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    Ouch



    10 reasons Poms WON'T win

    Will Swanton From: The Daily Telegraph November 19, 2010 12:00AM

    PUNTERS are getting behind them and Australian cricket fans are becoming more nervous.

    1 Overrated

    They walked around The Oval after their dominant home summer like they were God's gifts to Wisden. Here's who they really beat. No one. Nuffies and cheats. England clean-swept the worst team on the planet, Bangladesh, and then won three out of four Tests against rotten Pakistan. Now they're portrayed as superstars.

    2 Kevin Pietersen

    He might be growing a moustache for a very good cause but he's still getting around looking like Dirk Diggler out of Boogie Nights. His most recent Test efforts have been the biggest joke. John Buchanan was right with his assessment of Pietersen. Buchanan was panned because the truth hurt. There's more than one 'I' in Kevin Pietersen and it hurts morale.

    3 No top speedster

    Jimmy Anderson, Stuart Broad and Steve Finn are respectable quicks. But they lack the fear factor. Every truly great attack has someone pushing 150km/h, like Mitchell Johnson does for Australia. None of the touring fast bowlers are frightening. Away from swing and seam-friendly England, that doesn't leave them with much.

    4 Passive captain

    Andrew Strauss has to lead by example because his introverted demeanour doesn't get the blood pumping too much. Only his scores do. He leads with quiet assurance when things are going well. But he comes across as introverted and submissive when things start going pear-shaped.

    5 No superstars

    Pietersen is as good as anyone when he's in the mood, but he hasn't been in the mood for a long time. He couldn't make a hundred against Bangladesh - his 99 was close but no cigar - and Doug Bollinger, Ben Hilfenhaus and Johnson can smell blood. Graeme Swann is the only Englishman to make a world XI right now.England are successful because they know their limitations. Which means there are limitations.

    6 Over-analysis

    They've faced bowling machines with footage of Australian speedsters running in at them - and still didn't want to know about Mitchell Johnson. They've given themselves three weeks in Australia to acclimatise but haven't played on pitches like the monster they'll encounter at the Gabba. Every breath they take is a part of a suffocating plan. There's no freedom, nothing instinctive or adventurous. Paralysis by over-analysis.

    7 No depth

    In such a cramped schedule, injuries are bound to hit both camps. England are in serious strife if they lose any of their first XI. There's a vast gulf between their top-tier players and those on the standby list. Australia can only hope and pray that off-spinner Monty Panesar is called in for Graeme Swann. Australia have eight Test-standard speedsters in the queue.

    8 Chokers

    This is England we're talking about. Losing is a tradition. Think soccer World Cups. Think Tim Henman at Wimbledon. Think every cricket tour of Australia since 1986-87. They always arrive talking themselves up, vowing they won't wilt under the heat and pressure and scrutiny, then wilt under the heat and pressure and scrutiny. They've hired a self-described Yips Doctor - because they need one.

    9 Warm-ups

    Everyone keeps rattling on about England's perfect preparation. They must be having a laugh. A few of them made runs at Adelaide Oval. It's like batting on the Hume Highway. Anyone seen the scorecards? Western Australia rolled England for 223. South Australia dismissed them for 288 on the Hume. And Australia A ripped through their top order in Hobart A yesterday. Perfectly prepared? Piffle.

    10 Scars

    Five of their top six batsmen are the same lot who stumbled and bumbled through the 5-0 loss on England's last trip to Australia. The scarring is deep and real. Jimmy Anderson's memories of Australia are all nightmarish. He averaged 45.16. Broad and Finn are yet to play a Test series in Australia. Hard surfaces jarring bones and muscles, oppressive heat - they won't know what or who has hit them.
    Thanks very much for being ‘This Mornings’ Farmer’

    Comment




      I don't know if you could hear, but apparently at the interview at the end when Mark Taylor asked Alistair Cook what he felt was the biggest reason for him getting so many runs in this series.

      ...the Barmy Army instantly chimed up with...

      "He bowls to the left, He bowls to the reye eye ight, that Mitchell Johnson, his bowling is ****e".

      What sport is on tonight that I can watch until 4am...........
      Modifying post.

      Comment


        If you lived in Australia your sporting needs till 4 am on the weekend would be supplied every weekend in abundance. Have you considered moving abroad?
        96 Never Forgotten

        Comment


          Originally posted by Shaggy View Post
          Ouch



          10 reasons Poms WON'T win

          Will Swanton From: The Daily Telegraph November 19, 2010 12:00AM

          PUNTERS are getting behind them and Australian cricket fans are becoming more nervous.

          1 Overrated

          They walked around The Oval after their dominant home summer like they were God's gifts to Wisden. Here's who they really beat. No one. Nuffies and cheats. England clean-swept the worst team on the planet, Bangladesh, and then won three out of four Tests against rotten Pakistan. Now they're portrayed as superstars.

