The top 100 forum quotes

[Subby]

#184664 +(928)- [X]

[ Smitten ] My computer just asked me if i wanted to install 'Icons for blind users'....
[ Smitten ] HOW THE **** DOES THAT WORK?!!?!?!?!

[cobain]

#2084 +(188)- [X]

<Sharkey> When you talk to your cactus at the end of the quest he says "He got hard?"
<kill> at least you wouldn't have to water a cactus
<kill> it's pretty low-maintenance, if you got one
<Starchild> That's my ideal adopted kid. One you don't have to water or feed.
<kill> you just have to cloth it
<DigiGnome> And you don't even have to do that, as long as you don't let it out of its room.


#5511 +(452)- [X]

*** Moses is now known as Cain
<Cain> oh no I killed my bro
<KeeperS> ...
<KeeperS> what a stirring rendition of the bible
* KeeperS is moved to tears

[cobain]

A bit long ...

<Tall Israeli> I think just about anyone who meets me and talks to me for long enough comes to terms with the fact that I am a very sick, twisted person. Also factor in a few mountain dews, a Peer-to-Peer connection, and boredom and you get what might be the funniest combination imaginable.
I had been downloading music yesterday evening. Led Zeppelin, REO Speedwagon, Flock of Seagulls, things like that. Then I realized that it'd be a funny joke to play on people if I were to change "Keep on Rolling" to "Hot Lesbian Sex". I watched as within minutes this file got 50 downloads. I was astounded.
Then the Tom got an idea.
An awful idea.
The Tom got a wonderful awful idea.
What if, perhaps, I was to change some of these names to sick pornography titles? I wonder if I'd get any bites?
And this is where the fun begins.
The first title I put up was "Naked boys dancing and eating cake." I sat in anticipation, waiting for my first download. Success, the first download came. Then the second. Then the third. This baby was steamrolling down the information super highway like a trucker with a hardon that has 2 miles left to the next truck stop. Before I knew it, I was getting twenty downloads. Then thirty. Then fifty. Can you imagine that in the end, rather than getting dancing boys naked and indulging themselves with sweets and frolicking in a dewy meadow, one-hundred thirty two people got a disappointing video of Led Zeppelin performing "Dazed and Confused" in front of a live audience? At this point, I had no choice but to continue.
The second title I put up was "My Ex-Girlfriend mowing the lawn naked." I thought that this was too far out to get any downloads. Alas, I was wrong. It got a download. Then two. Then thirty. In the end, seventy-eight sweaty, drooling fudges wanted to see my ex girlfriend mow the lawn stark naked. She's not even that hot. Rather then get their lawn-mowing beauty, they got the song "Ozone baby."
For the third title, I decided to transform "White Wedding" into the more intriguing "Elephant cock horse." I wish I could say I was kidding when this thing was downloaded one hundred eighty seven times. I guess there is something about horses and elephants showing their cocks that bring out the best in people. I nearly died of laughter at this point. "How can nearly two hundred people want to see naked animals? They're ALWAYS naked!" For sanctity's sake, we're going to leave this as a mystery. I hope I turned some people on to Billy Idol, hopefully distracting them long enough to forget that masturbating to horse and elephant genitalia are not really something their mothers would be proud of.
I couldn't stop myself from doing another. "Grandma Bingo Sex." Short and sweet. I couldn't stop myself from amusing.........myself..... "Grandma Bingo Sex." Surely not a common scenario, and surely not a scenario that would arouse many a twisted psyche. Apparently I know nothing about the human psyche. One hundred twenty two. ONE HUNDRED TWENTY TWO PEOPLE would like to see grandma getting bent over the bingo table, game card in hand, getting donkey punched by a 90 year old addle brained porn star. I rubbed my eyes just to double check. My eyes had to be lying to my brain. My penis had shriveled to the size of a 2 day old Wendys chicken nugget.
They asked for Grandma.
They got Joan Jett.
At this point I had to start taking puffs of my albuteral inhaler to keep from suffocating myself with laughter. "Girl on girl toe insertion (LEGAL)" was my next proud creation. Everyone likes 38 Special, so everyone won't feel like such dumb-asses after downloading this footy piece of crap. Never underestimate the inertia traveling behind a toe inserting itself into a rectum, friends. It's like a fudging semi hurling down Interstate 40 in the noonday sun. One hundred twelve people wanted to jerk to this. God have mercy on us.
At this point, for some odd reason, the user name "Enraged Baboon" popped into my head. "Enraged Baboon fudging a nipple factory." No way in hell would this get many downloads. Who could possibly type in any or all of those keywords? I guess people like seeing sweaty red-ass baboons, nostrils flaring, banging their chests like Marky Mark in the movie "Fear", having sex WITH each other in a factory that produces baby-bottle nipples. Imagine what those children would look like. One hundred seventy two people typed those magic words into Limewire, and got a hot steaming pile of monkey love. Well, it was Pink Floyd, but a man can dream, cant he?
This could all seem very disturbing. My final experiment, however, made me dizzy as my precious sack retreated into my pelvis. ...THREE PEOPLE...three disgusting, drooling, perverted, fudged up people, wielding a box of Puffs Plus and a tube of Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion, bright eyed and bushy tailed, wanted to see "An emu taking a vicious dump." How does one take a VICIOUS dump and how does an EMU take one, for that matter?
Ladies and gentlemen: this is why I have lost every last ounce of faith in humanity.
If I may quote Method:
"You're going to make a lot of sick people very unhappy."

