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Quotes from the Leaving Cert.

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    Quotes from the Leaving Cert.

    Just got this email from a mate

    She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

    His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer

    Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

    She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open
    again.

    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

    McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

    Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre

    The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

    Her vocabulary was as bad as, kinda’ like, sorta, whatever.

    He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease

    Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Ballina at 6:36 pm travelling at 55 mph, the other from Claremorris 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.

    The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

    John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

    The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.

    Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

    Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

    The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

    The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for while.

    “Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 50cent-a-pint night.

    He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine
    or something.

    Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from the “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” ad.

    She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

    It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.

    The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.

    The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
    formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.

    It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

    He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.

    She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.

    Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

    It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

    Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
    Contrary to popular belief, I have huge genitals.

    #2
    some of them are classic.
    I remember hearing one answer for english in the leaving cert before.
    Q. What does Judicious mean?
    A. Cos hands that Judicious, an feel soft as your face
    I think sometimes, students try an add a bit of humor into the exams to try and get some extra points for amusement.
    Bill shankly to Tommy Smith after he'd turned up for training with a bandaged knee:
    'Take that poof bandage off, and what do you mean YOUR knee, it's LIVERPOOL'S knee !'

    "Sorry, boss, I should have kept my legs together," said Lawrence. "No, Tommy, your mother should have kept her legs together!," replied Shankly.

    * After Tommy Lawrence had let in a fluke goal between his legs

    Comment


      #3
      Whats a leaving Cert?

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by alunevans View Post
        Whats a leaving Cert?
        Final year of school exams. Like A-levels, I guess
        Well, here we are in a room with two manky hookers and a racist dwarf. I think I'm heading home.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by alunevans View Post
          Whats a leaving Cert?
          "Sky and Setanta have the right to choose their games and it will be the same for everyone. So Mr Ferguson will not be complaining about fixtures and a campaign against United.

          "Or there is another option. That Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple."

          Comment


            #6
            The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.
            Torres Fan Club Member #2, Lucas Leiva Fan Club Member #1

            going limp; HARRRRRRRRRRRR

            Comment


              #7
              One of my wifes friends says he was at Uni with someone doing a Philosiphy final exam and the question was "What is a risk?" he answered "This is." and left the exam he apparently got full marks.

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Angry Dan View Post
                One of my wifes friends says he was at Uni with someone doing a Philosiphy final exam and the question was "What is a risk?" he answered "This is." and left the exam he apparently got full marks.
                Although it would be totally awesome, i really doubt it happened.
                "These stories have as much relation to the truth as an egg to a chestnut." - Racing Santander President Francisco Pernia

                Comment


                  #9
                  It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
                  how do you accidentally staple your tongue to a wall?
                  "It’s the friends you can call up at four a.m. that matter" Marlene Dietrich (1901 - 1992)
                  My Blog
                  Originally posted by BigChief
                  I'll **** Jose if he wins us the f*cking league!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by irishgeo View Post
                    how do you accidentally staple your tongue to a wall?
                    A sheltered, unadventurous and comfortable life then, so far, irishegeo?

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Angry Dan View Post
                      One of my wifes friends says he was at Uni with someone doing a Philosiphy final exam and the question was "What is a risk?" he answered "This is." and left the exam he apparently got full marks.
                      It's amazing how often that happens.

                      I first heard that story from my English teacher.
                      .
                      Suppose you have a physicist and a sociologist standing at the side of a field, observing a set of events unfolding on the field. The physicist does [describes] it using the terminology of mass and velocity and frequency of radiation and the rest. And the sociologist does it by describing it as a rugby match.



                      May the Lord bless this post.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by mick the click View Post
                        A sheltered, unadventurous and comfortable life then, so far, irishegeo?

                        i disagree but i feel sorry for the polish guy who i read about in the paper recently.

                        He was up on a roof and slipped with nailgun in hand and ended up nailing one of his balls to the roof. Took the paramedics some time to get him down.
                        "It’s the friends you can call up at four a.m. that matter" Marlene Dietrich (1901 - 1992)
                        My Blog
                        Originally posted by BigChief
                        I'll **** Jose if he wins us the f*cking league!

                        Comment

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