Things that are guaranteed to happen next season

[Craig_H]

1) Arsenal's youth team will beat a couple of lower division sides in the Carling Cup and be proclaimed 'amazing', before drawing a top 8 PL side and being outclassed. Arsene Wenger will plead for 'patience'.

2) Aston Villa will continue to persue Champions League football with an emphatically small squad and Martin O'Neil will describe their achievements as fantastic, when they miss out.

3) Birmingham City will charge around £30 per ticket for visiting fans of all clubs, except for Manchester United, Liverpool and Aston Villa supporters, who will be asked to pay £42.

4) Sam Allardyce will somehow mention his failure to get the England job in a post match interview after Blackburn Rovers have draw 1-1.

5) Bolton Wanderers fans will abuse Gary Megson, despite not actually knowing why they're doing it.

6) Burnley fans will be heralded as one of the most passionate set of fans in the country after a couple of live games at Turf Moor.

7) Chelsea will advertise for fans on the radio.

8) Everton manager David Moyes will stand on the touchline looking stern and bullish.

9) Fulham boss Roy Hodgson will fail to pronounce his 'r's correctly.

10) Hull City's Phil Brown will use a head-set.

11) Rafael Benitez will play a player out of position and talk about 'options'.

12) Manchester City will make more big money signings in January and the players concerned will insist that the move is 'not about money' and describe their happiness at joining such a 'exciting project'.

13) Manchester United's title bid will be aided by ridiculous refereeing decisions, amid their manager's claims that the footballing authorities are 'anti Manchester United'.

14) Portsmouth home matches will be beseiged by bell-ringing, drum-beating fans, regardless of the scoreline and everybody barring Portsmouth fans will realise how irritating it sounds.

15) Stoke City will play a ludicrously violent brand of football, which pundits will praise and describe as 'passionate'.

16) Sunderland fans will laud over the fact that they are the only north-east club in the Premier League, despite nobody else really caring. Steve Bruce's head will remain big.

17) Tottenham will finally win a league game with Gareth Bale involved.

18) Gianfranco Zola will never, under any circumstances, say a bad word against anyone.

19) Roberto Martinez will be hailed as a genius if Wigan have a good start, or dismissed as clueless if they have a poor one.

20) Wolves will have a few good home results early on and occupy a top six place, prompting suggestions of a comfortable midtable finish, before falling away dreadfully and embarking on an eight-month long relegation battle.

21) Jamie Redknapp will wear painfully tight trousers.

22) Andy Gray will say 'Take a bow son, take a bow'.

23) Sky Sports presenters will express their excitement at the 'most exciting season yet'.

24) Fans of all four English Champions League qualifiers will claim the draw is a 'fix'.

25) Gary Lineker will present Match of the Day with a witless smug grin.

26) Adrian Chiles will present Match of the Day 2 with wit.

27) Fredo will talk nonsense.

Feel free to add your own :)

[Tee]

Michael Owen will get injured.

Fredo will talk nonsense.

[Guest]

Michael Owen will get injured.

Fredo will talk nonsense.

Fredo will be gone.

[Tee]

Fredo will be gone.

:haha: :haha: :cry:

[red g]

Newcastle will appoint Alan Shearer to be the saviour of newcastle after employing and sacking Joe Kinnear, Chris Waddle, Chris hughton, Mirandhina, Dave, Dee, Dozy, beaky, Mick and tich.

[red g]

michael owen will be heralded as a world cup winner after scoring 6 goals in his first ten games. He will then be injured for the rest of the season

Alex ferguson will claim that Ancelloti, Wenger and Benitez are bad for the game without realising he is a foreigner to

[Shanks]

Craig_H will continue to post with the Mancs and nick threads from Redcafe.

:crackoff:

[kev776]

Wenga boy will continue to face the wrong way when it suits him.

Gollum will still be a miserable bastard

[Tee]

Where possible, the Scum will get however minutes necessary added to the end of a game to ensure they can win. This will be signalled to the fourth official ref by fergiescum looking at his watch and his bumboy Phelan having a word.

