Teacher: 'Good morning children, today is Thursday, so we're going to
> have a general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can
> have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday.'
>
> Little Paddy thinks, 'Whoo hooo! I'm bleedin' deadly at General
> Knowledge. This is gonna be sooo easy!'
>
> Teacher: 'Right class, who can tell me who said. "Don't ask what our
> country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?"
>
> Little Paddy shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air. Teacher
> looking round picks Farqhuar-Fauntleroy at the front. "Yes, Farqhuar?"
> Farqhuar (in a very English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is J F
> Kennedy - inauguration speech 1960."
> Teacher: "Very good Farquhar. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we
> will see you back in class on Tuesday."
>
> The next Thursday comes around, and Little Paddy is even more
> determined.
>
> Teacher: 'Who said. "We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight
> them in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never
> surrender?"
> Little Paddy's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting "I know. I
> know. Me Miss, me Miss!" Teacher looking round and picks Tarquin-Smythe,
> sitting at the front: "Yes Tarquin?"
> Tarquin (In a very, very posh, English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is
> Winston Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech."
> Teacher: "Very good Tarquin, you may stay off Friday and Monday and come
> back to class on Tuesday."
>
> The following Thursday comes around and Little Paddy is hyper, he's been
> studying encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for anything that comes.
> He's coiled in his wee chair, dribbling in anticipation.
>
> Teacher: '"Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for
> mankind?'"
> Little Paddy's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing on his
> seat, jumping up and down screaming "Me miss. Me miss. I know, I know.
> Me Miss, me miss, meeeeee "
> Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front "Yes
> Rupert."
> Rupert (In a frightfully, frightfully, ever so plummy English accent):
> "Yes miss that was Neil Armstrong, 1969, the first moon landing."
> Teacher: '"Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come
> back into class on Tuesday."
>
> Little Paddy loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his wee
> chair at the wall. He starts screaming "WHERE THE F**K DID ALL THESE
> ENGLISH B*ST*RDS COME FROM?"
> Teacher spins back round from the blackboard and shouts: "Who said
> that?"
>
> Little Paddy grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door, "Patrick
> Pearse, GPO, 1916. See ye on Tuesday Miss."
> have a general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can
> have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday.'
>
> Little Paddy thinks, 'Whoo hooo! I'm bleedin' deadly at General
> Knowledge. This is gonna be sooo easy!'
>
> Teacher: 'Right class, who can tell me who said. "Don't ask what our
> country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?"
>
> Little Paddy shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air. Teacher
> looking round picks Farqhuar-Fauntleroy at the front. "Yes, Farqhuar?"
> Farqhuar (in a very English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is J F
> Kennedy - inauguration speech 1960."
> Teacher: "Very good Farquhar. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we
> will see you back in class on Tuesday."
>
> The next Thursday comes around, and Little Paddy is even more
> determined.
>
> Teacher: 'Who said. "We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight
> them in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never
> surrender?"
> Little Paddy's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting "I know. I
> know. Me Miss, me Miss!" Teacher looking round and picks Tarquin-Smythe,
> sitting at the front: "Yes Tarquin?"
> Tarquin (In a very, very posh, English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is
> Winston Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech."
> Teacher: "Very good Tarquin, you may stay off Friday and Monday and come
> back to class on Tuesday."
>
> The following Thursday comes around and Little Paddy is hyper, he's been
> studying encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for anything that comes.
> He's coiled in his wee chair, dribbling in anticipation.
>
> Teacher: '"Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for
> mankind?'"
> Little Paddy's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing on his
> seat, jumping up and down screaming "Me miss. Me miss. I know, I know.
> Me Miss, me miss, meeeeee "
> Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front "Yes
> Rupert."
> Rupert (In a frightfully, frightfully, ever so plummy English accent):
> "Yes miss that was Neil Armstrong, 1969, the first moon landing."
> Teacher: '"Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come
> back into class on Tuesday."
>
> Little Paddy loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his wee
> chair at the wall. He starts screaming "WHERE THE F**K DID ALL THESE
> ENGLISH B*ST*RDS COME FROM?"
> Teacher spins back round from the blackboard and shouts: "Who said
> that?"
>
> Little Paddy grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door, "Patrick
> Pearse, GPO, 1916. See ye on Tuesday Miss."
sorry to all the english lads but
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