[cobain]

#818305 +(1161)- [X]

<XaSer> what's the word for NOT independent? unindependent?
<travly> yeah
<XaSer> thanks!
<travly> no problem, really =)


#13444 +(623)- [X]

<@Shadowbuilder> haha have you ever seen that commercial
<@Shadowbuilder> theres kid talking on a chat room
<@NwG|Canucks> no explain
<@Shadowbuilder> hes cybering with some girl, and he says "moan, moan for me as load as possible"
<@Shadowbuilder> then you hear thing sound come from the corner of his house, soudns like moaning
<@Shadowbuilder> and the kid says "mom?????"
<@NwG|Canucks> lol


Alright, that's it. I'm out of tears! This **** is too freakin hillarious for me! I must stop now! Good nite everyone

[Subby]

#466257 +(945)- [X]

<vrit> oh god damn, that beer just suddenly snuck up on my bladder all special-ops style
<vrit> it was all metal beer solid

[Subby]

#818305 +(1161)- [X]

<XaSer> what's the word for NOT independent? unindependent?
<travly> yeah
<XaSer> thanks!
<travly> no problem, really =)


#13444 +(623)- [X]

<@Shadowbuilder> haha have you ever seen that commercial
<@Shadowbuilder> theres kid talking on a chat room
<@NwG|Canucks> no explain
<@Shadowbuilder> hes cybering with some girl, and he says "moan, moan for me as load as possible"
<@Shadowbuilder> then you hear thing sound come from the corner of his house, soudns like moaning
<@Shadowbuilder> and the kid says "mom?????"
<@NwG|Canucks> lol


Alright, that's it. I'm out of tears! This **** is too freakin hillarious for me! I must stop now! Good nite everyone

aye me too...my jaw is aching with laughing

[cobain]

aye me too...my jaw is aching with laughing

But I can't! It's always just another one! and another one after that ... Jesus...



#58748 +(389)- [X]

<@_aa_> I need more friends
<@_aa_> good ones
<@_aa_> instead of bad friends
<@_aa_> but I guess there's no such thing as bad friends
<biVulate> aa: join a fraternity :P
<@_aa_> I said friends not people who will super glue my penis to a milk crate when I'm asleep


#146989 +(170)- [X]

<Entriech> Theatre tickets are 91$ at the cheapest?
<Entriech> Jesus Christ.
<Entriech> What do they think I am, made of money?
<Entriech> Cause even if I was, that's like sawing my dick in half for theatre tickets.

[cobain]

#666814 +(415)- [X]

<Curt^> and mexicans try so hard to goto my land
<Filefragg> electric fences would help
<Curt^> Mexicans would just use them as a power source

[cobain]

#892 +(497)- [X]

<BlackDeth> ________________________
<BlackDeth> / )&#183;&#183;,,
<BlackDeth> / \___________________/ ``,,
<BlackDeth> ( ) ) ikkenai
<BlackDeth> `&#183;-^-?
<hypr> damnit
<hypr> ****ing mom walked in and saw da c0ck
<hypr> lamers

#1456 +(77)- [X]


#2499 +(828)- [X]

<Fly_kEaT> ok so what time now in russia?
<amsea_> 17:06
<Fly_kEaT> am or pm?


#71435 +(178)- [X]

<Slyder> I think i found what i am going to buy
<Slyder> http://www.futureshop.ca/catalog/pro...000FS10006972&
catid=10220&logon=&langid=EN&dept=1&WLBS=fsweb6&MS CSProfile=04F5E73718534B93F3C511
B6289DBD5550C54405B2BE30A52CB53ABFF8716E7FE52D9C5C 57B21A5894C6A6E05467561C22530DBF
981DF35CB5F364A5C835B6B7135EA94E78B9705B401CC5D977 D837F3C134AC33E90B98115492CDA152
3C33E076FB2030322CB217386F89CB622647687BDD9F8FE7C5 E5FF
<Slyder> thoughts?
<Hadaken> Get a shorter URL

[mchaggis]

Some lads changes his name to You.
Then disconnects. The message "* You have been disconnected from the server. Please reconnect." is displayed and everyone else disconnects and reconnects.

