Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Crap Jokes

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 220
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 4 44 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 64 104 154 220 template Next
    #796
    I had the greatest sex ever last night with my girlfriend and my dog.

    Only joking. I don't have a girlfriend.
    "Sky and Setanta have the right to choose their games and it will be the same for everyone. So Mr Ferguson will not be complaining about fixtures and a campaign against United.

    "Or there is another option. That Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple."

    Comment

      #797
      My girlfriend is suffering from depression.
      She phoned me the other day and said, "I feel like jumping in front of a bus and you're not doing anything to help."
      So I sent her a bus time-table.
      "Sky and Setanta have the right to choose their games and it will be the same for everyone. So Mr Ferguson will not be complaining about fixtures and a campaign against United.

      "Or there is another option. That Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple."

      Comment

        #798
        Just saw a Facebook group called: 'Real men don't hit women'.

        Exactly what I thought.

        Real men don't need to go in the kitchen.
        "Sky and Setanta have the right to choose their games and it will be the same for everyone. So Mr Ferguson will not be complaining about fixtures and a campaign against United.

        "Or there is another option. That Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple."

        Comment

          #799
          Avatar...cinematic experience? **** off!
          The cinematic experience was when I was watching The Sixth Sense where the boy says, "I see dead people".
          Bloke at the back of the cinema pops up, "That's nothing mate, I shag them!"
          "Sky and Setanta have the right to choose their games and it will be the same for everyone. So Mr Ferguson will not be complaining about fixtures and a campaign against United.

          "Or there is another option. That Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple."

          Comment

            #800
            The thing I like most about rape victims is that they always do anal.
            "Sky and Setanta have the right to choose their games and it will be the same for everyone. So Mr Ferguson will not be complaining about fixtures and a campaign against United.

            "Or there is another option. That Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple."

            Comment

              #801
              Originally posted by The Glove View Post
              I went to a chairty disco last week in aid of women born with no legs.

              Dance floor was crawling with fanny.


              Originally posted by Reaper View Post
              I've just seen an article in the paper about the 18-year-old girl brutally murdered on a canal towpath and it really left me questioning things.

              Namely whether it is possible to laminate an entire newspaper or whether I'd just have to cut out the pictures I wanted to wank over.


              Originally posted by lfcchris View Post
              Dated a Blind girl the other night, but it's not going anywhere. She's a nice girl and all that, not much of a looker though...


              cheers boys, thats made me laugh after a hell of a **** day!!
              People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'.

              Comment

                #802
                I can still remember play time at school. A bit of footy, sneaking a quick ciggy and trying to finger girls behind the bike sheds... I ****ing loved that caretakers job.

                1000th post!

                Comment

                  #803
                  Originally posted by Reaper View Post
                  A man and his wife haven't had sex for many years, but on her birthday the wife asks the husband to sleep with her.
                  When he comes to put his cock in her he realises that her vagina is a lot baggier than he remembered.
                  He still wants to please her though, so he slides his foot inside her, and proceeds to foot-**** her to orgasm.

                  Leaving the wife delighted, he heads off to work, but come lunchtime his foot starts to burn. It begins to burn so badly that he leaves work early and heads to the doctors.

                  The doctor takes one look at it and says, "Wow, you have an extremely rare condition called 'Foot-Cystitis'.
                  The man, feeling quite proud of this asks, "Is that the rarest condition you've ever seen?"
                  "No" replied the doctor, "I had a woman in this afternoon with Athlete's-Cunt!"

                  Comment

                    #804
                    Originally posted by bobbyfallon View Post
                    My girlfriend just asked me: "What's for tea?"
                    I said: "Come on now, we've been here for nearly three years; in Portuguese, please."
                    don't get it

                    Comment

                      #805
                      Originally posted by cannotmakeit View Post
                      don't get it
                      So it wasn't just me who didn't get it!

                      Comment

                        #806
                        You're not really missing out on much.

                        Comment

                          #807
                          Originally posted by cannotmakeit View Post
                          don't get it
                          Madeline McCann i'd guess??

                          Comment

                            #808
                            Knock knock?

                            Whose there?

                            Not Maddie thats for sure.
                            Bill Oddie, Bill Oddie, put your hands all over my body.

                            Comment

                              #809
                              Just £3 buys food and bottled water for a family in Haiti.




                              But on a serious note, Tesco are doing 4 cans of Stella for £2.99!!
                              Bill Oddie, Bill Oddie, put your hands all over my body.

                              Comment

                                #810
                                Originally posted by Scratch View Post
                                Madeline McCann i'd guess??
                                Ha yeah i thought it was brilliant!
                                'The tide is very much in our court now.'

                                Keegan

                                Comment

                                Previous 1 4 44 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 64 104 154 220 template Next
                                Working...
                                X