what's you alltime favorite jokes

[JCase]

Well Done Shaggy!

Haven't heard that in years. Thanks for posting it

[redbuz]

Paddy & MIck were walking along one day, when they came across a deserted car. They jumped in, and started checking if everything worked. Paddy beeped the horn, "yes that works ok" he says. Then he flicks on his indicator and says "Mick, stick you head outta the window and see if it's working"...to which he replys "it is...it isn't...it is...it isn't..."

[disco]

what's brown and sticky...





****...

It's a 'stick'

[Shaggy]

what's brown and sticky...





****...

It's a 'stick'

FLMAO

Great gag. "What's brown and sticky? ****."

I might tell my stand-up comedian mate to tell that one in his next appearance at the Comedy Store.

[ronan]

It's a 'stick'

is the right answer.

[tommyg]

Man walks into an office, walks up to a woman and says "wow, your hair smells wonderful today!"

The woman runs off crying into the managers office and says to her boss, "Ive just been sexually harassed!!"

She settles herself and explains the story, and her boss replies "He just complimented your hair, how is that sexual harassment?"

"He was a midget!"

[Bob]

2 old fellas with Alzheimer's, one says " do ya fancy an ice cream" Other says "yeah".
He ****s off and comes back 10 mins later with 2 bags of chips. Other one says "you stupid c*nt, you forgot me fish"

That has to be the worst joke i've ever heard.

[Johnny]

Tarquin and Quentin were walking along one day, when they came across a deserted car. They jumped in, and started checking if everything worked. Paddy beeped the horn, "yes that works ok" he says. Then he flicks on his indicator and says "Mick, stick you head outta the window and see if it's working"...to which he replys "it is...it isn't...it is...it isn't..."

[RedJedi]

That has to be the worst joke i've ever heard.

Thank you

[Red_Polo]

I quite liked it

[captainfog]

I ran into Van Gogh in the pub, I said, "fancy a pint". He said, "no thanks, i have one 'ere"

Recently, a Parisian burglar nearly got away with stealing several
paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in
and out past heavy security, he was captured only two blocks away, when his
van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a daring crime,
and then make such an obvious error, he replied,

"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

[RedJedi]

I quite liked it

I love it, hence it being in here

[PTP]

i've posted this before but anyway it makes me laugh

There’s this fella round our way called Macca who know absolutely everyone in the world. Everyone in the local, the post office etc etc.

Anyway, Macca’s in the pub one afternoon telling anyone who listens how he knows everyone in the world. His best mate John starts to get fed up and doesn’t believe that Macca knows everyone and asks Macca to prove it. Macca says fine, who would you like to meet. John replies that he fancies Jordon and would love to meet her. Macca gets on his mobile, and a few minutes later him and John jump into his car and are travelling to London to meet Jordon at her favourite club. Upon arrival they meet Jordon who is all over Macca telling him how much she has missed him.

John is pretty stunned but doesn’t want to lose the bet so say’s “I bet you don’t know Tony Blair”. The next day Macca and John make the way to 10 Downing Street, they are stopped at the door by the on duty police officer who says “Alright Macca, hows it going, Tony’s upstairs, go on up he’s missed you”

They then go on to meet the PM and John is absolutely gob smacked at how well Blair and Macca know each other. John is still not convinced that Macca knows everyone so tells Macca he wants to meet the Pope. Macca reluctantly agrees to take John to the pope and they leave for the Vatican the next day.

Upon arrival, there is masses of people waiting for a glimpse of the pope who is due to wave from his balcony. Macca tells John to wait in the crowd as there is no way both of them will be able to see him, but he tells John to keep looking at the balcony were he will see Macca with the Pope.

About half an hour later Macca returns looking for John, who he finds absolutely fuming and looks like he is going to kill someone. Macca say “whats up mate, you ok, did you see me up there on the balcony”

To which john replies
“I couldn’t, but the guy next to me just asked – “Whose that small, bald, old **** standing next to Macca!!”

[James]

The Pope comes to visit the UK and little Johnny asks his dad if they can go see him. Not wanting to let his son down he says yes and tells little Johnny that he has heard the Pope likes Liverpool FC and that if he wore his beloved red top then he might even give them a wave.

The big day arrives and little Johhny is standing with his dad at the side of the Popes route, but as the Pope-Mobile drives past his holiness doesn't even glance twice at little Johnny.

To make matters worse about a hundred yards down the road is a little kid with a Manure top on.....as the Pope-Mobile approaches the poor disadvantaged kid his holiness instructs the driver to stop.

The Pope gets out and has a few words with the mancs before resuming his journey.

Little Johnny is heart broken, but his dad has a plan - that night they go out and steal a manure top! The next day as they are waiting on the Pope coming back little Johnny slips the hated red manure top over his Liverpool one.

Sure enough as the Pope-Mobile approaches his holiness once again instructs the driver to stop. The Pope gets out, walks up to little Johnny and bends over to whisper in his ear: 'I thought I told you to **** off yesterday?'

[PLY]

A sailor comes into the docks at Liverpool after spending months at sea and only has 2 things on his mind - a bevvy and a shag.

He pops into the first hostelry he finds on the Dock Road and downs 5 pints in no time , he then asks the barman where he can find a dirty brass.

He starts at Lime Street but finds only a skanky old hag in her late 80's shouting "50p for a shag" , he decides to give that a miss and heads up to the back of the Royal hospital but the local prozzies are all missing , he heads off to the back of the Anglican Cathedral bur finds a similar lack of ladies of the night.

Pissed off , he heads back into town for a few more bevvies , determined to try his luck later. After another enjoyable 5 pints he heads back over to Lime Street but again only finds the old hag shouting "50p for a shag". He heads back up to the Royal and the Cathedral but agin , nothing doing.


He has 5 more pints in the Big House and very much the worse for wear heads back to Lime Street. Again there is only the old hag present , but desperate for his hole and not thinking that he can walk any further he approaches her and agrees to give her a pound which she is delighted with.

He peeled up her skirt and with great difficulty managed to enter her arrid wrinkled vagina with the help of a bit of lubricating mucus. After a while he began to enjoy himself and ripped her top open to suck her nipple. To his suprise milk began flowing out and he got really carried away and had one of the best orgasms in his life.

As he was putting himself back away , he asked the old woman how come she still managed to lactate at her age , to which she replied "That wasn't my tit that was a boil"

Always a good one to tell at dinner parties