The top 100 forum quotes

[Subby]

5 hours and 6 pints of guinness....I must have read a good few '000 of them

[redmacca]

You sat and read it all in one go? You sad fecker!!!

i aint sad in fact it made me quite cheerful!

[Reaper]

Yeah well I suppose id better come clean here mate..

I too read the full thread in one go after RP_McMurphy pointed me toward it..

Managed to spill beer on myself twice as I recall,
I was well 'refreshed' by the time I got to the end too

My personal Faves have to be Bloodninja and Cheesedog obvioulsy

but little gems such as

WTF is a plaindrome
No its not Dude

are exactly the kinda smart arsed **** I come out with and therefore appealed to me too

[redmacca]

the site is blocked at my work so iv just been reading what people have posted on here but **** me its funny!

<Galactic> I'd be thinking
<Galactic> "that's a 6 foot ****in RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap... what the **** was I just smoking?"

****in comedy genius

[PTP]

bumped for Reaper (cheers liv )

[RedWolverine]

evil_sarah_bitch: Hey.
victim-X-#7: Hi
evil_sarah_bitch: What's up?
victim-X-#7: not much...just looking for hot pussy pics...you???
evil_sarah_bitch: Not much.
evil_sarah_bitch: Are those really your pictures on your profile?
victim-X-#7: yep...the ones in the briefcase too...except the first one...
evil_sarah_bitch: The first one?
victim-X-#7: in the briefcase...
evil_sarah_bitch: Oh. Who's the first one?
victim-X-#7: who knows...
evil_sarah_bitch: You have a nice farmer tan.
victim-X-#7: thanks...
evil_sarah_bitch: I like that.
victim-X-#7: so what about you ...any more pics...
evil_sarah_bitch: Why don't you have any hair on your balls?
evil_sarah_bitch: You got cancer?
victim-X-#7: I love to shave...feels good when I play...
victim-X-#7: lol
victim-X-#7: nope
evil_sarah_bitch: Going through chemo?
victim-X-#7: no I am not...shave every other day
evil_sarah_bitch: Doesn't it itch?
victim-X-#7: it can yep...
evil_sarah_bitch: I shaved once.
evil_sarah_bitch: It grew back thicker.
victim-X-#7: it can yep...
evil_sarah_bitch: Yeah.
evil_sarah_bitch: Now each hair is about the diameter of a pencil.
victim-X-#7: no way
evil_sarah_bitch: Way.
evil_sarah_bitch: It really itches.
victim-X-#7: then scratch it...
evil_sarah_bitch: Yeah. Maybe I'll try that.
evil_sarah_bitch: So you like big girls?
victim-X-#7: yes...
evil_sarah_bitch: I'm pretty big.
victim-X-#7: any more pics...?
evil_sarah_bitch: I have a few.
victim-X-#7: want to share
evil_sarah_bitch: Some nude. Some clothed.
evil_sarah_bitch: Let's talk.
victim-X-#7: about???
evil_sarah_bitch: Tell me about yourself.
victim-X-#7: like..?...u can see the pics
evil_sarah_bitch: You ever cut your balls shaving?
victim-X-#7: show me...
victim-X-#7: nick them once in awhile...
evil_sarah_bitch: What the hell are you trying to say. 'like ..?"
evil_sarah_bitch: Speak English.
victim-X-#7: what do you want me to tell you...like what...?
evil_sarah_bitch: What do you do for a living?
victim-X-#7: I am looking for women who have pics of their pussies and who want to cyber
victim-X-#7: not looking for a job interview...lol
victim-X-#7: trucking dispatcher
evil_sarah_bitch: I don't think I can send you a picture of my pussy.
victim-X-#7: ok...why
evil_sarah_bitch: I don't think I can fit all of it on the scanner.
victim-X-#7: ok
evil_sarah_bitch: Some of it will hang over the sides.
evil_sarah_bitch: Last time I tried it, I had to throw the scanner away.
evil_sarah_bitch: After about a week it started to develop a strange smell.
victim-X-#7: ok
evil_sarah_bitch: Want me to send you a picture of my hands?
victim-X-#7: no
evil_sarah_bitch: Why not?
victim-X-#7: pussys and titties do...
evil_sarah_bitch: I'm a massage therapist.
victim-X-#7: good for you...still don't do anything for me...
evil_sarah_bitch: Want a picture of my titties then?
victim-X-#7: sure
evil_sarah_bitch: Ok. How can I send it?
victim-X-#7: hands don't thrill me...