[Neil Young]

Fans will get screwed by clubs, the FA, Sky, ESPN, kit manufacturers and anyone remotely connected to the "football industry" and I will continue to lose interest in football.

[Neil Young]

Rafael Benitez Maudes will publish a small volume of poetry.

[Neil Young]

Alex Ferguson will say something incredibly hypocritical and no journalist will notice.

[Stanbull]

At christmas Everton will be trying to sell 1/2 season tickets

Joey Barton will be back in jail

Fergiescum will moan about the fixture list favouring Liverpool

West Ham will get sued by someone

Platinni will blame Liverpool fans for something

Blueshite coucillors will try and force a groundshare

Everton will still be a small club

Wayne Rooney will be bald & fatter

Man Ure will play Real Madrid with the commentators wanking themselves silly over the rent boys return to Old Toilet

Everton will make out they are trying to sign some world class player to stimulate fans and boost season ticket sales knowing a) they can't afford him and b) the player wouldn't be seen dead in a blue shirt

[Neil Young]

Fredo will stop talking nonsense.

It has to happen sooner or later.

[Guest]

Fredo will stop talking nonsense.

It has to happen sooner or later.

I wished I contacted you, I could have paid you a visit and it would have made up your day.

[Neil Young]

PTP will bang Jordan. Carheex will find it distasteful.

[Neil Young]

I wished I contacted you earlier, I could have paid you a visit and it would have made up your day.
You see, fredo, I have faith in you. :handshake:

[Rich]

PTP will bang Jordan. Carheex will find it distasteful.

He'd literally explode with excitement.

[Kenneth]

Craig will get banned only to return 4 months later with a different name/avatar and posting style, the latter of which will last for 2 weeks ;).

[Rigadon]

Duncan Jenkins will be appointed as our new Chief Executive. Fact!

[Craig_H]

At christmas Everton will be trying to sell 1/2 season tickets

Joey Barton will be back in jail

Fergiescum will moan about the fixture list favouring Liverpool

West Ham will get sued by someone

Platinni will blame Liverpool fans for something

Blueshite coucillors will try and force a groundshare

Everton will still be a small club

Wayne Rooney will be bald & fatter

Man Ure will play Real Madrid with the commentators wanking themselves silly over the rent boys return to Old Toilet

Everton will make out they are trying to sign some world class player to stimulate fans and boost season ticket sales knowing a) they can't afford him and b) the player wouldn't be seen dead in a blue shirt

:haha: :haha: actually laughed out loud at that one
Duncan Jenkins will be appointed as our new Chief Executive. Fact!

:haha: Chicken sandwiches all round in the board room :rock:

[Craig_H]

Craig_H will continue to post with the Mancs and nick threads from Redcafe.

:crackoff:

Do you see the irony here? :haha:

[little dave hedgehog]

precisely this:

http://i243.photobucket.com/albums/ff63/godimbored69/tricky_bastard.gif

[red g]

Tottenham will nearly sign at least 4 world class players only to end up with 4 next great british things.

[Shanks]

Do you see the irony here? :haha:

Not really..

Care to quote?

[Craig_H]

Not really..

Care to quote?

Quote what?

[RoadEnd]

Posters will still ask for a stream to the game when a hundred have already been posted.

[tiktu]

People will ask to make this thread sticky adding no sexual pun intented.

People will also ask links to this thread in separate threads.

[Shanks]

Quote what?

The irony.

[Craig_H]

The irony.

Well - to know what's on Redcafe, you must be viewing Redcafe yourself, no?

[Shanks]

Well - to know what's on Redcafe, you must be viewing Redcafe yourself, no?

I view a lot of other football forums and news links including Redcafe but I am not registered as a poster on there and nor do I use their forum threads for ideas to post on here.

Ta.

[Craig_H]

I view a lot of other football forums and news links including Redcafe but I am not registered as a poster on there and nor do I use their forum threads for ideas to post on here.

Ta.

:haha: I'm not a poster on there either, believe it or not.

I view it, like you do - and similarly to if someone i know mentions a football based topic that i think has some basis for discussion, i saw the topic and posted it here.

