantime he had to lay off the clunge suds and his balls had gotten so huge that he was sure the Branson and Per Lindstrand would try to fly one of them across the Atlantic unsuccessfully. To pass the time and to keep the blood resolutely in his brain and not in his slumbering onyx sauce bottle he wrote 18 motivational books, recorded two videos on how not to piss or **** yourself in public and poked Tanni Grey Thompson on Facebook so hard he burst her tyres. And her bubble.

Whilst Kriss was out of action the gang resembled a fanny that had just been kicked. Busi had sent Regis to buy some tartan paint from Homebase and he hadn't come back. It had been three days. Black had been asked to head up the new Justice Ministry in ol' glass eyes new cabinet. Of course he was too busy to take the job - he had 18 Maplins stores and one Cotswold Outdoor to open. In a week. Roger had left only one directive - have Derek Redmond shot or stabbed. Or both. As long as he was harmed.

Black had eventually found Regis in Dunfermline mixing paints in a B&Q and for awhile the gang played Bean Flicker on Busi's Wii and sank Jagerbombs until the sun scraped over the horizon near Hemel. The doctor, who for some reason had a mask over his face and C4 strapped to his chest, had given him the all clear. The news sent a bullet train of blood into Busi's sleeping hymen humper and it twitched like a burning man. Krisstopher Akabusi was back.

As they had entered the JJB near Luton Akabusi's pussy levels were instantly raised to clitical and a jet black crack attack was imminent. The musty rarified air of the discount sports store crept into his silk dungs like Shrek into an apartment in La Luz and caressed his giant genitals with all the vigour of Argus speed reading the new Argos catalogue. As was the protocal at official openings Busi let slip his dungarees and proceeded to the cutting of the ribbon his meat Brabantia swinging like Benoit from a multigym. But the numptys who ran this new store had forgotten the Liz Duke scissors that only Busi could use. So Busi went backstage to find them.

And that is where he found himself now. Naked, hornier than Paul Gadd in a fringe production of Bugsy Malone and hotter than a couple of fellas pulling up to Glasgow Departures. Busi peeked out into the store. A robot that looked like a cross between Tanni Grey and Ultra Magnus was approaching his Corsa. On closer inspection it was actually Stephen Hawkings who the Bomb Disposal team used on occasion to diffuse bombs or open fetes. Or diffuse fetes.

Hawkwind was great at sums and theories but he was **** at opening things. So Regis washed his hands 26 times with carbolic and opened the boot. The suspect package was a mangled pile of steel and a congealed spunk. It was Regis' FleshLight. The police reopened the street and released the grip around some Asian's necks. Busi composed himself and strode out onto the shopfloor as proud and upstanding as Venus William's micro penis.

"The only controlled explosion in here will be in her face!" roared Busi with all the might and passion of Thor ****ing Odin and not giving a reach around. "Her" was the smokin' hot chief of Luton Bomb Disposal who was trying on some steel cap Green Flash. Busi knew beneath the crisp white flak jacket were a pair of bristols like two Bruce Willis's fighting and tucked into those crisp black combats was a clunge that would detain you for up to 90 days without charge.

Busi instantly became thicker than a wrestler's neck and his giant ebony pears lifted into the attack position. His retractable cum roof revealed a jap's eye as large and steely as Gordon Brown's glass golf ball. Kriss stood there looking like an overweight chocolate Pinocchio lying his arse off.

The chief pulled at her heavy clothes and whipped off her kevlar G with aplomb. She was wetter than coke near Cork and her fanny glistened in the strip lighting of the JJB. She had a clit like Keith Allen's penis. Busi stalked her like a black cat playing with a mouse. With tits. He wanted to get in her box and cut the red wire. Or the brown one.

Krisstopher lept on her like the McCanns on a plane and before she could take a breath, Busi was up to his nuts in the law. His hands were all over her and she wasn't shy either. He felt a thumb slip up his bum disposal unit and he knew this was going to a heavy one.

Within hours he was on his violent extremist vinegars and let fly with such a gush of ball broil that several newsagents in South Yorkshire got the sandbags out again. The store was ruined but his empty knackers echoed their approval and as he pulled his dying mickey out and slipped on his dungs Busi knew that this JJB was well and truly opened.

The emergency was over. Busi had gotten his oats and the chief was busily scoffing up the remnants. Black honked her horn in the Corsa. Regis has pissed and **** himself. He'd not watched the video. And he was a borderline ****. But he was family. And he made Busi look good.

Kriss looked down on the pile of flapping spermazota, matted fuzz, mobile phone detonaters, hazard tape and a clunge that looked like a boxer's ear, bent down on his powerful black knee, whispered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.

The End.

[cadmium]

Good one Shaggy, nice to see a new Akabusi story