I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it.
I thought, "That's Aboriginal."
This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was
a turtle disaster.
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I
said, "No, permanent."
I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do
you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."
I was at a Garden Centre and I asked for something herby. They gave me a
Volkswagen with no driver.
I went to the local video shop and I said "Can I borrow Batman Forever?" He
said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"
I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No,
just a watch."
I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke
said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?"
My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.
I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said,
"You've got cholera."
I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name,
it's P something T something R.
I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just
went on and on.
The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of voluntary work??
I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."
I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said,
"You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He said, "No, this is for
the custard."
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper.
He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."
I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?"
I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you
anything."
I phoned the local builders today; I said to them "Can I have a skip
outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!"
This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"
I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes
first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest
I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said "I careered off the road"
I thought, "That's Aboriginal."
This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was
a turtle disaster.
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I
said, "No, permanent."
I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do
you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."
I was at a Garden Centre and I asked for something herby. They gave me a
Volkswagen with no driver.
I went to the local video shop and I said "Can I borrow Batman Forever?" He
said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"
I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No,
just a watch."
I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke
said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?"
My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.
I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said,
"You've got cholera."
I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name,
it's P something T something R.
I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just
went on and on.
The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of voluntary work??
I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."
I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said,
"You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He said, "No, this is for
the custard."
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper.
He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."
I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?"
I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you
anything."
I phoned the local builders today; I said to them "Can I have a skip
outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!"
This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"
I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes
first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest
I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said "I careered off the road"
Comment