          2 Kevin Pietersen

          He might be growing a moustache for a very good cause but he's still getting around looking like Dirk Diggler out of Boogie Nights. His most recent Test efforts have been the biggest joke. John Buchanan was right with his assessment of Pietersen. Buchanan was panned because the truth hurt. There's more than one 'I' in Kevin Pietersen and it hurts morale.

          3 No top speedster

          Jimmy Anderson, Stuart Broad and Steve Finn are respectable quicks. But they lack the fear factor. Every truly great attack has someone pushing 150km/h, like Mitchell Johnson does for Australia. None of the touring fast bowlers are frightening. Away from swing and seam-friendly England, that doesn't leave them with much.

          4 Passive captain

          Andrew Strauss has to lead by example because his introverted demeanour doesn't get the blood pumping too much. Only his scores do. He leads with quiet assurance when things are going well. But he comes across as introverted and submissive when things start going pear-shaped.

          5 No superstars

          Pietersen is as good as anyone when he's in the mood, but he hasn't been in the mood for a long time. He couldn't make a hundred against Bangladesh - his 99 was close but no cigar - and Doug Bollinger, Ben Hilfenhaus and Johnson can smell blood. Graeme Swann is the only Englishman to make a world XI right now.England are successful because they know their limitations. Which means there are limitations.

          6 Over-analysis

          They've faced bowling machines with footage of Australian speedsters running in at them - and still didn't want to know about Mitchell Johnson. They've given themselves three weeks in Australia to acclimatise but haven't played on pitches like the monster they'll encounter at the Gabba. Every breath they take is a part of a suffocating plan. There's no freedom, nothing instinctive or adventurous. Paralysis by over-analysis.

          7 No depth

          In such a cramped schedule, injuries are bound to hit both camps. England are in serious strife if they lose any of their first XI. There's a vast gulf between their top-tier players and those on the standby list. Australia can only hope and pray that off-spinner Monty Panesar is called in for Graeme Swann. Australia have eight Test-standard speedsters in the queue.

          8 Chokers

          This is England we're talking about. Losing is a tradition. Think soccer World Cups. Think Tim Henman at Wimbledon. Think every cricket tour of Australia since 1986-87. They always arrive talking themselves up, vowing they won't wilt under the heat and pressure and scrutiny, then wilt under the heat and pressure and scrutiny. They've hired a self-described Yips Doctor - because they need one.

          9 Warm-ups

          Everyone keeps rattling on about England's perfect preparation. They must be having a laugh. A few of them made runs at Adelaide Oval. It's like batting on the Hume Highway. Anyone seen the scorecards? Western Australia rolled England for 223. South Australia dismissed them for 288 on the Hume. And Australia A ripped through their top order in Hobart A yesterday. Perfectly prepared? Piffle.

          10 Scars

          Five of their top six batsmen are the same lot who stumbled and bumbled through the 5-0 loss on England's last trip to Australia. The scarring is deep and real. Jimmy Anderson's memories of Australia are all nightmarish. He averaged 45.16. Broad and Finn are yet to play a Test series in Australia. Hard surfaces jarring bones and muscles, oppressive heat - they won't know what or who has hit them.
          A level of wrongness that even Patrick Barclay would find impressive.

          Journalists - f*ck off.
          .
          Suppose you have a physicist and a sociologist standing at the side of a field, observing a set of events unfolding on the field. The physicist does [describes] it using the terminology of mass and velocity and frequency of radiation and the rest. And the sociologist does it by describing it as a rugby match.



          May the Lord bless this post.

          Comment


            Originally posted by Fernandinho View Post
            If you lived in Australia your sporting needs till 4 am on the weekend would be supplied every weekend in abundance. Have you considered moving abroad?


            I would love to live in Australia as it goes, but I guess having all sport on at 4am must get a bit tiring eventually.

            5 weeks of the Ashes and I am basically broken due to sleep deprivation.
            Modifying post.

            Comment


              Originally posted by Neil Young View Post
              A level of wrongness that even Patrick Barclay would find impressive.

              Journalists - f*ck off.


              It is impressive to write a 10 point article and have each and every point rammed straight back down your throat.

              I particularly like how he bigs up the Aussie pace attack, including Doug Bollinger. They all regularly went for a ton plus.
              Modifying post.

              Comment


                Dougie had a top series mate!
                96 Never Forgotten

                Comment


                  Originally posted by Fernandinho View Post
                  Dougie had a top series mate!
                  Modifying post.

                  Comment


                    Comment




                      [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtxnfqDJUWg"]YouTube - Anderson v Johnson: top sledging[/ame]
                      Thanks very much for being ‘This Mornings’ Farmer’

                      Comment


                        can u tell me what is said - can't play it work
                        i own everton fans on the internet....that's what i do

                        Comment


                          MJ to Anderson (as Anderson is standing at his mark ready to bowl): "Why are you chirping now mate...not getting wickets?"

                          Anderson runs in...........BOOM!
                          Thanks very much for being ‘This Mornings’ Farmer’

                          Comment


                            Johnson seems like a right ****ing idiot
                            96 Never Forgotten

                            Comment

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