Crap Jokes

[Gray]

I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me.
"Fancy buying me a drink?" She said,
"Sure." I replied. "If you let me choose."
"OK." She grinned, "But how
do you know what I want?"
"Well, it's kind of a talent" I smiled, "All I do is look a girl up and down and I know exactly what drink suits her best."
"OK", she giggled. "You can choose for me." So I turned to the barman and said,
"Diet coke mate."

[Kloppster]

I was standing at the bar when a girl came up to me.
"Fancy buying me a drink?" She said,
"Sure." I replied. "If you let me choose."
"OK." She grinned, "But how
do you know what I want?"
"Well, it's kind of a talent" I smiled, "All I do is look a girl up and down and I know exactly what drink suits her best."
"OK", she giggled. "You can choose for me." So I turned to the barman and said,
"Diet coke mate."

like it, love it :-)

[Stanbull]

My wife said " Can you explain why I've just found a pair of women's knickers in your coat pocket?"

I said "Yes, because you are a nosy cunt!!"

[Leyton388]

I was in Australia with the wife recently, when she was stung right on her pussy by a wasp.

I phoned a local doctor, who turned out to be a bit of a laid back surfer type.

"Doc, please help me."

"Hey man, what's up?"

"My wife has been stung on her vagina and it's completely closed up."

"Bummer, dude."

"Cheers Doc, bye."

[Kenneth]

Pretty good.

[Exiled_red]

[Leyton388]

Congratulations to Mr T for winning today's Wimbledon final!

[Liverpel]

Congratulations to Mr T for winning today's Wimbledon final!

It may be the bottle of wine that I've just had but I don't get that.

[ChesterDave]

I didn't get it either.

And 24 alcohol free hours later I still do not.

[Kenneth]

Serena Williams is a biffer.

[RichC]

I think he's saying Serena Williams looks like Mr T. Touch harsh but there you go.

[Gray]

Somewhat unfair to Mr T

[PTP]

Andy Murray will be fine. The British love people who cry after losing something.

Just look at Gazza, Stuart Pearce, and the McCanns.

[Kenneth]

[johnc121]

My mate just asked me if he could put a tea bag in my mouth and fill it with water. He must think I'm some sort of mug