Crap Jokes

[Gibbo]

Watching the Paralympics has taught me so much about acceptance of other people's different abilities but also...

If they can lift more, throw further and run faster than me, how come they still get to park closer than me at Tesco?

[Subby]

What do gay Africans eat?

Nothing, just like the rest of them.

[Sconniee2]

When Christopher Reeves was alive....

What is the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken

[Liverpel]

When Christopher Reeves was alive....

What is the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken

Bender, is that you?

[baitman]

Some bird was giving me a hand job last night. "You're really good at this," I said, "what's your secret?" "Years of practice," she giggled."You've done this to loads of guys then? I asked."No" came the reply, "my name used to be Derek."

[The Glove]

Some bird was giving me a hand job last night. "You're really good at this," I said, "what's your secret?" "Years of practice," she giggled."You've done this to loads of guys then? I asked."No" came the reply..........

.........My dad had no arms.

[kev776]

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella.
Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stella?"
Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round I was f**king skint."
Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."
Bloke replies, "Skint's my dogs name!!!."

[baitman]

.........My dad had no arms.

thats devotion to your father for you. thanks for sharing...

[Boogs]

Blind prostitutes;
you really have to hand it to them

[ChesterDave]

Apparently its International Talk Like A Pirate Day but I think its riduculous to learn Somali for a one day novelty

[Subby]

What's the difference between Stevie Wonder and Jeremy Forrest?..

Jeremy Forrest only has one ****ed pupil.

[Fan65]

The missing couple have been found and the teacher has said they were only in France on a Maths field trip to show her how many times 30 goes into 15

[Stanbull]

My pet mouse Elvis has just died...............

He was caught in a trap!

[Stanbull]

It's good news, the girl who ran away with her teacher has passed her French oral....

[RoadEnd]

Sample GCSE maths question....... a car travelling to france gets 35 miles to the gallon and petrol is £1.35 per litre. Travelling are a 30 year old man and a 15 year old girl. The ferry ticket costs £48 per adult and £23 per child. The maths teacher has £453. How many times does the lucky ******* manage to empty his bollocks before he is caught????