Crap Jokes

[Reaper]

People reckon that the humour from racist, sexist and offensive threads like this can affect your daily life, but I say that is bollocks.

For example I went into a shop yesterday, and the person serving was black. However at no point did I consider that person a "******," I didn't think "criminal" and the thought of making a racist quip didn't cross my mind.








I was too busy gawping at her tits.

[Reaper]

TOP TIP:

Pretend you've won Formula 1 by placing your thumb over the end of the penis at the point of ejaculation.

[dave edwards]

TOP TIP:

Pretend you've won Formula 1 by placing your thumb over the end of the penis at the point of ejaculation.

[Winstonio]

TOP TIP:

Pretend you've won Formula 1 by placing your thumb over the end of the penis at the point of ejaculation.

Dont get it??

[donpisci]

Dont get it??

Give it a try!

[Reaper]

So, now we know the Stig is apparently Ben Collins, the Le Mans racer.



Was anyone else disappointed to find out it's not Madeleine McCann?

[Subby]

TOP TIP:

Pretend you've won Formula 1 by placing your thumb over the end of the penis at the point of ejaculation.

comedy gold Reaps

[Reaper]

Care to explain it to Winstonio for me mate?

[Subby]

a pleasure me auld mucker....


Formula 1 sprays champagne when they are on the winners roster. By putting thie thumb over the top of the bottle it "sprays" in all directions...like so

http://media.monstersandcritics.com/galleries/1317642/0143003350085.jpg

now imagine doing the thumb over your slit when you cum....FFS surely you can see what I mean without me having to go looking for an image...I'm in work

[Reaper]

Thank god the "S" on my keyboard at home doesn't work...

It means I can apply for jobs and they think I'm just an ex-offender.

[robbielad9]

8 year old boy comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face.
She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes, Mum. I had sex with my English teacher!"
The mother is stunned.
"You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ****in arse is killing me."

[robbielad9]

A man walks into a pub with his monkey.He orders a pint and sits down to drink it.while he`s sitting at the bar,his monkey is out of control.It jumps up on the pool table and eats the cue ball.The landlord runs up to the man and says,"Did you see what your stupid monkey just did?"
"No, what did the stupid ****er do this time?" says the man.
"He just ate the cue ball!" shouts the landlord.
"I hope it kills the stupid *******," says the man.
About two weeks later,the man comes backto the pub with his monkey.while he`s drinking at the bar,his monkey is again out of control.The monkey finds a grape at the bar,picks it up and sticks it up his arse, then after pulling it out again, eats it.
The landlord,having seen this,asks the man:"Did you see what your sick monkey just did?"
"No",says the man.
"He just stuck a grape up his arse and ate it," the landlord tells him.
"Well,what do you expect?"asks the man."Since that pool ball he measures ****ing everything first"

[robbielad9]

An old geezer in the old folks home took a fancy to an old lady who is also staying at the home.
One day he gets up enough courage to tell her he wants to make love to her.

She agrees and suggests that when everyone else is gone for a day trip,
they will stay behind and get to it.

He goes to her room on the day and asks her how she likes it.

She says, "I used to like it when a man went down on me."

He says he would love to and goes for it.

After about 30 seconds he comes back up and says, "I'm sorry.
I afraid I just can't go on. It smells rotten down there."

"Oh, that will be my arthritis.", she replied

He looks at her and says, "Surely you can't get arthritis down there.
And even if you could, it wouldn't cause that horrible smell."

She says, "No, my arthritis is in my shoulder and I can't wipe my arse."

[robbielad9]

Elton John is to remake one of his classics in a tribute to Mother Theresa............The title?










"Sandals in the bin"

[robbielad9]

Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...

The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."

"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't **** her."