You're welcome.

[Shanks]

Zzzzz.

I was jesting with ya. Laugh it off! :haha:


Things that are guaranteed to happen next season.

Liverpool will win the Premiership. :rock:

[Craig_H]

Zzzzz.

I was jesting with ya. Laugh it off! :haha:


Things that are guaranteed to happen next season.

Liverpool will win the Premiership. :rock:

:D The first thing in my post was a :haha:

[Exiled_red]

I was going to say Everton to be linked with a big name signing for a month or so before the start of the season which mysteriously falls through at an advanced stage of negotiations. But season ticket sales must be going well for them this season :haha:

[carheex]

Frank Lampard will score 20+ goals......each and every one of them via a massive deflection.

[Tee]

Pepe will get at least 2 or 3 goal assists. :rock:

Rooney will swear right in the refs face and get a friendly arm round the shoulder from said ref and told to calm down.

[Pablo1981]

Glen Johnson will be written off in the press as an expensive flop after 5 games of the season.

Michael Owen will be labellled in the press as the buy of the season after 5 games.

Glen Johnson will win PFA Player of The Year.

Michael Owen will be out injured for the remainder of the season by February.

[Vermilion]

Liverpool fans will worry about the future under H&G.:sigh: :handshake:

[Guest]

Neil Young will have a sex change.

[Vermilion]

Neil Young will have a sex change.

Hmmm, wishful thinking ?? :crackoff:

[Exiled_red]

Another Liverpool takeover rumour and more emerging details about our financial situation

[Norbert Dentressangle]

Glen Johnson will be written off in the press as an expensive flop after 5 games of the season.

Michael Owen will be labellled in the press as the buy of the season after 5 games.

Glen Johnson will win PFA Player of The Year.

Michael Owen will be out injured for the remainder of the season by February.

Please let this be true

[Norbert Dentressangle]

Didier Drogba will dive but show a remarkable healing speed once the decision goes his way.

Dirk Kuyt will win applause for his work rate, but his scoring record will be poor.

Scum will withdraw players from internationals and they'll be fine by the following weekend

Richard Keys will howl at the moon

[Pablo1981]

Neil Young will have a sex change.

Marky will have sex



What?! It's got to happen sometime!

[lickedlollipop]

Fellaini will still have stupid Afro hair.

[memzey]

Michael Owen will score against us.

Bound to happen.

[DannyMan2006]

I will find out that a transfer has occured this summer at the same time as everyone else, despite being on the internet and watching SSN 24/7.

I will then moan about a lack of insiders and about all the time I've wasted.

I will go through the same process in January.

:D

[Neil Young]

Neil Young will have a sex change.
YouTube - cat stalking dog

Terrorist kitty. Terrorist cat. Hijack cat...Ignore the cat.
Wise words, mate. :handshake:

[magicalbarnes]

Craig_H will continue to post with the Mancs and nick threads from Redcafe.

:crackoff:
You know what i'v been thinking exactly the same for ages. Most of the threads Craig_H starts are directly from Redcafe.

I was going to mention it but couldn't be bothered. But Shanks007, you have taken the words right out of my mouth!

[Craig_H]

Most of the threads Craig_H starts are directly from Redcafe.


:rash:

Name a few.

Cos you're clearly talking bollocks.

[DannyMan2006]

You know what i'v been thinking exactly the same for ages. Most of the threads Craig_H starts are directly from Redcafe.

I was going to mention it but couldn't be bothered. But Shanks007, you have taken the words right out of my mouth!

Does it really matter if he does?

You also clearly read Redcafe so that's not the problem. And most of the things Craig posts are worth debating so no problem there either.

So if he does or doesn't, who really cares?

[magicalbarnes]

:rash:

Name a few.

Cos you're clearly talking bollocks.
I can't remember them all but off the top of my head theres this one about things that are guaranteed to happen next season, then the one about Pele's predictions.

There are a few othere aswell, that i can't quite remember. The thread titles were copied virtually word for word.

[magicalbarnes]

Does it really matter if he does?

You also clearly read Redcafe so that's not the problem. And most of the things Craig posts are worth debating so no problem there either.

