Crap Jokes

[Yozza]

Just got a call from my wife who was running in the Boston Marathon. She said they had a blast and she can't feel her legs.

Glad to hear she's having a good day.

[Maxiedge]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles
gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"

brilliant, absolutely brilliant

[wavydavy]

Just got a call from my wife who was running in the Boston Marathon. She said they had a blast and she can't feel her legs.

Glad to hear she's having a good day.

If she's in Boston you'll think she'd have more than a feeling'.

[RoadEnd]

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[Kenneth]

.............................

[Norbs]

..................

Too soon Subby

[kev776]

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Texas as he started to drive his boat away from a lake.

The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?" "Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish!?!?"

"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."

"What a line of baloney....you're under arrest."

The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment man. I'll show ya!

We do this all the time!!"

"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"

The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"

"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.

The warden asked, "When are you going to call em back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH," replied the warden!
"
Whut fish?

[Tee]

Don't get it Kev.

[ChesterDave]

Don't get it Kev.

Have a think.

[kev776]

Come on Tee, don't make me explain, you will regret it.

[Tee]

Have a think.

I thunk...and it sunk!

[kev776]

I thunk...and it sunk!

[Tee]

[Yozza]

Don't get it Kev.

Almost as funny as the joke....

[Norbs]

Didn't take much tbf, Thatcher's funeral was funnier too