victim-X-#7: go to the main screen for messenger and right click on my name and send file
evil_sarah_bitch: Don't ****ing make fun of my hands.
evil_sarah_bitch: Ok.
evil_sarah_bitch: Hang on.
victim-X-#7: wasnt
evil_sarah_bitch: You better not.
evil_sarah_bitch: I'm going to send it now. Hang on.
evil_sarah_bitch: You ready?
victim-X-#7: yes
evil_sarah_bitch: ok. here it comes.
evil_sarah_bitch: Did you get it?
victim-X-#7: coming now
evil_sarah_bitch: I'm wearing my prom dress.
victim-X-#7: very lovely...would love to cum on them and lick you clean
evil_sarah_bitch: Would you really?
victim-X-#7: oh yes....
evil_sarah_bitch: Would you do it right now?
victim-X-#7: I love the taste of my cum
evil_sarah_bitch: Yeah, do you also like the taste of menstual blood mixed with vaginosis?
victim-X-#7: don't think so...
evil_sarah_bitch: Because you'll get a whole mouth full of it if you start licking me today.
evil_sarah_bitch: See how I'm holding my tits?
victim-X-#7: yes
evil_sarah_bitch: If I let them go...
victim-X-#7: yes?
evil_sarah_bitch: They hang under my armpits.
victim-X-#7: they look good
evil_sarah_bitch: Thanks.
evil_sarah_bitch: I'll point them at you like this while we ****.
victim-X-#7: ok...
victim-X-#7: have to get some work done...be back later
evil_sarah_bitch: You want to have sex now?
victim-X-#7: no
evil_sarah_bitch: Why not?
victim-X-#7: too busy at work
evil_sarah_bitch: Want me to send you a picture of my c-section scars?
victim-X-#7: no
evil_sarah_bitch: Why not?
evil_sarah_bitch: I though you said I was sexy.
victim-X-#7: have to work...
evil_sarah_bitch: How busy can you be?
victim-X-#7: send them...
evil_sarah_bitch: You're a ****ing dick.
evil_sarah_bitch: You don't really think I'm sexy at all. Do you?
victim-X-#7: no, I have a ****ing dick...I didn't lie...
victim-X-#7: you started the name calling...
victim-X-#7: it's been fun...adios
evil_sarah_bitch: I want to have cyber sex! NOW!
victim-X-#7: so have it...
evil_sarah_bitch: I'm trying. You aren't any fun.
victim-X-#7: sorry...
evil_sarah_bitch: You're a little ****ing bitch.
victim-X-#7: thanks
evil_sarah_bitch: You can't handle a woman like me.
victim-X-#7: ok
evil_sarah_bitch: Come on. Tell me how you're licking me clean.
victim-X-#7: no
evil_sarah_bitch: DO IT!!
victim-X-#7: no...would have until you started with the names...shouldn't have been rude
evil_sarah_bitch: Want me to tell you what I'm wearing?
victim-X-#7: any more **** at all and you go on ignore...ok????
evil_sarah_bitch: Ok.
evil_sarah_bitch: I'm sorry.
victim-X-#7: ok...what are you wearing
evil_sarah_bitch: I have on that same black dress as in the picture.
victim-X-#7: that is lovely
evil_sarah_bitch: Yeah.
evil_sarah_bitch: I have it tied around my head like a bandana.
victim-X-#7: anything else on...?
evil_sarah_bitch: I've gained a little weight since that photo was taken.
victim-X-#7: I love BBW
evil_sarah_bitch: No. I can't even get that thing over one leg these days.
victim-X-#7: lol
evil_sarah_bitch: Come on. Tell me how you'll 'lick me clean'.
victim-X-#7: after I shoot my cum inside you???
evil_sarah_bitch: Whoa. Slow down cowboy. You jump right to the finale'.
evil_sarah_bitch: I need a little foreplay.
victim-X-#7: understand...but I can't now...have to work...
victim-X-#7: and too many people here...look for me later...
victim-X-#7: bye
evil_sarah_bitch: No. I've got myself all prepped for it.
victim-X-#7: no???...sorry
evil_sarah_bitch: It's not easy to get in this position.
evil_sarah_bitch: I have to squat on two folding chairs to even reach my vagina.
evil_sarah_bitch: Come on.
victim-X-#7: then do it...have to go...
evil_sarah_bitch: I have to use a stick.
evil_sarah_bitch: Have you ever seen the movie Jaws?
evil_sarah_bitch: Remember whan Roy Scheider was chumming the water?
evil_sarah_bitch: And had to wrap the rag soaked in Old Spice around his face?
victim-X-#7: bye
evil_sarah_bitch: To keep from puking?
<<Yehaa Pager: victim-x has logged out.>>
evil_sarah_bitch: Hello?
evil_sarah_bitch: Hello?