So if he does or doesn't, who really cares?
No it doesn't really matter.

I also read Redcafe now and again to get a view from 'the other side'

[Shanks]

Dumpstar. :source:

At the end of the day, I suppose it's good to have someone on there fighting our corner. :haha:

[Craig_H]

I can't remember them all but off the top of my head theres this one about things that are guaranteed to happen next season, then the one about Pele's predictions.

There are a few othere aswell, that i can't quite remember. The thread titles were copied virtually word for word.

The Pele predictions one was from an email to the link of the site it was on.
I think it was goal.com or something like that. Quite a few things posted on forums tend to come from that kind of thing.

It's interesting how you sound so sure of what you say, yet arent able to come up with more than one example. Conclusive stuff.

[Craig_H]

Dumpstar. :source:

At the end of the day, I suppose it's good to have someone on there fighting our corner. :haha:

:D I dont actually post on there, so unfortunately i'm not there to fight anyone's corner. To be fair though, you probably dont need much help given some of the manc plebs i've seen posting there. :D

[Mattshark]

We will concede one set piece goal all season and we will be berated as having terrible set piece defence for it. Every other team will however concede a lot more set pieces.

[carheex]

Anfield will remain a fortress and yet we will still be criticised for "zonal" marking.

[Norbert Dentressangle]

We will concede one set piece goal all season and we will be berated as having terrible set piece defence for it. Every other team will however concede a lot more set pieces.

Berrated for zonal marking :handshake:

[pondus]

Pepe will win the golden glove for the fourth time, but will still not be regarded as a top keeper because he isn't in Mr Fergusons squad.

[magicalbarnes]

The Pele predictions one was from an email to the link of the site it was on.
I think it was goal.com or something like that. Quite a few things posted on forums tend to come from that kind of thing.

It's interesting how you sound so sure of what you say, yet arent able to come up with more than one example. Conclusive stuff.

Im not argueing with you, it was just something i noticed that made me chuckle.

[little dave hedgehog]

liverpool to sign bernard

manny to sign for everton

fran comes home from a horrible blind date with a skin full and tells the lads to sort it out and get back to the shop and get a bottle open.

[Neil Young]

liverpool to sign bernard

manny to sign for everton

fran comes home from a horrible blind date with a skin full and tells the lads to sort it out and get back to the shop and get a bottle open.
:haha:

Have you been drinking?

[little dave hedgehog]

i'm having my rose lolly.

[Neil Young]

Dare I ask, what's that?

[little dave hedgehog]

about 2 pounds fifty at the corner shop. they were out of merlot.

[PoolG]

Owen will score in front of the kop and lap it up.

They'll lose 3-1 but he won't care co he got to do it the cunt.

[Craig_H]

Im not argueing with you, it was just something i noticed that made me chuckle.

:D But there actually isnt anything to notice. That's made ME chuckle.

[Neil Young]

about 2 pounds fifty at the corner shop. they were out of merlot.
Ah, I see. Really pushing the boat out today - is it a special birthday?

:crackoff:

[little dave hedgehog]

Ah, I see. Really pushing the boat out today - is it a special birthday?

:crackoff:

what of it?

[Neil Young]

what of it?
Nothing, nothing...

Er, happy birthday.

:cool:

[little dave hedgehog]

right, on to the buttered barm and chips...

[Jaymo]

2nd rate, piss poor teams to successfully park the bus against us, arsenal and chelsea.. but manage to roll over for man utd, and let them spank them 4-0

[Shanks]

2nd rate, piss poor teams to successfully park the bus against us, arsenal and chelsea.. but manage to roll over for man utd, and let them spank them 4-0

I can't see that happening next season.
I think a few teams will give them a decent game, expecting to get something.

[BobTheCharmer]

Michael Owen will get injured.

Fredo will talk nonsense.

redeemed! :haha:

[Craig_H]

Re-reading the Man Utd one from the opening post...

Spooky.

[Exiled_red]

Re-reading the Man Utd one from the opening post...

Spooky.

Not really that spooky, it's one of the certainties of life