Longer Jokes

[lfcchris]

A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"

Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."

So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.

The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."

So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."

To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

[lfcchris]

Zoo keeper says to Paddy, "Paddy, the gorillas on heat. I need someone to shag her. will you do intfor £500?" Paddy says, "I will on 3 conditions. Firstly i dont kiss her. Secondly my family never find out and thirdly, give me a couple of weeks to get hold of the £500!!!

[lfcchris]

Ive just been to the gym and I was on this awesome machine, I only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick.

Its good tho as it's got Kitkats, Maltesers, Mars, Mini Cheddars and even crisps....

[lfcchris]

Paddy finds a sandwich in the gutter with 2 red wires sticking out of it. He phones the police and says "Help me bejesus i've found a sandwich that looks like a bomb". The operator replies "is it tickin"? "No" says Paddy "Oi tink its beef"!!!

[lfcchris]

3 mice in a pub having a heavy discussion about who's the hardest.

First mouse says, "I'm the hardest as I go up to mousetraps and nick the cheese then do 30 bench presses with the trap then throw it across the room.

Second mouse says, "You poof, I get rat poison and crush it into powder and snort it."

The third mouse finishes his drink and starts to walk towards the door.

"Where you going?", asks the other 2 mice.

"Home", he replies, "To shag the cat"

[lfcchris]

Harry Potter stories are so far fetched, I mean I can buy the fact that magic exists, maybe even unicorns but have you ever seen a ginger kid with 2 mates?!