[RedWolverine]

evil_sarah: What's up big guy?
victimx-9: not much, and u?
evil_sarah:Not much. Just sitting here.
evil_sarah: What are you doing?
victimx-9: lol, i`m doing that too
evil_sarah: I bet you're not doing what I'm doing.
victimx-9: hehe, now depends what ur doing???
victimx-9: lol
evil_sarah: I'm sitting on the toilet.
victimx-9: nice smiling pic you have there
evil_sarah: Eating a bucket of fried chicken.
evil_sarah: Thanks.
victimx-9: with a computer on your lap?
evil_sarah: yeah. A lap top.
victimx-9: novell i suppose
evil_sarah: The keyboard is all greasy.
victimx-9: i`ll bet
victimx-9: so why you doing that?
evil_sarah: And there's gravy all over the screen.
evil_sarah: I don't know. I like chicken and I had to take a ****.
evil_sarah: So... one thing led to another.
victimx-9: ok
evil_sarah: You at work?
victimx-9: no, at home
evil_sarah: Me too.
evil_sarah: I work at home.
evil_sarah: I do this all the time.
evil_sarah: Yesterday I took a **** while I ate lunch too. It was nice so I decided to do it again.
victimx-9: right
evil_sarah: I had fajitas yesterday.
evil_sarah: ...and I burnt my thighs.
victimx-9: what do you do then?
evil_sarah: Have you ever seen those ads that say Work at home? Make $1000 a day?
victimx-9: yep
evil_sarah: That's what I do.
victimx-9: ok
evil_sarah: Except without the $1000.
evil_sarah: Hang on. I have to dump some of these bones...
victimx-9: k
evil_sarah: Allright. I'm back.
victimx-9: k
evil_sarah: Whooo. Man. I'm so full.
evil_sarah: This is great.
victimx-9: i`ll bet
evil_sarah: I'm just eating drumsticks so I can flush the bones.
victimx-9: you one crasy bitch
evil_sarah: Hey, do you want some advice?
victimx-9: ok
evil_sarah: Don't ever try to eat chinese food on the toilet.
evil_sarah: It's ****ing impossible.
victimx-9: right, i`l l remember that
evil_sarah: GOD DAMMIT!
evil_sarah: Hang on.
evil_sarah: The toilet is backing up!
victimx-9: What happened?
evil_sarah: I have too many bones in there!
evil_sarah: Son of a BITCH!
evil_sarah: It's overflowing allover the mother****ing bathroom!
evil_sarah: Hold on!
evil_sarah: There's **** and chicken bones and toilet water
................and pieces of corn all over the place.
evil_sarah: You there?
victimx-9: nasty, best leave you to clean it up
evil_sarah: No! wait!
evil_sarah: It'll only take me a minute.
evil_sarah: Then we'll have cyber sex, ok?
victimx-9: oh well that`s a bit forward
victimx-9: who says i want cyber??
victimx-9: do you have a nother pic?
evil_sarah: Come on. I think we both know that you're attracted to me.
victimx-9: how do you get to that conclusion?
evil_sarah: Hang on a minute while I wipe my ass.
victimx-9:: k
evil_sarah: Ok. I'm back.
victimx-9: k
evil_sarah: Ok. you ready?
victimx-9: go for it then
evil_sarah: Ok, you start.
evil_sarah: I'm kind of shy.
victimx-9: no no, please after you
evil_sarah: Come on. Don't be such a wimp.
evil_sarah: Squeeze my tits.
victimx-9: well i don`t know you
victimx-9: how big r they?
evil_sarah: Wait. Maybe I better spray some air freshner in here.
evil_sarah: It kind of stinks.
victimx-9: might be a good idea
evil_sarah: My tits? They're enormous.
evil_sarah: One of them is a lot bigger than the other one though.
evil_sarah: Mostly because of the tumors.
evil_sarah: Hello?
victimx-9: will you change the subject please
evil_sarah: Come on. Don't be shy. Spank my ass and pull my hair.
victimx-9: what tumors?
evil_sarah: Oh, it's nothing. They stopped bleeding already.
evil_sarah: Hello? You there?
victimx-9: no
evil_sarah: What's the matter?
victimx-9: not interested
evil_sarah: Why not?
evil_sarah: You think you're better than me or something?
victimx-9: your a bit too crude for me
evil_sarah: I'm sorry. I can be nice if you want.
victimx-9: oh right
evil_sarah: Don't leave me hanging like this. I'm all juiced up and ready to go.
victimx-9: lucky you
victimx-9: send us a pic then
evil_sarah: You got your pants down yet?
evil_sarah: Us? How many of you are there.
evil_sarah: Ok. I'll send you a more recent one.
victimx-9: no
evil_sarah: You ready?
evil_sarah: Here it comes.
victimx-9: just me, and the wife
evil_sarah: You're married?!
victimx-9: yes
evil_sarah: You mother****er.
victimx-9: why
