top 6 smart arse answers!!

[Subby]

SMART ARSED ANSWER 6th Place

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: 'Would you like
dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. 'What
are my choices?' the man asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ARSED ANSWER 5th Place

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As
a man approached, she extended her hand
for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without
blinking an eyelid she said, 'Sir, I need to see

your ticket not your stub.'

SMART ARSED ANSWER 4th Place

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's
store but she couldn't find one big enough for

her family. She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any
bigger?' The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not,

they're dead.'

SMART ARSED ANSWER 3rd Place

The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for speeding,
rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting

for you all day,' the bobby said. The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as
fast as I could.' When the policeman

finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ARSED ANSWER 2nd Place

A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that
read 'Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he realised it, the bridge was directly
ahead and he got stuck under it... Cars are backed up for miles. Finally,
a police car comes up. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the
lorry's cab and said to the driver, 'Got stuck, eh?' The lorry driver said,
'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'

SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final
exam. 'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being
here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal
injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no
other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room
raised his hand and asked, 'What would happen if I came in tomorrow
suffering from complete and utter sexual

exhaustion?' The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When
silence was restored, the teacher smiled
knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose
you'd have to write the exam with your

other hand '.

[Marineboy]

[Colemere]

3rd was the best

[der_Fuchs]

When I was at college I was entering a classroom with a friend who was drinking a carton of Ribena at the time. The lecturer said ' there's no food in here,' and my friend replied, 'lucky I brought my own, then.'

[Rowan]

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."

"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said,

"A pumpkin? Damn, is it midnight already?"

[Subby]

[johnp]

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."

"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's just working away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said,

"A pumpkin? Damn, is it midnight already?"

[Dan]