Crap Jokes

[baitman]

Why are there no drugs in the Jungle?

Because the Parrotsatethemall.

A bit early to be opening the Christmas crackers

[Slinky Skills]

A bit early to be opening the Christmas crackers

[SB]

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[baitman]

A couple were on their honeymoon:

Lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband:

"I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies. "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues. "Yeah, I've been with one other guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they get done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" Says the wife.

The husband says. "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.

"What are you doing?" She says.

The husband says. "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get some food."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it one more time."

The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat.

He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks. "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole."

[DerKrampus]

You see that was good until the last nonsensical line.

Also God lied as he said "The hell you saw".

[SB]

The only time i ever get asked for sex is on application forms.��

[SB]

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[SB]

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[Slinky Skills]

I recently switched all the labels on my wife's Spice rack.

She doesn't know it yet, but her Thyme's Cumin.

[SB]

I recently switched all the labels on my wife's Spice rack.

She doesn't know it yet, but her Thyme's Cumin.

[SB]

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[Norbs]

I recently switched all the labels on my wife's Spice rack.

She doesn't know it yet, but her Thyme's Cumin.

[SB]

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[SB]

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[SB]

The Madam opened the brothel door in Belfast and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties:

“May I help you sir?” She asked.

The man replied. “I want to see Rosie.”

“Sir, Rosie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else.” Said the madam.

He replied. “No, I must see Rosie.”

Just then, Rosie appeared and announced to the man she charged £10,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten thousand pounds and gave it to Rosie and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Rosie. Rosie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. “There are no discounts. The price is still £10,000.”

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Rosie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Rosie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Rosie said to the man. “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?”

The man replied. “Falls Road .”

“Really.” She said. “I have family on the Falls Road.”

“I know.” The man said. “Your sister died and I am her Solicitor. She asked me to give you your £30,000 inheritance.”

The moral of this story is, that three things in life are certain:

1. Death.

2. Taxes.

3. Being screwed by a lawyer....��