evil_sarah: What the **** do you think you're doing having cyber sex with me then?
victimx-9: i`m not
evil_sarah: Does your wife know that you try to **** girls on the internet?
evil_sarah: You're a no good lousy cheater.
victimx-9: piss off
evil_sarah: Put your wife on the line.
victimx-9: i never did
evil_sarah: Let me talk to her.
victimx-9: yes
evil_sarah: Is this the wife?
victimx-9: yes
evil_sarah: What's your name honey? This is Sarah.
victimx-9: Pamela
evil_sarah: Hi Pamela.
victimx-9: hi Sarah
evil_sarah: Who would you say is the celebrity that you most resemble?
victimx-9: Pamela Anderson
evil_sarah: Yeah right.
evil_sarah: For real.
evil_sarah: Tel me.
victimx-9: not anyone really
victimx-9: and u?
evil_sarah: Your husband's profile says he likes BBWs so you must be a fatass like me.
evil_sarah: My picture is on line sweetheart. Go take a look at it.
evil_sarah: I'm ****ing beautiful.
victimx-9: no, i`m not
victimx-9: i`m average
evil_sarah: How much do you weigh?
victimx-9: i have seen it
victimx-9: 9 st
evil_sarah: 9 st. What the hell is that?
evil_sarah: Pounds baby POUNDS!
victimx-9: 9 stone
evil_sarah: Give it to me in LBS!
victimx-9: don`t ask me in pounds
victimx-9: 14 pounds to stone i think
evil_sarah: Why not. What is that? 220? 230?
evil_sarah: 14 times 9 is only 126.
victimx-9: 126
evil_sarah: What are you? 3 feet tall?
victimx-9: 5 2
evil_sarah: Wow. How tall is that husband of yours?
victimx-9: how big r u?
victimx-9: 5 8
evil_sarah: Why? Are you scared of me?
evil_sarah: I'm 6'1"
evil_sarah: 230.
victimx-9: no
victimx-9: send us a full pic then?
evil_sarah: That's 16.5 stones missy.
evil_sarah: Ok.
evil_sarah: I will.
evil_sarah: You ready?
evil_sarah: Here it comes.
victimx-9: yep
victimx-9: sending you mine
evil_sarah: Ok.
evil_sarah: I can't wait.
victimx-9: sent it
evil_sarah: Yeah. here it comes.
victimx-9: k
victimx-9: got it yet?
evil_sarah: Not yet. Hang on.
evil_sarah: Ok. I got it.
evil_sarah: Wow. You're a dog.
victimx-9: well thanxs
evil_sarah: No. I'm just kidding.
evil_sarah: You got nice tits.
victimx-9: ok
evil_sarah: If I was a lezbo, i'd do you.
victimx-9: you bi
evil_sarah: Are you?
victimx-9: no, i`m not
evil_sarah: Yeah. Me either.
evil_sarah: Put your husband back on.
victimx-9: you got a pair of hooters on you as well
victimx-9: k
victimx-9: why?
evil_sarah: Yeah. Mine are all ****ed up now with tumors and scabs.
victimx-9: why?
evil_sarah: I want to have some cyber sex with him. Go get him.
evil_sarah: You can watch.
victimx-9: i don`t think so
evil_sarah: Why not.
victimx-9: no need for that, he`s got me
evil_sarah: He got me all hormy earlier and then he told me he was married.
victimx-9: why would he do that?
evil_sarah: This isn't the first time either.
evil_sarah: He's a big tease.
victimx-9: i was here, and you started it
evil_sarah: He always does this to me.
evil_sarah: He tells me that if i want any of that Limey cock of his,
................ I have to put my ass on a plane and come and get it.
evil_sarah: Isn't that how he and you met?
victimx-9: no
evil_sarah: That's what he told me.
evil_sarah: He says you gave him crabs too.
victimx-9: you a real evil bitch aren`t you
evil_sarah: Oh. Wait. That wasn't you.
victimx-9: haha
evil_sarah: No I'm not.
victimx-9: bye bye
evil_sarah: No. Dont' go.
victimx-9: why?
evil_sarah: I want to talk to you some more.
evil_sarah: Send me some more pictures.
evil_sarah: Send me some nude ones.
victimx-9: sure, mister whatever your name is
evil_sarah: Mister?
victimx-9: go **** yourself
evil_sarah: What?!
evil_sarah: Watch your mouth woman.
victimx-9: if you not bi why do you want nude ones
evil_sarah: Is this the husband again?
victimx-9: we r both here
evil_sarah: You look more like a man.
evil_sarah: I'll cover up the face with my thumb.
evil_sarah: Otherwise it won't work for me.
evil_sarah: Have you two ever been to the states?
victimx-9: no
evil_sarah: What part of England do you live in?
evil_sarah: Wouldn't you rather live in the USA?
evil_sarah: instead of that depressing, ****-bag country you live in?
evil_sarah: I bet you two have Mad Cow disease already.
evil_sarah: Hello?
evil_sarah: Are you there?
evil_sarah: ANSWER ME!!!
victimx-9: <<has logged out>>