Make sense now?

nope, mr. smart guy
if you use /me <whatever> on IRC it displays *yourname <whatever>

so he typed /me have been disconnected from the server. Please reconnect.
and the other guys reconnected.

[loco_law]

just corrected you grammar mistake, mate

You're such a ****er.

[Harv]

**** me this one is the funniest one yet,Bloodnija is back!!

#642195 +(6139)- [X]

sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look I’m sorry. I’m just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. I’m in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Don’t ****ing laugh at me!
bloodninja: This **** is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a ****ing break
bloodninja: I’m serious.
sweet17: I don’t get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: I’m wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: It’s kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are ****ing sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren’t one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I’m not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: **** you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren’t you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don’t want to send you the picture cause I’m not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren’t
sweet17: IM NOT A ****ING COP YOU DICK****!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What’s your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I’m looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I’ve lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I’m not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn’t you.
bloodninja: I’ll be damned if it ain’t!
sweet17: You don’t look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy….
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go **** yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won’t get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn’t have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You’ve done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn’t hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can’t believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can’t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: **** YOU!!!
bloodninja: You’d break both of his legs.
sweet17: You’re a ****ing ******!
sweet17: I’ve been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don’t even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I’m sorry.
sweet17: No you aren’t
bloodninja: You’re right. I’m not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I’m done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I’m sorry.
sweet17: I’m putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: I’ll eat your kitty
sweet17: You’ll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I’d eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn’t get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I’d like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I’m not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don’t know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I’m afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn’t that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to
sweet17: I didn’t say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp… you say “HARRRR!!!”
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can’t be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It’s my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you’ll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh …going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I **** harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: …still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A ****ING PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a ****ing candy apple…
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: **** YOU DICKHEAD!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin…
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: …going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

im ****ing crying here!!!

bloodninja is a god

[MARTINOZ]

#831458 +(942)- [X]
evilada: damn girls are too confusing about what they want from guys
lantern: Well they certainly know what they dont want
lantern: see now i'm tall, but not athletic, i don't have a full head of hair
lantern: so bam three strikes
evilada: girls dont work like baseball
evilada: if they did, everyone would cheer if you stole second base when no one was looking
evilada: and thats the complete opposite of what happens, trust me


#829456 +(2500)- [X]
<TB> I was depressed last night so I called the Suicide Life Line.
<TB> I reached a call center in Pakistan.
<TB> I told them I was suicidal.
<TB> They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck


#828460 +(1525)- [X]
<+DethFromAbove> rmuser she is not ugly
<+DethFromAbove> she is fat yeah
<+DethFromAbove> but I saw past that
<+DethFromAbove> I don't know what to call that
<+DethFromAbove> I'm not sure if it's love or what
<@rmuser> gravitational lensing


#827929 +(1286)- [X]
Seppukakke: You know, in the Old Testament, God was full of Wroth and Vengeance. You did bad stuff, he rained brimstone down on your ungrateful ass or harrassed your people with 7 plagues.
Seppukakke: In the New Testament, its like he has turned over a new leaf, you don't hear some much of the nasty things he did to his people (because if you believe in it, everyone on earth is his creation)
Seppukakke: You know what happened around the time between the New Testament and the Old Testament?
Seppukakke: He got laid.



#38717 +(263)- [X]
<Foxworth> well, I just saw an ad for a birth control patch
<TRC> yeah
<TRC> they have had it for a while
<Stom> does it go over the vagina?



#572589 +(1721)- [X]
<Kiell> so it was my mate's funeral the other day
<Kiell> the parents asked his girlfriend to choose a song that he liked.
<Kiell> and between them they picked out "Bombtrack" by Rage Against The Machine.
<Kiell> So, just before the coffin disappeared to be cremated, Zach de la Rocha is screaming "burn, burn, yes you're gonna burn".
<Kiell> Funniest. Funeral. Ever.


#1728 +(774)- [X]
<Jeffwey> i will buy a camoflouged condom so u wont see me coming

[MARTINOZ]

<dauphin> wrath, what do you mean in a sense you're also african?
<wrath> cause i was born here
<dauphin> are you black?
<wrath> no
<GWF> yeah, you arent african wrath
<GWF> if a dog is born in a stable it doesnt make it a horse

[MARTINOZ]

<dez> lol got some hot lesbian thinking im one
<g0dly1> heh, same, actually, just sent her a pic of my ex
<dez> .....
<dez> is your sceenname josihawt190?
<g0dly1> yes
<g0dly1> ****
<dez> oh ****
<g0dly1> we never speak of this to anyone
<dez> agreed