Crap Jokes

[RoadEnd]

I used to be into bestial necrophilia and flagellation. I gave it up though as it was like flogging a dead horse.

Boom Tish

[Stanbull]

I've got a good dyslexic blue movie if anyone wants to borrow it

"Debbie does salad"

[Stanbull]

My wife was counting out loads of 1ps and 2ps on the kitchen table, suddenly she got angry,started shouting and crying for no apparent reason.

I thought to myself "She going through the ****ing change"

[Stanbull]

Bob & Jim are having a quiet pint in their local. Bob says "I was so embarrassed the other day; I went to the pictures and the girl selling the popcorn had a cracking pair of tits, so when I went to ask for popcorn it came out Cockporn"

Jim says "Yeah happens to me as well, the other night at dinner, I meant to ask the wife to pass me the salt but what came out was 'You've ruined my life you ugly fat cunt' "

[ChesterDave]

I've got a good dyslexic blue movie if anyone wants to borrow it

"Debbie does salad"

I thought it was going to be a joke about lube

[kev776]

I thought it was going to be a joke.

[Kenneth]

[Subby]

I pulled a bird at the karaoke tonight.

On the drive back to mine we were talking about the karaoke she asked, "So then, who do I remind you of?"

I said, "You're like a cross between Adele and Amy Winehouse."

She said, "Awww, you're too kind do you really mean that?"

I thought, yeah you're a fat cunt and you're about to die.

[Subby]

What do you get when you cross a Fulham goalkeeper, a German actor and a guy named Jamal?

A Schwarzernigger.

[RoadEnd]

Isn't he Austrian?

...and no not Jamal.

[Subby]

I went out on a date this evening.

As we sat down to some wine, she asked, "So, do I match your criteria?"

"Well let's find out," I replied. "I have a little game I like to play where I'll ask a question, You give the answer."

"Ok." She replied, "Sounds like fun, fire away."

"Ok, here goes....... Do you, take it up the ****ter?"

[Subby]

My mate asked me, "Have you ever had magic mushrooms?"

I replied, "No, but I once had a cucumber that could do card tricks."

[badpiggy]

I think we might have to revisit the "poor" vs "poor taste" thread title argument

[Stanbull]

I bought the wife a Smart car

It doesn't let her in

[Subby]

If only Imogen Thomas had been around friday.

She knows how to drain a Welsh shaft.