[Migselv]

bump...

[wiw]

bump

[meffin]

good bump

[Reaper]

bump

get the other links posted wiw mate

[wiw]

get the other links posted wiw mate

eh?

[Reaper]

http://www.bash.org/?top

http://www.bash.org/?top2

http://www.bash.org/?latest

[wiw]

oh.. nice one

[Reaper]

(Mootar) morons.
(Mootar) these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless
(Mootar) they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network
(Mootar) unfortunatly, the connection works both ways
(Mootar) long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer




<kaber> My buddy just got a divorce. they had 4 kids. she met some new guy and she thinks she'll have it better with him
<kaber> so the women leave thinking it's greener on the other side and what not.. and they usually end up getting shafted even more
<tomalak> kaber: I think that's the point.



<@blackbart> lol this guy was showing me his new phone at work the other day
<@blackbart> so while i was looking at it i changed his contact entry for his dad to my number
<@blackbart> just got a call from him and answered with "hello son, i dont love you and your adopted"
<@blackbart> cant stop laughing




<imp0rt> guys i got some new spanish neighbours anyone know some spanish?
<niiiiike> im fluent
<imp0rt> K can you help me say
<imp0rt> I would like to welcome you to our neighbourhood
<imp0rt> sounds cheesy i know but they got some hot daughter :P
<niiiiike> erm..
<niiiiike> Me gustaria chupar los senos de su hija
<imp0rt> You sreious?
<niiiiike> Yeh, got it off translater tho XD
<imp0rt> K ty
<imp0rt> brb daughter flirting time
*** Imp0rt has Quit IRC (QUIT: getting spanish pussy)
<|t34b4gg1n|> That isn't right is it?
<niiiiike> Course not XD it means i wanna suck on you daughters tits ahahahha
<|t34b4gg1n|> You, sir are evil XD
about 10 minutes later
*** Imp0rt has joined #Rand
<imp0rt> **** you nike ****in tellin me bull****
<niiiiike> WHAT?!?! Man you must have pronouned something wrong
<niiiiike> cos like
<niiiiike> if you say "sen" "os" it means somethin like rubbish
<niiiiike> so you would've insulted their house
<niiiiike> its pronouned
<niiiiike> "sien" "yos"
<imp0rt> oh, i didn't know :\
<imp0rt> ima go tell em again, hopefully they'll understand
*** Imp0rt has Quit IRC (QUIT: 2nd time)
<|t34b4gg1n|> i almosts feel sorry for him
<niiiiike> not me.




<ikkenai> i don't have hard drives. i just keep 30 Chinese teenagers in my basement and force them to memorize numbers




<trunck> how long doesschool have a vacation?
<Nec> till monday, i think
<<Nec> next week, that is.
<trunck> whoa
<trunck> really long
<trunck> ****ing school kids
<Nec> is illegal.





<Justin|> tool: hey, you wanna hear a really horrible love story?
<Nemephosis> you broke your hand?