1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me the f**k alone.
2. It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper,
that's the time to do it.
3 . No one is listening until you fart.
4 . If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a mortgage payment.
5 . Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
6 . If at first you don't succeed - skydiving is not for you.
7 . Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
8 . If you lend someone £320 and never see that person again, it may have been well worth it.
9 . Don't worry. It only seems kinky the first time.
10 .Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
12 . There are two theories about arguing with women.
Neither one works.
13 . Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
14 . Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either.
Just pretty much leave me the f**k alone.
2. It's always darkest before dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper,
that's the time to do it.
3 . No one is listening until you fart.
4 . If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a mortgage payment.
5 . Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
6 . If at first you don't succeed - skydiving is not for you.
7 . Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
8 . If you lend someone £320 and never see that person again, it may have been well worth it.
9 . Don't worry. It only seems kinky the first time.
10 .Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
12 . There are two theories about arguing with women.
Neither one works.
13 . Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
14 . Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.
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